I don’t have much to say about Okami, and mostly that is because it is so goddamn average. Nothing about it makes it stand out from the heaping pile of mediocre titles the video game industry craps out on a monthly basis. Now I know what you’re going to say, “BUT BRIK, HTIS GAME IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKIN ABOUT TEH BEST PART ARE THE ANIME GRAPHICS LOL.” Before you go ahead and post that just think about this: you are an idiot.
Okami has virtually no redeeming qualities. The graphics are all cel-shaded, which was a cool gimmic back in 2003, but is kind of outdated at this point. The music is bland, uninspiring, pseudo-historical Japanese fare. The story has also been done to death, offering nothing new whatsoever. “BUT BRIK YOU PLAY AS A WOLF GOD WAHT OTHER GAMES DO YOU NOW ABOUT THAT HAVE HTAT LOL?” It doesn’t matter, just replace the wolf with a short guy wearing green tights, and you have another Zelda clone.
That’s the thing about Okami, it strives to be a unique, fun experience like Zelda, but fails miserably. In the Zelda games, Link has a main quest, but there are plenty of side quests and diversions to occupy your time along the way. Okami offers similar things, but all the side quests/mini-games are far too annoying to be any fun. The fishing is annoying, making dead trees come back to life is annoying, and feeding animals is annoying. In a Zelda game, these scenarios would be innovative. In Okami, you just do the same shit over and over again. How many fucking trees do you have to circle anyway? It’s just something they threw in to increase the length of the game, not to make it any more fun.
The other thing that really fucks this game is the horrible control mechanism. I can’t count the number of times where I tried to use the celestial brush, only to see the Wii-mote have a seizure. The brush jerks around on screen, and I sit there, unable to control it, hurling obscenities at the game. While it seemed like a cool idea on paper, it really is just a huge fucking mess. Did no one bother to play this game before releasing it? Jesus, it’s like Creed from The Office was in charge of the quality control on this piece of shit.
Other random things that pissed me off: unskippable cut scenes, getting to play for 5 minutes and then having to read walls of text for the next 10, and helping out mindless idiots (e.g. in the fishing sequence) so they can think they accomplished some menial task on their own. Why do I give a fuck if the person thinks they caught a fish on their own. I AM PLAYING AS A FUCKING GOD, I SHOULD GET ALL THE GODDAMN CREDIT. MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY CAN’T I SMITE ALL THESE LITTLE FUCKERS?
On the positive side, the fighting was pretty original and a lot of fun, that is, when the Wii-mote didn’t spaz out. Good fighting aside, it doesn’t make up for all the other bullshit. So, if any of you fat, smelly otaku out there can explain to me why this game is anything but average (especially the guy who raved about it at the store), I’m listening.
Overall, Okami is nothing more than a weak Zelda rip-off. Clones usually range from bad to mediocre, and since this game is more frustrating than fun, it doesn’t come anywhere close to being good. Okami is the poor man’s Zelda.
A better god-game would be a Zeus simulator. You shove thunderbolts up the asses of the people that piss you off, and you have sex with tons of hot chicks with no risk of getting an STD. Nintendo, give me a call, I’m full of more great ideas just like that one.