The Heat is a 2013 travesty starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. At this point, it’s clear that McCarthy is a one-trick pony. Her entire schtick is acting like a brash, foul-mouthed bitch who always thinks she’s one step ahead of everyone else. Frankly, it’s tiresome. It worked in Bridesmaids, but that was it. She is trying to make an entire career on this act, and it just isn’t going to keep up forever. Anyway, this disaster of a movie is about an FBI agent (Bullock) and a Boston cop (McCarthy) who must work together to bring down a drug operation. One is straight-laced and uptight, another is a free spirit. THEY’RE TOTAL OPPOSITES, ZOMG, HOW ORIGINAL! They start out hating each other, learn that they have differences, and by the end become best friends. Fuck that shit. This has been done a billion times before, and far better in pretty much every other version out there. Not even Bullock can save this movie as her comedy falls flat, and her face looks waxy like it has been Botoxed a hundred times before every scene. I don’t know what the fuck anyone was thinking when making this piece of shit, but they were obviously on crack. There aren’t any worthwhile jokes, the story is insipid, and the acting is terrible. What a waste of time.
This is not a movie I would choose to watch. A family member of mine wrested control of my Netflix account and this was their choice. I figured, “What the hell, it’s an acclaimed drama, how bad can it be?” Did I say “acclaimed drama?” I should have just said “drama.” There is nothing worthy of any accolades here. It’s a drab, boring, relentlessly depressing affair. It’s about a chick who is in love with both that one guy from Veep and the dude who played Superman. She’s married to Veep Guy, but secretly wants to bone Superman. I mean, he is Superman, although the shitty Bryan Singer version. Anyway, Veep Guy gets a traumatic brain injury and drools his way through the rest of the movie. Everyone immediately tells the chick she needs to dump his ass and move on, but she resists, she can’t leave her husband even if he is a vegetable. It’s kind of startling that they would do this, including the chick’s mother, but whatever, maybe they’re all a bunch of assholes. When the movie reaches its conclusion, she finally kisses Superman. His super kiss is so powerful that it shocks her into reality, and she realizes: VEEP GUY HAS BEEN DEAD THE WHOLE TIME ZOMG! Yeah, that’s right, this movie pulls a total Shyamalan. Veep Guy surviving his accident was a delusion. If she was going to have a delusion of her husband being alive, wouldn’t it at least be one of him not being a vegetable? Eh, whatever. After the twist ending, the movie abruptly ends with no resolution whatsoever. Missing William is a movie that everyone should definitely miss.
Breaking Bad is heralded as one of the greatest TV series of all time. I recently finished my first watch of the show on Netflix, and I have to admit, it was pretty fantastic. There are very few other shows that have such complex stories and deep characters, and are able to consistently deliver riveting television episode after episode. I’ll admit I was pretty obsessed with the show while I was watching it. I purposefully waited until the show was over to watch it, because I knew I would want to marathon it. Seeing every episode in such a short amount of time allowed me to view the character and story arcs as they naturally developed. Night after night, I couldn’t wait to see what kind of nefarious scheme Heisenberg had cooked up. And time after time, the show delivered things in fresh and satisfying ways. Watching the series, I knew why people were saying it was one of the best shows of all time. It had great acting, dark humor, complicated storylines, and it never pulled any punches. Nevertheless, it wasn’t a perfect series. Despite the writers’ best efforts, the show faltered in its final season and left a series finale that didn’t deliver what it should have.
Aside from having inappropriately used a semicolon in the title, Robotics;Notes is actually not a bad show. Unfortunately, it’s not a particularly good show either. Robotics;Notes takes place in a fictional near-future Japan in which giant robots are real. A high school robotics club is trying to make their own giant robot for display in an annual robotics competition. The first several episodes revolve around the club’s two members as they try to recruit new members, secure funding and parts, and deal with general stressors of high school life. These were the show’s strongest episodes. As the show goes on, it bites off more than it can chew with crazy conspiracies, completely unnecessary side plots, a pointless villain, and an idiotic moe AI we are supposed to feel sorry for. When Robotics;Notes was focused on the robotics club, it was interesting and funny and surprisingly fresh. When Robotics;Notes diverted its attention to so many other things, it quickly devolved into a mess. The conspiracies are lame, the pointless villain is indeed a waste of time, and all the side plots distract from what had been a good story about “real” robots. In the end, the show was good, but significantly lacking. It was the lack of focus that ultimately hurt Robotics;Notes.
Accel World is yet another entry in the very long line of anime with great concepts that were squandered. The premise is that everyone has a computer interface tied in with their brains. They are able to use software to help with their daily lives. The main character is given a mysterious online game called “Brain Burst” which accelerates the synapses of his brain so much that the world appears to move in ultra-slow motion. This is a very cool concept. There are myriad ways in which he could use this power for good or evil. Naturally, being an anime, this intriguing concept is eschewed for punching people in the face. That’s right, the second part of “Brain Burst” is an online fighting game. Each character needs to fight others, and the fighting doesn’t use their special slow-mo powers. Nope, it’s just people punching and kicking each other. This comprises the bulk of the show. And since this is based on an ongoing light novel series which hasn’t concluded, there is no ending. Accel World is a waste of time. They took a great concept and threw it away immediately for generic, uninspired brawls in stupid looking costumes.
I managed to evade The Man and The Good Taste Police long enough to last one more year. It’s amazing to think that I have been writing this blog for six years. Sure, it’s little more than a hate-filled rant against Hollywood, but it still takes some effort on my part to churn out all this drivel. I don’t really know how long I’ll be writing this blog. As long as Michael Bay is making movies, though, I’ll try my best to be here to watch shit so you don’t have to. Once again, let me thank all of you who drop by and read the blog and leave comments. Awesomely Shitty wouldn’t be half as much fun without you. So, until next year, here’s a happy (shitty) anniversary to me.
I’m a little slow at getting around to new movies. I just don’t see the point in wasting $10 to see an overwrought, cliche piece of shit at the first-run theater. So, Mrs. Brik and I almost always wait to see stuff in the second-run theater. We spend a hell of a lot less money, and if the movie turns out to be shitty, it doesn’t feel like much of a loss. Gravity, like so many others, was a movie we waited to see in the second-run theater. That was a mistake. It was well worth the full admission price. I wish I had seen it sooner.
Gravity is less of a film and more of an event. It’s a massive spectacle that keeps you glued to the screen. You get completely lost in it. The typical things you expect in a film, like music, sound effects, character development, are thrown out the window. Gravity is like no other film before it. It is so different than other movies, you can’t judge it in the typical fashion. You don’t watch Gravity, you experience it.