Posts Tagged ‘Daniel Craig

03
Aug
13

Letters to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Glamorous Hollywood stars.

Dear The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,

I recently watched you, and thought I should let you know about something called brevity. With an excruciatingly long running time, clearly you have never heard of this important concept. Next time, keep things concise. Like this letter.

Sincerely,

BrikHaus

————

Dear The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,

I wanted to commend you for your amazing characters. The female lead, Elizabeth Salamander, is tough and hardcore. This is depicted to the audience by her shaved eyebrows, crazy hair, tattoos and piercings, and the fact that she is a loner. Thank you for not boring us with drab personal details like how she grew up, the inner workings of her psyche, or why she chooses to give herself such a unique appearance. We really should just take her at face-value, that’s the best thing to do. The male lead, James Bond, is also tough and hardcore. We see this by his wearing glasses hanging off of one ear. James Bond never ages, why should he need glasses? He doesn’t. I figured this was just a subterfuge by your exceptionally good writing. Keep up the good work. I hope to see more face-value characters in your sequel.

Yours,

The Public at Large

Continue reading ‘Letters to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’

17
Nov
12

The Sky is Falling (James Bond 23)

Since every film critic and blogger has already pledged their undying love and firstborn child to Skyfall, I feel like I need to take a different approach to reviewing it. I could do my usual complaining, but after wracking my brain, I found that I had very little to complain about. It was a solid Bond movie from start to finish, and a welcome addition to the franchise. So, I think I’ll just throw out random thoughts I had and leave it at that.

Where the fuck was the Opening Gunbarrel Sequence? Oh, at the end again. For 20 films, they always opened through the point of view of a gun, with Bond firing a shot, and blood spilling down the screen. The last movie, Quantum of Solace, which was kind of a piece of shit, inexplicably moved the sequence to the end. Skyfall does the same thing. Director Sam Mendes stated he wanted to have it in the beginning, but thought it looked ridiculous paired to the opening of the movie with Bond walking out with his gun raised. I guess that makes sense, but throwing it onto the end makes it feel like an afterthought. I have always liked the traditional opening, something that no other film series has, and to just tack it on at the end feels shameless.

The opening credits were designed by Daniel Kleinman who did the opening credits for all the Bond movies from Goldeneye through Skyfall, with the exception of Quantum of Solace, which again makes that movie stand out as kind of shitty. The credits, again, were fantastic. He has really upped his game with Skyfall, making a visual feast with beautiful girls, flashy effects, and thematic elements that tie in with the plot of the film. The only part of the opening credits that falls flat is the title song “Skyfawwll” performed by Adele. The song is a boring dud, just like its singer.

Continue reading ‘The Sky is Falling (James Bond 23)’

09
Nov
12

Movies > Books: Casino Royale

“Bond… Silhouette Bond.”

Every time a movie comes out that’s based on a book, people always shout, “LOL BUT TEH BOOK WAS SOOO MUCH BETTER LOL!” Well, sometimes the movie can be better than the source material. In some cases, drastically so. Just because the source material is a book doesn’t mean the book is not a huge steaming pile of shit. Here’s an example:

In case it wasn’t already known, I am a huge fan of the James Bond film series. I have watched them all, own them all, and eagerly anticipate the release of each new movie. The successful franchise is based on a series of popular books. Since I’m illiterate I had never read any of the books, but I figured, what the hell, I should give one of them a try. Going in chronological order made sense, so I figured I’d start at the beginning.

The first book in the James Bond series is Casino Royale. It was written by Ian Fleming and published in 1953. He pretty much made the espionage genre of literature and films popular with this single work. There have been countless imitators since then, but there is only one James Bond. There was no way I was going to dislike this book. It was the first James Bond novel! It was going to be awesome! I sat down to read, and…

…holy shit this book is fucking terrible!

Continue reading ‘Movies > Books: Casino Royale’




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