Four years already, huh? That’s a long time filled with a lot of insults. If this blog was a four year old human, it would be able to do a lot of stuff by now, including:
- Cooperates with other children –> there is a blog roll on the side of the page
- Talks about interests and disinterests –> that much is obvious
- Can’t tell the difference between real and make-believe –> that would explain my unadulterated rage
- Knows basic rules of grammar such as “he” or “she” –> in light of the “irregardless” post, I’d say this is a yes
- Can sing a song or poem such as “Wheels on the bus” –> at least this involves singing
- Tells stories –> such as the Tale of the iPhone
- Can say first and last name –> you mean “Awesomely” and “Shitty”, right?
- Knows the names of some colors and numbers –> as long as they are black, white, red, orange, and blue – and let’s just forget the whole numbers thing
- Understands the idea of counting –> Transformers 1, Transformers 2, Transformers 3, etc.
- Uses scissors –> but only to cut out pictures of Michael F. Assbender and put them on my wall
- Plays board or card games –> do drinking games count?
- Hops and stands on one foot for two seconds –> too lazy to try
- Catches a bounced ball –> too lazy to try
- Can pour own drinks –> for the aforementioned drinking games
Wow, it’s just like this blog is a real person! So, happy (shitty) four year anniversary to me! Until next time, amigos (fuckos).