18
Mar
10

Reasons Why Elfen Lied Rules

 

This image had to replace the original, more awesome one. It featured a naked chick killing people in fountains of blood. Photobucket removed it because they are pussies.

1. Gratuitous violence – I haven’t seen any other anime, TV show, or movie that has as much violence as Elfen Lied. Seriously, buckets of blood are spraying everywhere. There are tons of decapitations, not to mention the severing of limbs, and the punching of holes through torsos. When the Diclonius get pissed off, you’d better watch out. No one is safe. Everyone is a target. I love that the violence crosses the line. You keep thinking that it will hold back, but it doesn’t. And the best part is that the show doesn’t look back. Every episode has geysers of blood splattering everywhere, and the Diclonius are complete unremorseful about it. Not a lot of characters make it through to the end. In the first episode the show tricks you into thinking this cute, ditzy girl will be a primary character. Nope. She gets killed very quickly, and then Lucy (the main character) uses her corpse as a human shield against a torrent of machine gun bullets. Badass. The fight scenes are all essentially massacres. They aren’t dragged out over multiple episodes like so much shonen garbage. Instead, they are quick, bloody, and brutal.

Amazing Elfen Lied cosplay.

2. Violence against women – The Diclonius are mostly women, and there is a lot of Diclonius vs Diclonius action. This means girls are fighting each other, which is hot in itself. They don’t wrestle naked in a mud pit, but they do get naked quite a bit during their fights. Any time these girls battle, they kick the crap out of one another, and it rules. But the women don’t get all the fun. Even the main guy, Kohta, bitch slaps females when they get hysterical. He hits his cousin, his sister, and anyone else with two X chromosomes who is within slapping range. It’s actually very refreshing, as in most anime all the female characters go into histrionic rants constantly and no one ever shuts them up. But Kohta does. Nobody knows how to shut up a woman faster than Kohta, except for maybe Sean Connery.

Kaboom! Splat!

3. Violence against children – The creators of Elfen Lied were really not fucking around when they decided to make the most hardcore series ever. I can’t think of any story in any medium where children are brutalized so much. They get beaten, molested, sliced in half, and tortured. Kids attack other kids in school. The Diclonius kill kids. Hell, even the adults get in on the kid-crushing action. The villainous Bandoh beats up a poor, defenseless human girl for information. Scientists launch cannon balls at kids, and even the motherfucking police gun down Lucy when she was just a little girl. Awesome.

This is the only picture I could find with the dog in it.

4. Violence against animals – If anything is taboo in storytelling, it’s violence against animals. Fucking PETA have brainwashed society at large. It’s so bad that in any movie or TV show we can have humans destroyed in a blaze of genocide and no one blinks, but god forbid the cute horsey gets hurt! These goddamn hippies even got up in arms when the contestants on the reality TV show Survivor were eating rats for sustenance. What the hell were they supposed to do, starve to death? Jesus. Well, this show told those stinky hippies to go to hell. In a flashback scene we see Lucy’s dog held down and bludgeoned to death, and the perpetrators all thought it was hilarious. They were even saddened when the dog died too soon. Of course, Lucy’s revenge that comes soon after is bloody goodness. Damn, Elfen Lied is so metal.

Pic related. Get it? Related.

5. Incest – The only other good anime series I can think of that showed incest was Shakugan no Shana. The Incest Twins were constantly making out, and I imagine they were fucking behind the scenes as well. Kanon came close by teasing us with the possibility of hot incest. Of course it pussied out, and the asshole protagonist in that series ended up choosing a comatose girl instead of going for some sweet cousin-on-cousin lovin’ (oops, spoilers!). Anyway, Elfen Lied doesn’t hold back. Kohta’s female cousin makes it quite clear that she gets wet for him. She is constantly getting mad any time he so much as looks at another girl. She makes a move and makes out with him, and being the super stud he is, he makes his own move on her later. Although we only saw them kissing, we can all guess what it led to. Kohta also manages to make out with Lucy, who also wants him. While this would seem harem-ish (e.g. Tenchi Muyo, Love Hina) you have to remember that Kohta is actually kissing these girls, so Elfen Lied already rises above those typical harem shows. They probably had a giant orgy at the conclusion of the series.

The costume designer really pulled out all the stops for this show.

6. Nudity – Nudity is always better than no nudity. Here we get tons of nudity. Lucy wanders around naked for half the series. Nana is naked for practically all of her fight scenes. Mariko gets in on it, too. Honestly, I’m surprised that more of the female characters didn’t get naked. Nudity rules, and so does Elfen Lied. If you didn’t like this series, then you just weren’t manly enough to handle it.

Verdict: Good

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16 Responses to “Reasons Why Elfen Lied Rules”


  1. March 22, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Nudity is always better than no nudity.

    Not if they’re fat or otherwise malformed. Unless you’re into that.

    Everything else about this post is 100% accurate.

    • 2 meeka
      March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

      Lol, really people?? I watched this series. Haven’t had a single nightmare, I loved it.

      I’m a 12 year old girl.

  2. 3 O
    March 24, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    That cosplay picture is kind of beautiful. Haven’t slept over here for days so I think I’m already having nightmares, except the waking sort. But they’re pretty nightmares.

    I thought the carnage of the opening few minutes of the first episode were really interesting on a visceral, visual level.

    I am glad you’ve discovered Rurouni Kenshin. It was my first anime series. I watched on VHS fansubs that a friend got me from the Orient, while the series was still airing. As far as shonen fighting anime goes, I could identify with Kenshin more than the usual hotblooded hyper-masculine dude. I also liked that the voice actor was a woman. I guess it is the only fighting anime I like.

  3. 4 Anonymous
    August 31, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    you just listed why elfen lied is the shittiest anime ever.

    • 5 Jordan
      November 13, 2011 at 6:02 pm

      Thank you thank you thank you for telling the world why this anime is fucking bad ass. I don’t get why people don’t like it. I mean I’m a girl and I am in love with the entire series even though stereotypically I shouldnt be. Haters need to man up

      • 6 Fuckin J Fucker
        December 10, 2011 at 5:34 pm

        Man up, really? Holy fuckin shit, someone doesn’t like the same shit you do, so they have to man up? What kind of fucked up shit is that? I fuckin love Elfin Lied, but if I didn’t I’d fuckin say so. Fuck this goddamn fuckin bullshit.

  4. November 20, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Vampire knight also has incest… -.-”, and incest is the oldest tail there is, it’s nothing new, please :/ the violence is the normal for the early animes, but for us it is extreme because we are used to naruto and shit where people die because their bleeding inside -.-”
    and the dog thing is just fucked up, i don’t care if the freaking kids died later, it’s just fair!! they killed a little puppy for god sake -.-”
    but well, it’s still one of the best animes ever created! i just wished it continued :x

  5. 8 The Bull's Wrath
    January 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    You are unworthy Mr. Anonymous.

    • 9 Cenatu
      November 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm

      most unworthy indeed. elfen lied is quite obviously the greatest anime out there, surpassed only by its manga. i am willing to fight wars to kill anybody who disagrees…….

  6. December 30, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    I’ll be honest I’d give it a 8/10 gotta take off 2 because I couldn’t stand lucy(biggest bitch in the universe) and her split personality nyu or whatever(total fuckin retard…)

  7. 14 SunflowerSamurai
    January 25, 2013 at 8:18 am

    How do incest, violence against animals, violence against women, and violence against children insinuate quality television?
    I might have a job for you at sociopathreviews.com.


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