Archive Page 2
Attack the Block is a 2011 British movie that is really more an attack on good taste than anything else. There are so many goddamn problems with this movie, I don’t even know where to begin.
The movie takes place in south London slums (?) and features a street gang (?) as the main characters. I use question marks because those things are really uncertain to me. Is that supposed to be slum, and is that supposed to be a gang? Honestly, the streets are pristine and the gang are a bunch of cute kids trying to act tough but looking cherubic instead. It’s a quaint version of what the British filmmakers must think a tough gang is like. I mean, if you want to see real slums and real gangs, then you need to watch The Wire. Those are some mean streets populated by tough motherfuckers. The gang in Attack the Block, on the other hand, features a bunch of kids playing hookey from school and thinking they are tough shit.
The central plot of the movie is about an alien invasion, and of course the only people that can stop it are the gang. The aliens are woefully hilarious. They are a bunch of guys in gorilla suits with glow-in-the-dark teeth running around on all fours. They don’t seem to have spaceships or technology or anything else for that matter. How’d they get to Earth in the first place? Did the head alien have explosive diarrhea and shit them into space or something?
Beware and Warning!
This blog post is different from other blog posts. You and you alone are in charge of what happens in this story. There are dangers, choices, adventures, and consequences. You must use your numerous talents and your enormous intelligence. The wrong decision could end in disaster – even death. The adventures you take are a result of your choice. After you make your choice, follow the instructions to see what happens to you next. Remember, you cannot go back! Think carefully before you make a move! One mistake can be your last, or it can lead you to fame and fortune!
Now, enter the mysterious and frightening world of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. You were summoned to this world by Nicolas Cage’s Nouveau Shamanic style of acting. You now inhabit his body with no apparent way out. Continue on your quest to find a way home.