Posts Tagged ‘apocalypse

07
Nov
12

Yes We Can, Comrades – Part 2

4 more years of Communism comin’ at ya!

As we all know, Barack Obama is a hardcore Muslim Atheist Socialist Communist. But did you know he is also the Anti-Christ? It’s true. And the fact that he was re-elected by the Marxist Elite means the USA will soon be on a path toward devastation and the end of humanity. I checked out some great quotes from the best thinkers our day has to offer on the subject:

  • “If Pres. Obama is re-elected the Constitution and therefore the nation will come to end. We can and must do something about that.”

Yes, brother, you are right. It was terrible that Obama ran on a platform of destroying the Constitution. I’m surprised that so many people voted for him. Didn’t they care that a vote for Obama meant a vote for destroying the USA?

  • “If obame gets reelected it might will just be the end of the world”

True. That darn obame also ran on a platform of destroying the world. First, his goal was the USA, and second, his sights will be set on the rest of the world. He’s a maniac like one of those bad guys from the James Bond movies!

  • “If satan were running against Obama, I’d vote for satan!!!!!!!!!”

What’s the difference? You’d be voting for the same person!

Continue reading ‘Yes We Can, Comrades – Part 2′

03
Dec
10

4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 4 – M. Night Shyamalan

The Four Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse - their true forms revealed.

For a long time I’ve been carefully watching for the end of the world. According to the Bible (the world’s most accurate and consistent book), the world will end in a fiery shit storm, ushered in by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Well, that time is here, albeit not in a form that anyone expected. In fact, all the pestilence, war, famine, and death are not coming literally, but figuratively in the world of cinema.

Horseman numero quatro is none other than M. Night Shyamalan. Actually, his name is Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan. I guess Night sounded cooler than Nelliyattu. Personally, I think he should just go with Shyamy, but that’s just me. Anyway, this guy’s films have grossed over $1 billion worldwide. That would make you think, “Oh wow, he must make some really great movies to bring in that kind of revenue.” Well, if you thought that, you’d be wrong. In fact, I can’t imagine any scenario where this guy’s movies even get financial backing let alone sell tickets. Here’s a sampling of his work:

  1. The Sixth Sense – OK, I actually liked this one, but so did everybody.
  2. Unbreakable – was ripped off to become the now-canceled TV series Heroes.
  3. Signs – It’s only natural for aliens who can be killed by water to invade a planet that is 70% H2O.
  4. The Village – plagiarized from a 1995 young adult book titled Running Out of Time. Well, it was plagiarized and then made much, much worse.
  5. Lady in the Water – Winner of Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Shyamalan), Worst Director, and Worst Picture by the Golden Raspberries in 2006.
  6. The Crappening – … err, sorry, The Happening.
  7. The Last Airbender“THEY STOLE THE TITLE TO OUR AVATAR MOVIE!”

I don’t even know where to begin with ol’ Shyamy. Somehow this guy is able to get huge studio financial backing and land A-list actors time and time again. He’s able to do all this despite having horrible reviews every single time he makes a new movie. In fact, with each subsequent movie, his reviews get worse and worse. Rotten Tomatoes gives his films the following grades: The Sixth Sense 85%, Unbreakable 68%, Signs 74%, The Village 42%, Lady in the Water 24%, The Happening 18%, and The Last Airbender 6%. Let’s use a visual example to further illustrate (image from FilmDrunk). Continue reading ‘4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 4 – M. Night Shyamalan’

05
Nov
10

4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 3 – JAWSBUPS

 

The Four Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse

For a long time I’ve been carefully watching for the end of the world. According to the Bible (the world’s most accurate and consistent book), the world will end in a fiery shit storm, ushered in by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Well, that time is here, albeit not in a form that anyone expected. In fact, all the pestilence, war, famine, and death are not coming literally, but figuratively in the world of cinema.

Horseman numero tres is none other than JAWSBUPS. Wait a second. Who the fuck is JAWSBUPS? Well, it actually isn’t a single director. It is an amalgamation of three small time, but horribly inept directors. Alone each of them is relatively harmless, but put together they combine to become the Voltron of shitty movies. JAWSBUPS breaks down to the original initials J.S., P.W.S.A., and U.B. Those initials stand for Joel Schumacher, Paul W. S. Anderson, and Uwe Boll.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “BUT BRIK THOSE GUYS HAVE MADE SUM GOOD MOVIES YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKIN ABOUT LOL!” You may feel like they have made some good movies, but you’d be wrong. Your memory is playing tricks on you. Let’s take a closer look at their combined efforts: Continue reading ‘4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 3 – JAWSBUPS’

11
Oct
10

4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 2 – Michael Bay

 

The Four Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse

 

For a long time I’ve been carefully watching for the end of the world. According to the Bible (the world’s most accurate and consistent book), the world will end in a fiery shit storm, ushered in by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Well, that time is here, albeit not in a form that anyone expected. In fact, all the pestilence, war, famine, and death are not coming literally, but figuratively in the world of cinema.

Horseman numero dos is none other than Michael Bay. Just like our friend Roland Emmerich, this guy’s “movies” have also grossed over $3 billion worldwide. It’s an impressive feat considering that his “movies” are little more than paper-thin stories used solely for the purpose of stringing together a series of explosions. Here is a list of some of this auteur’s “movies:” Continue reading ‘4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 2 – Michael Bay’

11
Sep
10

4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 1 – Roland Emmerich

The Four Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse

For a long time I’ve been carefully watching for the end of the world. According to the Bible (the world’s most accurate and consistent book), the world will end in a fiery shit storm, ushered in by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Well, that time is here, albeit not in a form that anyone expected. In fact, all the pestilence, war, famine, and death are not coming literally, but figuratively in the world of cinema.

Horseman numero uno is none other than Roland Emmerich. This guy’s films have grossed over $3 billion worldwide. At first glance you would think, “Oh cool, he makes movies with mass appeal, they must be good.” But then, when you take a look at his filmography, you realize that the vast majority are horribly cliche disaster movies that seemingly everyone has watched, but nobody has liked. Yet, we keep on going back for more. Here’s a sampling: Continue reading ‘4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 1 – Roland Emmerich’




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