Archive for July, 2008

28
Jul
08

Sexman Monday: Step Brothers and No Country for Old Men

It’s Monday, so it’s time for another review from our site’s official film critic, Sexman. He begins with a review of the recently released Step Brothers, and then goes off on a tangent about the shitty oscar winning No Country for Old Men. I don’t care what those other pretentious critics think, if Sexman hated that film, then it’s garbage. I watched it once and found it to be a decent movie, but with Sexman’s iron-clad arguments, I feel I have to change my opinion. No Country for Old Men sucked ass, and Step Brothers was awesome. Here’s a quote from this amazing review:

“Step Brothers takes the cake… it’s fast, it’s dirty, and that’s how I like it.”

24
Jul
08

Kanon – Faggy Anime Defined

Kanons cast of assholes

Kanon's cast of assholes

There is a growing subgenre of anime that I like to call “faggy anime.” What is faggy anime, you ask? Well, it’s simple. Kanon is faggy anime. Clannad is faggy anime. Air is faggy anime. Basically, any series with over the top moe, a heavy romance theme, or a show that is based on a dating sim is faggy anime. Usually, these series feature a bunch of extremely well endowed high school girls who are totally shy, and all secretly like the protagonist. The thing that pisses me off about these shows is that they go into “cute overload.” They toss all conflict, drama, and any aspect of decent story telling to wind. In their place, they put a bunch of cute shit everywhere. The protagonist has the choice of any girl he wants (kind of like me in real life), but of course he is always too much of a pussy to act on it (unlike me). This rings especially false since 99% of anime feature high school students, and you know that a real life high school boy would be hitting that shit in a fucking second. But he doesn’t do that. He just can’t decide which girl he likes best. This is probably because he is actually gay. But let’s not over-analyze this stuff. Over-analyzing anime can lead to brain damage. It makes me sad that anime used to be the bastion of hard core violence and tentacle rape, but now it’s just a glut of moe shit. Continue reading ‘Kanon – Faggy Anime Defined’

21
Jul
08

Sexman loved The Dark Knight

Sexman, also known as the World’s Greatest Film Critic, has posted his highly anticipated review of The Dark Knight. I won’t spoil the details of his review, but here’s a quick look at some of the insightful comments he had to make.

“I kind of misjudged Batman just because he didn’t have any powers, I thought he wasn’t a real superhero. But now I realize it. He’s a real superhero. And he’s much better than some of the crap superheroes that I’ve been thinking were good. Like Spider-Man. Come on.”

With awesome reviewing like that, how could you not watch this video? Just for the record, I review movies, too, but Sexman is our site’s official film critic.

19
Jul
08

Batman vs. Batman

In honor of The Dark Knight being released this weekend, I thought I’d post this cool parody video made by the geniuses at Black 20. No, I haven’t seen the new Batman movie yet, and yes, I heard it’s so good it can cure cancer. Is that true? Any lymphoma sufferers out there see the film yet?

17
Jul
08

Wanted – The Matrix Rehashed

Angelina Jolie looks hot and kicks ass in Wanted

Angelina Jolie looks hot and kicks ass in Wanted

EXECUTIVE A: What was a recent, big-budget hit movie?

EXECUTIVE B: Um….

EXECUTIVE A: Something with lots of explosions and tits.

EXECUTIVE B: Uhhh….

EXECUTIVE A: How about “The Matrix?”

EXECUTIVE B: Yeah, that did pretty good. And it had lots of action.

EXECUTIVE A: But it was kind of cerebral. Moviegoers have a hard time with stuff you have to think about.

EXECUTIVE B: Yeah.

EXECUTIVE A: Holy shit, I just had an awesome idea!

EXECUTIVE B: What’s that?!

EXECUTIVE A: Let’s remake “The Matrix!”

EXECUTIVE B: Yes! Great idea! How about this, let’s get rid of all that stuff you have to think about and replace it with Angelina Jolie.

EXECUTIVE A: Fuckin’ A!

EXECUTIVE B: Let’s give ourselves a raise.

EXECUTIVE A: Yeah, we really deserve it.

*They high-five each other*

I really can’t imagine the brainstorming sessions that went into making Wanted going any other way than that. Continue reading ‘Wanted – The Matrix Rehashed’

16
Jul
08

Full Metal Panic!

Full Metal Panic cast

Full Metal Panic cast

I just finished watching the first season of Full Metal Panic! The first time I watched this series was about a million years ago when I hadn’t seen much anime. I wasn’t familiar with common anime tropes, and it seemed really fresh and original. Now that I have been watching anime for a number of years, I have seen a lot of shows that influenced this series, as well as those that used it for inspiration. I decided to revisit it because I recently picked up the third season on DVD, and wanted to go back and watch everything from the beginning. Also, I’m a huge nerd and have nothing better to do with my time. Maybe someday I’ll get a date, and not be forced to have virtual anime girlfriends.

The show comes from a really shitty anime studio called Gonzo. Pretty much everything they touch turns to garbage. They are kind of like the George Lucas of anime studios. They have managed to take a number of high profile manga series, and turn them into festering turds on screen. I’m not sure how they manage to pull off this feat so consistently, but they are certainly pros at doing it. Anyway, I remembered liking this show the first time I watched it, but I was kind of worried about returning to it and hating it. Continue reading ‘Full Metal Panic!’

15
Jul
08

Hell’s Kitchen – Season 1

Ramsay Kicks Some Ass

Ramsay Kicks Some Ass

Today I finished watching the first season of Hell’s Kitchen. I recently got on a big Chef Ramsay kick when I checked out his other show, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares. On that one he goes from one disastrous restaurant to another, and tries to fix them up. Unfortunately, the people that run these places are completely retarded, and think he has no idea what he’s talking about. Ramsay is great, though. He tells people exactly how it is. Some people need to be told that their food is shit, or they are a dumbass. It’s the only way to get them to listen. We’re just too polite to each other. If we actually grew a pair, and told people the truth, I think a lot more stuff would get done. It’s like the goddamn road I live on. They started construction on it in February, and projected it to be finished at the end of April. Well, it’s now the middle of July, and there are still huge fucking holes and construction equipment everywhere. You can’t even go South on the road, only North. So, it’s a huge pain in the ass to go anywhere. If someone would just get these fuckers in gear (I don’t know if it’s the government running the thing, or the illegal immigrants doing the work) then this project might actually get done, albeit half a year late. Continue reading ‘Hell’s Kitchen – Season 1′




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