Archive for March, 2012

31
Mar
12

Black Butler, Blue Exorcist

Black Butler

This is the gayest anime I have ever seen.

You know you’re in trouble when you start a new anime, and the first episode is filler. This whole show is filler. As far as I can tell there isn’t any story. It’s just about some really effeminate rich kid and his incredibly flamboyant butler. 99% of this show focuses on them homolusting after one another, prancing around and acting extremely gay. They pretend to not be gay, but their gayness brims to the surface every second of every episode. Their gayness completely envelopes the series into a nauseating mess of unwatchable shit. This show is gayer than Descendants of Darkness and that show had characters who were openly gay. This show is an insult to anyone who appreciates good acting, good storytelling, good characters, good pacing, good directing, and good taste. Hell, it’s an insult to homosexuality. It’s like a teenage girl’s idea of what it’s like to be gay. “LOL LIKE OHMYGOD THEY ARE TOOOOTALLY GAY THEY WEAR THIGH HIGH LEATHER BOOTS AND FRILLY FRENCH CLOTHES AND STARE LONGINGLY INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES AND GET REALLY CLOSE WITHOUT KISSING JUST TO BUILD SEXUAL TENSION LOL!” Black Butler should be classified under the genre of “hate crime.” By the way, why is it titled Black Butler when the butler is white? Oh, and did I mention it’s incredibly gay? Yes that’s right, gay. Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.

Verdict: Shitty

Blue Exorcist

The assholes of Blue Exorcist

You’d expect Blue Exorcist to be nothing more than typical shonen trash. And guess what? You’d be right. Blue Exorcist, while entertaining, offers up absolutely nothing that the tired genre hasn’t already seen. The protagonist (his name doesn’t matter because he is just like every other shonen series protagonist) is an irresponsible oaf who carries an untapped power. Unbeknownst to him, he is the son of Satan and is filled with all sorts of demonic powers. Wouldn’t you know it, this is revealed to him in the first episode, and he decides to fight on the side of good. He immediately enrolls in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry True Cross Academy where he learns how to be an exorcist. There he meets a bunch of stock secondary characters that no shonen series can do without. Also, his younger brother turns out to be an exorcist too, and is ZOMG SO AMAZING THAT HE IS THE PROTAGONIST’S TEACHER ZOMG! *sigh* Throughout his training, the protagonist battles all kinds of monsters, and eventually has to face off against his daddy Satan. During the final battle, which lasted several episodes, I kept wondering: “Where are the real exorcists? You know, the school’s teachers or the people from the Vatican?” Apparently, they don’t give a shit about fighting the world’s greatest threat, the Devil. They figured they could leave it up to some students. Fortunately, the protagonist and his brother fend off Satan and the world is saved. The End. Oh wait, no, not before they have one final battle with a demon who inhabits motor vehicles. What the fuck? The only thing that stood out for me in this show are the number of moles characters have. The brother had three moles on his face. The protagonist’s mother had four moles on her face. Whoever did the character designs for this clearly has a mole fetish. While Blue Exorcist has good animation quality and is mildly entertaining to watch, it ultimately should be relegated to the cookie-cutter shonen garbage bin.

Verdict: Bad

24
Mar
12

The Zen of Spam 2

Maintaining a blog for three and a half years has its perks. One of the best parts is getting great spam messages in the comment inbox. While most of them are links to porn sites or incoherent gibberish, there are some that are comedic gems. I have listed some of my favorites, in no particular order. Read them and meditate. To understand them is to achieve enlightenment.

  • Hi Jslittlelady, Enjoyed your post, sure did bring back some memories. I have come to really love the OTK spankings, they are my favorite. .I hate it when sailor puts me over the bed, then I know I am really in for it. .Hugs .Lil Sam
Dude, I think you got the wrong blog. Jslittlelady does not work here. And which post reminded you of a sailor putting you over a bed and spanking you? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that some people are able to get off just by reading Awesomely Shitty. After all, it is an amazing blog.
  • Alright this is my final idea, CPBO: Club Penguin Black Ops. I was thinking maybe it could be a secret branch of CPR. I have the uniform already too, The Rescue helmet,Red sun glasses, Red guitar, Climbing Backpack, Hiking boots, and the Ninja Suit ( cause the Black Ops need to be the best ). Thats my army idea. Please approve. O and if you approve i was thinking our first mission could be to go undercover and see if ACP is really “Attackers/Anti Club Pengiun or Army of Club Penguin”. Once again please approve. Takashiemiko Rangers Lead The Way!!
Club Penguin Black Ops? As a secret branch of CPR? So while you’re doing chest compressions some ninjas in penguin suits come in to attack backpackers? Now I’m starting to get confused. I really don’t see how that’s going to improve CPR, but I guess I’ll try anything once.
What is it that I’m not supposed to know about gays? I know they can be like a secret society, but is this some kind of doomsday warning? Please tell me! Now I’m getting really worried! And what does this have to do with Conan the Barbarian? Does it promote some kind of secret gay agenda? Somebody help! Continue reading ‘The Zen of Spam 2′
18
Mar
12

A Dangerous Method, Alias Season 4

A Dangerous Method

Freud, Jung, and some chick. What more could you want?

