I’ve read a lot of good things about Pani Poni Dash. Of course, I read a lot of good things about Planetes, and we all know how that turned out. Anyway, I decided to give the show a shot. Now, a famous movie-star/male-model like myself doesn’t have a lot of time to scour the internet for this shit, so I just watched the first copy I could find. It happened to be a streaming version from Funimation’s Youtube channel. The video quality was good, but the audio was dubbed. OK, fine, whatever, that doesn’t bother me. After all, the dubs for plenty of other shows have been good. So I hit play, sat back, and started to watch. If you want to watch and read my comments, click this link to see the episode. Here’s how it went:
00:27 – OK, interesting title screen, seems more subdued than I expected.
00:41 – Let me guess, Planet of the Apes parody?
1:00 – Yep.
1:27 – Why would someone who graduated from MIT go into education? MIT doesn’t even offer degrees in education. Wait, sorry, this is anime so logic doesn’t factor into it.
1:38 – Oh, here is the crazy, super-moe opening, as expected.
2:15 – Kind of a catchy song, but not amazing. At least it’s better than that fucking Lucky Star opening. That thing was an audio holocaust.
3:00 – In the toilet? Where this show belongs, probably.
3:34 – Hmm, great acting (not).
4:05 – Why is the bunny so depressed? I’d be depressed too if I was in this show.
4:22 – “Omega big!” What the fuck does that even mean?
4:44 – Oh great, a bunch of actors who are unable to pronounce Japanese names properly. I’d forgive them if they were a little bit off. Clearly they aren’t even trying to pronounce things correctly. Kind of like a British person speaking Spanish.
5:01 – Who the fuck did they hire for this dub?
5:15 – Of course this is an all girl’s school. In anime is there any other kind? No, wait, I see some males in the background. They are inanimate and drawn like clones of one another. Moe otaku pandering knows no bounds.
6:16 – Why is there so much secrecy about the teacher leaving? It’s just a plot device. A really lame plot device. It’s completely irrelevant and just there to fill time.
7:00 – “OH MY GOD DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF MISS MIYAMOTO I OMEGA WANT TO SEE IT!”
7:30 – Japanese students yell at teachers all the time, huh? Awesome.
8:21 – They take five minutes to explain why a character who never appeared on the show is gone, but zero minutes explaining the existence of an extremely depressed talking rabbit. That’s a good use of time.
9:00 – “Maho Maho!” Keep saying it, and it may eventually become funny.
9:45 – For the love of god just choose a nickname for Rebecca.
10:07 – Rebecco, Rebecca (that’s her actual name, dipshits), Reby, Rebefi? How about fucking Becky?!!!!!!
11:00 – Giant cat god warming the soda, huh? I wonder what kind of crack the writers were smoking.
11:40 – And now there is a message-spitting statue that appeared out of thin air. Trying to be super random is totally hilarious because its super random (not).
12:42 – Why is Rebecca wearing a lab coat if she’s a teacher?
12:51 – Oh, they figured out Becky. Good job, assholes.
13:05 – “Maho Maho!” Still not getting any funnier.
13:41 – “Omega adorable.” Nonsensical catchphrases are
always never hilarious.
14:30 – References to other, better anime shows makes your show funny by default (not).
14:45 – Cardcaptor Sakura reference. See above comment.
15:23 – Is that the Wise Owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial?
15:26 – Rebecca just flipped off the class. Only laugh I had so far watching this piece of shit.
15:55 – Of course she’s a world-famous 10 year old genius. Any older and she couldn’t be an anime character.
16:43 – Now she’s a super cute, defenseless, scared little girl. Just the way lecherous, old Japanese otaku like it. This show is completely schizophrenic.
17:02 – MIT.
17:07 – It’s MIT goddammit!
17:10 – If she went to MIT she’d be able to say it! HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?!
17:26 – SHES SO OMEGA ADORABLE AND THIS OMEGA CATCH PHRASE IS SO OMEGA STUPID!
17:45 – Is it just me or is this entire episode just pointless filler? If that’s the case, then what’s in store for the rest of the series if they can’t fill the running time of the first episode?
18:09 – Jesus, this dub is fucking poisonous.
18:38 – So now they are on a TV or theater set? More random shit is always funny!!!
19:19 – “Maho Maho!” Anger rising rising.
19:43 – If that chick poisoned the main character this show would get a lot better.
20:36 – Does anyone else in the class talk, or just these four dumbass bitches?
20:59 – There’s Domo-kun in the background.
21:05 – And now it’s Pac-Man. Referencing cool stuff makes you cool too, right?
21:30 – You are fire!!!!!! You is Engrish!!!!!
21:38 – Drinking soda is so fucking metal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21:59 – “Mahoooooooooooo!” Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!
22:25 – Someone get that bunny some Prozac.
22:39 – She’s killing the rabbit? Can’t she kill her classmates instead?
22:50 – Listening to this dub is like having someone defecate in your ears.
23:01 – Well, at least they acknowledged there aren’t any other characters. I suppose the rest of the class will just serve as a grayed out background.
23:15 – Oh thank god, the closing credits. It’s finally over.
23:36 – English vocal cast? What the fuck? They hired professional actors? This was the work of professionals? It seemed more like a high school drama class from a school for retards.
24:58 – And now we have some kind of mecha-godzilla parody? I’m really glad something interesting actually happened in the last 5 seconds. Why couldn’t they have focused the episode on that? Probably because moeblob bullshit is a bigger seller than mechanized dinosaur action.
25:26 – Well, that’s 25 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
Note: I rewatched the first episode in Japanese, then watched the second episode, and my opinion of this series did not change.