20 Shittiest Anime of the Decade (2000-2009)

I’ve seen me lots of animu in the last decade. I started watching this stuff in late 2001, and it’s ruined my life ever since. That being said, I felt it was my obligation to impart upon you the fact that there are terrible anime out there. Sometimes it seems like it’s all moeblobs and slice of life bullshit. I’m not sure if anyone else has done this yet, so I’m giving you my list of the 20 Most Shittiest Anime of 2000’s. Keep in mind that even though I have ranked these, they are all equally shitty. My list probably won’t sit well with the slice of life fans or the moe-loving fapboys, but rest assured these anime all need to be sent directly to hell.

Dishonorable Mention) Most Pointless Award – Rebuild of Evangelion – Why Hideaki Anno, why? You impressed us with Gunbuster, you further solidified your directing talent with Nadia, and you amazed us with your opus Evangelion. After that you did… well, not really anything. You went on to make a bunch of really shitty live action movies. You failed and failed and failed. You weren’t able to succeed in the mainstream, and that’s OK. But when you returned to the world of anime, what did you do? You decided to make A MOTHERFUCKING REMAKE of your biggest cash cow. Hmmm. Out of ideas already? Apparently so. Either that, or you wasted all of your money on full body Asuka pillows and mosaic screened Japanese porn. Now, I will agree that Rebuild of Evangelion was extremely well made, but it was also extremely pointless. Evangelion was by far one of the most incredible anime of all time. And remaking it is retarded at best.

Dishonorable Mention) Worst Director Award – Mamoru Oshii – To all the fans of Oshii… fuck you. This guy is terrible. He’s a horrible director. He has no concept of pacing or intriguing storytelling. There is an old writer’s guideline that says, “Show, don’t tell.” Basically, it means you should describe what’s going on, and not just say that it happened. It provides for a much richer experience for the reader. Oshii’s work is all flawed by the same problem. He “tells” and doesn’t “show.” He wants to bring up philosophical ideas, and his method of doing that is by having two talking heads spout off paragraphs of dialogue at each other for huge chunks of time. This could potentially work in a book format, but in film, which is a visual medium, it fails miserably. Immediately, this becomes boring to all but the most insane Oshii-loving otaku. I swear to god, Oshii fans are practically a cult. To them, Oshii is like Jesus and he can do no wrong. He could film himself taking a shit, and his fans would call it the greatest piece of cinema to ever grace the earth. The truth is, 99% of everything he has put to the screen is garbage. Oh, and Oshii, nobody gives a fuck about Basset Hounds, so stop putting them in all your goddamn movies.

20.) Death Note (2006) – What started out as a great series, quickly degraded into a huge piece of crap. I thought it was brilliant making the villain the main character. And for a while, it was incredible watching him outwit his enemies time and time again. There was something engaging and fun about rooting for the bad guy. It was different. But then, after the first story arc concluded, it devolved from a near perfect anime specimen to a near perfect anime piece of shit. The genius main character became an idiot, the people who caught him were a bunch of annoying little kids, they only won by pure luck, and even the plot made no sense. The good guys don’t always have to win. If this show had the balls to let the villain win, it would have been unforgettable. However, the ending was completely idiotic and totally out of character with everything that had occurred up until that point. If they had stopped at episode 25, this might have made the top 20 anime of the decade list. However, every episode past that point drove it farther and farther down into the trash can of shitty anime that should be forgotten. LEARN TO SWIM!

19.) RahXephon (2002) – Don’t let fans of this series fool you, it really is a huge rip off of Evangelion. While it’s true that Evangelion borrowed a lot from other shows, it was able to combine all of those elements into something fresh, and it had something new to say. In fact, it redefined the giant robot genre. RahXephon, however, is just a scam artist. It looks pretty, but has nothing of substance to offer. Instead of borrowing and integrating, it just steals. Even small things like the female bodyguard having purple hair, and a plethora of shots, are duplicated exactly. It also has a huge, boring cast. The pace really drags, and it is not fun to watch at all. It’s a lame, cheap imitation of a good anime. It’s like if Evangelion is the restaurant Qdoba, then RahXephon is Del Taco.

