Happy (Shitty) Four Year Anniversary

Four years already, huh? That’s a long time filled with a lot of insults. If this blog was a four year old human, it would be able to do a lot of stuff by now, including:

• Cooperates with other children –> there is a blog roll on the side of the page
• Talks about interests and disinterests –> that much is obvious
• Can’t tell the difference between real and make-believe –> that would explain my unadulterated rage
• Knows basic rules of grammar such as “he” or “she” –> in light of the “irregardless” post, I’d say this is a yes
• Can sing a song or poem such as “Wheels on the bus” –> at least this involves singing
• Tells stories –> such as the Tale of the iPhone
• Can say first and last name –> you mean “Awesomely” and “Shitty”, right?
• Knows the names of some colors and numbers –> as long as they are black, white, red, orange, and blue – and let’s just forget the whole numbers thing
• Understands the idea of counting –> Transformers 1, Transformers 2, Transformers 3, etc.
• Uses scissors –> but only to cut out pictures of Michael F. Assbender and put them on my wall
• Plays board or card games –> do drinking games count?
• Hops and stands on one foot for two seconds –> too lazy to try
• Catches a bounced ball –> too lazy to try
• Can pour own drinks –> for the aforementioned drinking games

Wow, it’s just like this blog is a real person! So, happy (shitty) four year anniversary to me! Until next time, amigos (fuckos).