Archive for July, 2010

17
Jul
10

Fake Indie Movies (AKA Fuck You, Hipsters)

There are a lot of movies I hate. For the most part, Hollywood can’t resist shoving recycled garbage down the throats of the movie-going public 52 weeks a year. Since 2004 there has been a growing number of “indie” movies released every year. The indie movie trend really exploded with the release of Napoleon Dynamite. Since then the term “indie film” has been Hollywood shorthand for “quirky independent comedy.” Unfortunately, the majority of the movies being passed around as “indie” are nothing close to being independent.

A truly independent film typically has a lot of features you will never find in a Hollywood “indie” movie. For example, if the movie was ever released in a national cinema chain (e.g. AMC, Harkins), then it was likely backed by a major studio, and thus is not independent. Real independent movies are not seen in the same cineplex that shows the latest Michael Bay summer shit-spectacular. They may play in a small theater dedicated to independent films, but usually they just make the rounds on the film festival circuit until they are either picked up for home video release or fade into obscurity.

Real independent movies are way too hardcore for the standard movie goer. They are grainy, often black and white, have really low production values, do not star any known actors, and many times deal with social issues or are completely confusing mindfucks. Perfect examples of this would be the movies Eraserhead by David Lynch and Pi by Darren Aronofsky. Continue reading ‘Fake Indie Movies (AKA Fuck You, Hipsters)’

15
Jul
10

Happy (Shitty) Two Year Anniversary

Somehow I’ve managed to keep this blog afloat for two years. To those of you out there who read it, thanks for the support. I plan on keeping it alive until either I get bored or shut down by The Man, because The Man liked Transformers 2 way too much to let me keep on writing about how it sucked. So for now until some unknown time in the future, I’ll keep posting really shitty reviews of things I hate (and sometimes love). After all, this is the best/worst blog on the Internet. Happy (shitty) two year anniversary, Awesomely Shitty!

05
Jul
10

Sexman Monday: Iron Man 2

“Sexman’s Back! Tell a friend!”

Film connoisseur and perennial genius Sexman has graced us with another one of his brilliant reviews, this time of Iron Man 2. I’ve got to say that for once in my life I disagree with him. You totally do notice that Don Cheadle isn’t Terrance Howard. It was an annoying recast, and it was a terrible idea. It’s like the Hollywood executives thought, “We’ll just replace one black guy with another, the public won’t notice it since they think all black people look the same.”

Plus, who the fuck did they get to write that movie, anyway? It’s like whoever wrote it didn’t bother to watch the first movie. They changed a bunch of the rules set up in the first movie, and added a bunch of retarded crap like the entire Avengers sub-plot. “LOL! Tony Stark’s dad made Captain America’s shield! LOL!” (*dismissive wank*) But I digress. Anyway, on to Sexman’s review of Iron Man 2, featuring bonus mini-reviews of The Mummy 3 and Dora the Explorer.

On the other hand, who am I to disagree with this site’s official film critic? By the way, did anyone notice how fucking PUMPED Sexman was in this video? That alone makes this one of his greatest reviews ever.




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