18.) Black Lagoon (2006) – Wow, what a piece of shit this thing is. With all the tits and firearms, it looks like it should be awesome. But looks can be deceiving. While it appears to be a slam-bang action adventure, it actually is nothing like that at all. Mostly, the characters are completely 2-dimensional, and stand around spouting bullshit from Philosophy 101. There might be a 30 second shootout, with the main characters blasting away at bad guys who stand still, just waiting to get gunned down. The animation is incredibly stiff, and the design is uninspiring. There is no character development, except that the main guy picks up smoking at the end. (It means that he became cool.) Black Lagoon is like that kid in school who tells everyone he is cool and tries really hard, but makes himself look like an idiot in the end. There is nothing cool about this overrated piece of shit. Its only redeeming quality is some really amazing Engrish. “That purase has more badassu maddafaakas zan supermax spaceland.”

17.) Azumanga Daioh (2002) – Wow, what a racist piece of shit. There’s a stereotype that all Japanese people are xenophobic toward foreigners. It probably used to be a lot more true back in the day than it is now. (When I was in Japan I got nothing but warmth from everyone there.) However, watching this series would make you think otherwise. Every chance they get, they take digs at all non-Japanese people, especially Americans. Now, that doesn’t necessarily make this a bad series, but it sure doesn’t help matters. Weeaboos, wishing they were Japanese, have no problem with this racism, or they don’t even notice it at all. (For example, the English teacher who can’t speak English at all and acts like a monkey when interacting with an American tourist.) Racism can be funny if done well. A show like South Park manages to make racist jokes while offering some kind of social commentary. This series, however, just makes racist jokes with the sole purpose of being racist. It adds nothing to the series whatsoever. It’s a piece of shit. Also, Osaka is a stupid, annoying bitch, and she isn’t cute at all.

16.) Ghost Hound (2007) – I really wanted this series to be awesome. It had quite the pedigree as it was Production I.G.’s 20th anniversary series. That being said, I gave it a lot of leeway. However, it just fails to deliver in almost every area. The character designs are laughably cartoonish, and horribly clash against the realistic backgrounds. The story drops hints so seldomly, and so slowly, that it becomes irritating as you watch and watch and watch and wait for something, anything to happen. The story was told in 22 episodes, but it probably could have been told in 10. Stretching it out that long for no reason is a clear sign of terrible writing. The terrible pacing is a clear sign of terrible directing. Overall, this series is just terrible.

15.) Blue Gender (2000) – Violence porn. There are so many close-up and repeated shots of exploding, bloody wounds, it quickly becomes ridiculous. Instead of filling the series with plot or characters, they just have shot after shot of dismemberment and geysers of blood. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to this if the series had something else to offer. But it doesn’t. It’s empty and vacant. Much like actual porn, it has no real story. The anime just serves as a vessel for delivering buckets of blood without having any redeeming qualities otherwise.

14.) .hack//SIGN (2002) – Is anything happening yet? ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz. Is anything happening yet? ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz. Is anything happening yet? ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz.

13.) Planetes (2003) – I have already written a full review of this, so I won’t bore you with the details a second time. But basically, this series is centered around a huge douchebag with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. The animation and music are nice, but the characters are so godawful annoying, that it becomes impossible to watch. After 26 episodes you expect some kind of character or plot development, but neither happened in the case of this anime. In fact, the main character regressed and became exactly like his father, which is a person he hated and tried his entire life to avoid becoming. And he is super pumped to be just like his dad in the end. FAIL.

12.) Naruto (2002) – Ugh. All right, seriously, how many episodes are they up to now? You’re kidding, right? No?! Wait, what’s that? There’s a sequel now with them more grown up? Fuck, that sounds terrible. Wait, it’s up to how many episodes now? You’re kidding, righ? No?! Why is the animation quality so terrible? Oh, I see, it got farmed out to Korea. Well, why don’t they make fewer episodes and just concentrate on making them higher quality? Oh, nevermind, that’s a dumb question. The answer, obviously, is: merchandising.

11.) Basilisk (2005) – The “plot” of this series focuses on a war between the two most famous ninja clans in the history of Japan. There is really very little in the way of story, and a whole lot in the way of ridiculous fight scenes. Don’t get me wrong, I love action, in fact, I’m an action junky. But it bugs the hell out of me when the fight scenes involve idiotic super powers (“Watch out my hair is super sharp and will cut you!”  “No, you watch out, I can turn myself into water!”), and even though someone ends up with with a harpoon through their chest, nobody dies. Eventually characters do die, but it takes way too long for it to happen. I don’t understand why the Japanese feel the need to give everybody such ridiculous super powers. It would be way more interesting to watch a realistic version of two ninja clans going against each other.  Anyway, no plot and all (stupid) fight scenes make Basilisk a complete waste of time.