I really wanted to love this movie. After all, it stars Viggo “I’m a total badass” Mortesen as Sigmund Freud, Michael F. Assbender as Carl Jung, and Keira Knightley as Some Chick I’ve Never Heard Of. The cast is great. The director, David Cronenberg, has made some incredible films including Naked Lunch and Christmas-favorite Eastern Promises. Also, with this being about the friendship-to-adversaries relationship between Freud and Jung, I thought I was in for quite a cinematic treat. Something on par with Obi Wan and Darth Vader or Professor X and Magneto starting out as friends and then becoming enemies. Unfortunately, there were no lightsaber duels or mutant powers.

The problem with this movie wasn’t the acting (which was great), wasn’t the directing (which was quite good), and wasn’t the production values (which were excellent). The problem came from the script. There was no real climax to the movie. In fact, there was no real conflict. Yes, Freud and Jung had differing opinions about the fledgling field of psychoanalysis, but it was portrayed rather matter-of-factly with very little conflict or drama. The side drama of Jung’s affair with Spielrein (Knightley) was interesting but lacked punch. The whole thing seemed very dull in what could have been a psychological and emotional showdown. At least the positive and negative aspects of both Freud and Jung were explored. I know they were going for accuracy and realism, but it’s a movie, we need to have at least some kind of drama and climax. Oh well, at least everyone involved did a good job. Oh, and Keira Knightley got naked.

Verdict: Average

Alias Season 4

Alias season 4 cast.

After the complete trainwreck that was season 3, this season gets things back on track. Everything is vastly improved from the previous year. The writing is better, the acting has improved, and the overall insanity has been toned way way way down. The most noticeable difference between season 4 and all other seasons is that it is the most plausible. Obviously, it’s a TV spy show, and there is no way it is going to be realistic. However, in terms of believability in how the agents operate, what they do, the missions they go on, etc., everything is at least within the realm of reason. The overall story structure has a slower pace, a lot more episodes are self-contained, and there are far fewer ZOMG cliffhanger endings. Why bother with a cliffhanger ending if it’s just there to tease the audience? It also has two of the series best episodes: the one where Sydney and Vaughn infiltrate a Russian spy training camp that looks just like an American suburb, and the one where everyone is essentially incapacitated and Marshall single-handedly saves the world. Oh, and the stuff with Arvin Clone was pretty cool. While it still isn’t good enough to reach Awesome status, season 4 of Alias is probably the best the show has to offer.

Verdict: Good

11
Mar
12

Things I Hate About Assassin’s Creed II and Metal Gear Solid (AKA Invincible Final Boss Syndrome)

I’ve played and completed Metal Gear Solid four times (twice for Playstation, twice for Gamecube). That is precisely three times more than I’ve completed any other game. I’m not sure what it is about that game that keeps on bringing me back. I suppose I like the meta stuff like finding Meryl’s codec frequency on the game box and switching controller ports to beat Psycho Mantis’ telepathy. Hiding in boxes, distracting guards, and catching a cold were small touches that went a long way to show me they put a lot of time and thought into the game. Despite my enjoyment of the game, every time I play it, I get super pissed off. For all the ingenuity and all the things it does well, it does just as many things horribly wrong. Here’s a short list:

  1. Radar doesn’t work while hiding under tables – What the fuck?
  2. Cut scenes are way too fucking long.
  3. Codec conversations are way too fucking long.
  4. Fake stealth.
  5. Shoot bosses in the face with 20 stinger missiles and they still survive.
  6. Top-down camera makes it impossible to see anything.
  7. The controls are completely fucked.

For it’s time, 1998, this was a landmark game. It was the first major video game that was like an interactive movie. And not one of those “interactive movies” like NightTrap where you watch a video reel of scantily clad girls and click a button every now and then. No, this was like you were the main character of some crazy espionage/action/anime film. The story really came to life, and the characters were intriguing and three-dimensional. It did things that no other game had done before. Plus, it was pretty fun. Continue reading ‘Things I Hate About Assassin’s Creed II and Metal Gear Solid (AKA Invincible Final Boss Syndrome)’

04
Mar
12

Classically Shitty: Citizen Kane – A Tale of Forbidden Love

I bet Kane wishes Leland was underneath him right now.

Extra! Extra! Read All About it!

Greatest Film of All Time Reviewed by BrikHaus!

Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest film of all time. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a score of 100%, the American Film Institute (whatever the fuck that is) ranked it as the #1 film ever made (apparently they haven’t seen Conan the Barbarian), and every film school instructor in the world jerks off to it on a regular basis. The real question we should be asking is: Why? Why do so many people give so many shits about this movie?

Film-fags will throw around terms like, “Deep Focus” and “Low-Angle Shots” and “Lightning Mix.” Those are film-making techniques that director Orson Welles helped to pioneer in this movie. Innovative techniques are not a reason for Citizen Kane to be called the greatest movie of all time. That would be like saying the 1893 Duryea Motor Wagon was the greatest car of all time because it had a 4 horsepower, single cylinder gasoline engine, a friction transmission, a spray carburetor, and low tension ignition.

You could say that Orson Welles is the “greatest pioneering film director of all time” but that has little to do with his movie being the best ever. So, again, why do people fawn all over this movie? Here’s why: it’s about gays. Yes, that’s right. It was a pioneering film with a rich subtext about a homosexual love affair. Orson Welles had HUGE balls to make a movie about gay love in 1941, and that is the reason it remains such a beloved classic to this day.

Continue reading ‘Classically Shitty: Citizen Kane – A Tale of Forbidden Love’




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