14
Sep
12

The Only Show On NBC is The Biggest Loser

That is one fat logo.

I swear to god, every time I’m scanning through the channels and come across NBC, it is invariably airing an episode of The Biggest Loser. It’s another one of those reality TV shows where someone gets eliminated every week, a clone of Survivor. Instead of featuring people losing weight from starvation on an island, it features people losing weight by exercising.

They get the biggest fatties, I’m talking about the fattest of the fat. The people your mom told you not to point at and make fun of, but you do anyway. Every time I’ve watched this show, it’s 2 painful hours of watching sweaty fatties do pushups and run on treadmills and talk about how courageous they all are for exercising. Great job, fatties. Personally, I think it seems way more courageous to eat McDonald’s and Dairy Queen and drink 64 ounce sodas every day and risk a slow, painful death by diabetes. But then again, this is an American TV show, so I guess to Americans exercise is hard and therefore courageous. 

A quick look at the Wikipedia page reveals the show airs two seasons a year. Each season it adds more contestants, and therefore increases the episode count. As of the writing of this post, it has 194 episodes. What. The. Fuck? Do people like this shit that much? Do they really like watching people exercise so much they are willing to subject themselves to 2 straight hours of it, 194 times?

This cat should be on the show next season.

NBC’s plan must be to eventually have enough contestants and enough seasons of this show so it can air The Biggest Loser year round, without interruption. Don’t believe me? Season 12 ended on December 13, 2011 and Season 13 started on January 3, 2012. There was only a 3-week break. When was the last time you heard of a network TV show being off the air for only 3 weeks? They take a months-long hiatus in the summer, not to mention winter and spring and national holiday breaks. TV networks do everything they can to avoid airing new content. But not NBC. They want to ensure complete reality TV domination by airing The Biggest Loser as much as possible. Perhaps their goal is to eventually start up a Biggest Loser TV channel, and air episodes around the clock.

I think the producers of this show are secretly laughing at the fatties. Just take a look at a single episode. They start out with a “Temptation Challenge.” Basically, they offer the fatties some food in exchange for something else. For example, a piece of chocolate cake in exchange for a phone call home. I can just imagine the producers sitting around and laughing: “LET’S GIVE THEM A PHONE CALL HOME FOR A PIECE OF CAKE! THEY’LL RISK GAINING WEIGHT! THOSE FATTIES CAN’T RESIST CAKE!”

You see how many cookies are on that table?! Who could eat that much? That’s how little respect the producers have for the contestants.

The contestants themselves are ridiculous. Clearly, they choose the most emotionally unstable people they can find, because nervous breakdowns equal big ratings! These people are always fucking bawling when they gain a single goddamn pound. Hey, asshole, you just lost 150 pounds in a month and now you’re crying your eyes out because you gained one pound?

The couples edition is ten times worse. Each contestant is paired with a friend or family member. Each time one of the couples is broken up by elimination, the loved one who is staying cries their ass off. They talk about how it isn’t fair, how their loved one is so brave, and how courageous everyone is. You know, people who lose weight through bariatric surgery lose weight even faster than Biggest Loser contestants, so I guess they are the most courageous fatties of all.

The show is treacly crap. It tries to capitalize on your emotions, but if you get emotional about someone getting kicked off a TV show, then it’s time to see a therapist. It’s not like they are being sent off to a concentration camp to die. They are just going home. And last time I checked, they can still exercise and lose weight at home. You don’t need to be on a TV show to lose weight.

See? Even NBC acknowledges The Biggest Loser is their only show with good ratings.

That’s probably what I hate most about this show. It makes people believe that weight loss isn’t possible unless you do it in an incredibly dramatic fashion. It doesn’t portray weight loss in a realistic manner. Most people will exercise and lose a pound a week, get lazy and stop working out, gain the weight back, and then repeat. Those who are most dedicated will eventually lose the weight and keep it off. The Biggest Loser propagates a myth that weight loss is impossible for normal people, and in order to have any success you must go on a reality TV show and drop 150 pounds in a month. That’s not the healthiest way to do things.

The Biggest Loser is just like all of NBC’s other TV shitfests. The Jay Leno Show, The Paul Reiser Show, Perfect Couples, Chuck, Whitney, Are You There Chelsea, Outsourced, The Apprentice, The Voice, etc. All shit, shit, shit, shit. Instead of just padding out the length of their shows they should try to make some good programming instead. Nobody wants to watch a TV show where people run on treadmills. I’d rather watch them run while they are being hunted as human sport. Now that would be entertaining. Have a piece of cake and risk getting shot by the hunters? Oooohhhh decisions, decisions!

Verdict: Shitty

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6 Responses to “The Only Show On NBC is The Biggest Loser”


  1. 1 uptightdouchebag
    September 14, 2012 at 8:11 am

    “The Biggest Loser is just like all of NBC’s other TV shitfests. The Jay Leno Show, The Paul Reiser Show, Perfect Couples, Chuck, Whitney, Are You There Chelsea, Outsourced, The Apprentice, The Voice, etc. All shit, shit, shit, shit. Instead of just padding out the length of their shows they should try to make some good programming instead. Nobody wants to watch a TV show where people run on treadmills.”

    Well, they obviously do enjoy that programming. But yeah, those shows suck (though I’ve only seen TJLS, Chuck, Apprentice and a few minutes of the Voice). Out of those, TJLS is the best. But I don’t even watch television anymore besides Jeopardy if I’m near a tv at night. It’s just not worth it. Books are better.

    • September 14, 2012 at 8:15 am

      Reviewing books is much harder than reviewing shitty TV shows and movies. Except for the book 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami. Fuck that piece of shit. It was fucking terrible.

      Ahem.

      Anyway, yeah network TV generally sucks ass. But it’s easy to troll, and it makes for entertaining reading, so that’s why I keep doing it. I would encourage you to check out a few of the cable shows that are pretty good such as Justified, Louie, and Damages. Those won’t make you feel like your brain is turning to mush.

  2. 3 WL
    September 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    “you get emotional about someone getting kicked off a TV show, then it’s time to see a therapist”

    I can imagine people going on your office, brik, saying “Doctor, I like The Biggest Loser”.

  3. September 16, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    The odd time I’ve seen this show broadcast over here I just laugh. I laugh hardest when all the contestants get pissy when other contestants are playing games and plotting plans to win. It’s a fucking game show, what did you bloody expect?!


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