10.) Toward the Terra (2007) – Ugh. Talk about horrible pacing. I’m surprised that Oshii didn’t direct this steaming pile of shit. The first few episodes were good, but it quickly went south after that. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what the hell happened in this series. I do know that a bunch of pretty boys keep rescuing in each other outer space, and use every bit of their strength to resist making out with one another. Other than that, there was something about finding the homeland and using psychic powers. I don’t know. I was too bored by the lack of things happening to pay attention.

9.) Genshiken (2004) – Genshiken is the poor man’s Welcome to the N.H.K. Where the latter show had intriguing characters, a cool story, and was able to lovingly critique otaku culture, the former had none of those things. It claims to be about otaku, but it isn’t. The main character is the girl who hates otaku and anime. Almost every episode is told from her perspective. She cringes at how weird she thinks they are, and she act like a completely spoiled brat. Genshiken trashes the culture that it claims to be professing its love for. All of this was completely unnecessary. We already know how the rest of the non-otaku world views anime. We don’t need to see it again here in our beloved format. That’s why Welcome to the N.H.K. was so good. It allowed the viewer to see criticisms (as well as the insanity) of otaku culture, but do it in such a way that doesn’t make it seem weird and shameful. Genshiken wants you to feel like a outsider for liking anime. Why would you make your anime series about a person who hates anime? She doesn’t even grow to like it. That’s why this series is total crap.

8.) Aria (2005) – ZOMG THEY ARE ALL SO KAWAII SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7.) Air (2005) – ZOMG SHE IS SO KAWAII SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6.) K-ON! (2009) – K-ON! is another entry in the moe slop-bucket of shitty anime. Once again, all the girls are totally cute, and we get to see their adventures of daily life. Nothing much actually happens. We really just have a voyeuristic sensation as we watch the teenage girls. That must be why it is so popular. It can’t be the plot (it doesn’t have one), it can’t be the action (it doesn’t have any), it can’t be the incredible acting (it doesn’t have that), and it can’t be the amazing character growth (it doesn’t have any). If the writers/director/animators had put one tenth of the effort into storytelling that they did into making cute character designs, then this show could have been good. It would be better if it ended like this:

5.) Sky Girls (2007) – Moe? Check. Giant candy apple heads with stick bodies? Check. Are the majority of characters female and super kawaii? Check. Lesbian overtones? Check. No plot? Check. An entire episode based on trying to find a lost Double-D size bra? Check. Sky Girls has really got it all.

4.) Clannad (2007) – Fuck you, Kyoto Animation, fuck you. The same assholes who came up with Air and Kanon also created this huge piece of moe shit. Jesus assraping Christ. How is it even possible that anyone sane could watch this and NOT gouge their eyes out? The story, and I use that term loosely, is the same as in every other tale adapted from a visual novel. Essentially, the girls are soulless husks, designed for only one purpose: fucking. It is your job to trick them enough so that they will let you stick it in. That’s it. I just gave you the entire plot. Oops, spoilers! People who like this drivel should see a psychiatrist. Or be locked up for pedophilia. Or both.

3.) Moe-tan (2007) – Are you fucking kidding me? Just look at that moeblob. The fact that shows like this exist proves there is no god.

2.) Kanon (2006) – DIE!!! UGUUUUUU~ DIE!!!

1.) Lucky Star (2007) – For some reason, the latter half of the decade was plagued with an onslaught of “cute” flat-chested girls who sit around and do nothing. Lucky Star is the epitome of everything that is wrong with the current state of anime. No plot, super moe, unfunny, nothing happens, no action, no character development, and a completely vapid waste of time. Now, I know what you’re going to say, “BUT BRIK THEY ARE TEH UBER CUTE AND ITS JUST A ANIME BESIDES WHATS GOOD IS SUBJECTIVE LOL” Sorry, but you’re wrong. What’s “entertaining” is subjective, but not what’s good. Lucky Star can be entertaining to people who are functionally retarded, but nobody with any standards in storytelling would find it appealing. The latest T-Pain song may entertain you, but you probably wouldn’t say it’s good like something by The Beatles. This is trash anime, the pinnacle of horribleness, the anime version of Satan and Hitler’s child. It only solidified the popularity of the vapid-moe/slice-of-life trend, and for that it deserves the title of shittiest anime of the decade. Plus, its opening song is an audio holocaust.

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