Posts Tagged ‘shitty

27
Jul
14

Robotics;Notes, Accel World

Robotics;Notes

The moe robot is what really sells this show.

Aside from having inappropriately used a semicolon in the title, Robotics;Notes is actually not a bad show. Unfortunately, it’s not a particularly good show either. Robotics;Notes takes place in a fictional near-future Japan in which giant robots are real. A high school robotics club is trying to make their own giant robot for display in an annual robotics competition. The first several episodes revolve around the club’s two members as they try to recruit new members, secure funding and parts, and deal with general stressors of high school life. These were the show’s strongest episodes. As the show goes on, it bites off more than it can chew with crazy conspiracies, completely unnecessary side plots, a pointless villain, and an idiotic moe AI we are supposed to feel sorry for. When Robotics;Notes was focused on the robotics club, it was interesting and funny and surprisingly fresh. When Robotics;Notes diverted its attention to so many other things, it quickly devolved into a mess. The conspiracies are lame, the pointless villain is indeed a waste of time, and all the side plots distract from what had been a good story about “real” robots. In the end, the show was good, but significantly lacking. It was the lack of focus that ultimately hurt Robotics;Notes.

Verdict: Average

Accel World

The main character is fat, which is unique for an anime, but that’s the only thing interesting about this show.

Accel World is yet another entry in the very long line of anime with great concepts that were squandered. The premise is that everyone has a computer interface tied in with their brains. They are able to use software to help with their daily lives. The main character is given a mysterious online game called “Brain Burst” which accelerates the synapses of his brain so much that the world appears to move in ultra-slow motion. This is a very cool concept. There are myriad ways in which he could use this power for good or evil. Naturally, being an anime, this intriguing concept is eschewed for punching people in the face. That’s right, the second part of “Brain Burst” is an online fighting game. Each character needs to fight others, and the fighting doesn’t use their special slow-mo powers. Nope, it’s just people punching and kicking each other. This comprises the bulk of the show. And since this is based on an ongoing light novel series which hasn’t concluded, there is no ending. Accel World is a waste of time. They took a great concept and threw it away immediately for generic, uninspired brawls in stupid looking costumes.

Verdict: Shitty

19
Jul
14

Stolen, Mud

Stolen

“THIS IS MY ACTING FACE!”

Did you like Commando? Did you like Taken? If so, then why not watch Stolen? It’s exactly the same movie as the others. Nicolas Cage plays a man whose daughter is kidnapped, and he must race against the clock to save her. Stolen is about as low-budget, straight-to-video as a movie can get. The film blew its wad getting Cage to star, and he acts alongside a lot of shoddy nobodies. Cage plays a bank robber who goes to jail after a botched job to steal $10 million. Once he is released, his former partner kidnaps his daughter, holding her hostage for the $10 million he feels he is owed. What follows next is a 90-minute traipse through New Orleans while Cage tracks down his former partner by any means necessary. The FBI are hot on Cage’s trail for no reason in particular other than he used to be a bad guy. Apparently, the FBI have nothing better to do like catching wanted criminals or protecting the U.S. from terrorists. Nope, let’s chase a guy who has already served out his sentence because he’s probably up to no good. The movie gets increasingly more ridiculous as Cage attempts to find his daughter. It reaches self-parody at one point when Cage is arrested and placed in an FBI vehicle, and moments later the vehicle crashes, flipping end over end, followed by Cage getting out of the car, talking on his cell phone with the kidnapper. At this point the movie has realized it is a giant piece of shit, so it might as well be as ridiculous as possible. In the movie’s favor, Cage doesn’t phone it in. He always invests 100% of himself in every movie, regardless of how bad it is. At least the guy has a work ethic.
Verdict: Shitty
Mud

“Don’t worry, ladies, my shirt WILL come off.”

After being mired in shitty romantic comedies for years, Matthew McConaughey decided to fire his agent so he could land roles in good movies. Mud is one such movie. McConaughey plays the titular Mud, a mysterious guy on a remote island in the south. He’s living in a boat that has somehow gotten lodged in a tree. One day he is discovered by a pair of teenage boys. There’s something shady about him, and that makes the boys want to know more about him. He wants to get in touch with his ex-girlfriend who is in town, but he can’t do it himself. Is he a criminal? Who is after him? The cops? The mafia? Definitely, there is more than meets the eye to this character. But the point of the movie isn’t really Mud at all. It’s the teenage boy played by Tye Sheridan. He’s the main character. He has a troubled home life, and he uses the discovery of Mud as a means of escaping a very shitty situation. Mud becomes a surrogate father to him. It’s kind of hard to describe this movie without giving away all the best parts. You’ll just have to take my word for it, that this is a movie well worth your time. It features rich characters, an intriguing backstory, and wonderful acting. Not only does McConaughey turn in a great performance, so does Sheridan. This movie really has it all. It’s the kind of film mainstream Hollywood wishes they could make. Be sure to check this one out.
Verdict: Good
15
Jul
14

Happy (Shitty) Six Year Anniversary

That’s a six. It came up in Google image search. Yes, it’s amazing.

I managed to evade The Man and The Good Taste Police long enough to last one more year. It’s amazing to think that I have been writing this blog for six years. Sure, it’s little more than a hate-filled rant against Hollywood, but it still takes some effort on my part to churn out all this drivel. I don’t really know how long I’ll be writing this blog. As long as Michael Bay is making movies, though, I’ll try my best to be here to watch shit so you don’t have to. Once again, let me thank all of you who drop by and read the blog and leave comments. Awesomely Shitty wouldn’t be half as much fun without you. So, until next year, here’s a happy (shitty) anniversary to me.

27
Apr
14

The Lego Movie

Hey, kids, be sure to buy all the toys!

Let’s just get this out of the way: The Lego Movie is not good. Everyone thinks it’s good, but it’s not. At best it’s average. People have become so blinded by the horrible garbage runoff that Hollywood incessantly churns out, that anything that isn’t remotely putrid is lauded as a masterpiece of cinema. That’s what happened with The Lego Movie. It wasn’t terrible, therefore, everyone thought it was amazing.
The Lego Movie starts out promising as it immediately critiques the homogenization of our culture, where everyone watches the same shitty TV show, drinks the same overpriced coffee, and listens to the same terrible pop music. “The Special” is the one person who will break the mold and revolutionize the Lego world. Unfortunately, this is where the film falls back in line with every trope you’ve seen before.

Continue reading ‘The Lego Movie’

05
Apr
14

Identity Thief, The World’s End

Identify Thief

I hate this movie so much.

This is a classic, stupid, road-trip, piece-of-shit movie that Hollywood loves to produce and defecate on the masses every year. The set-up is as generic as possible. Jason Bateman plays an average, everyday schmuck who has his identity stolen by brash, morbidly obese Melissa McCarthy. She has stolen his identity, racked up huge credit card bills, and put him in trouble with his employer. He travels across the country to set things right. What happens next is a prolonged road-trip where he uses her to clear up all the problems with his employer. Of course, in typically cliche fashion, they learn from one another and becomes friends in the process. This story has been told a billion times before, and this movie brings nothing new to the table. The characters are completely bland and one-dimensional. McCarthy uses physical “comedy” to elicit laughs from the audience. She punches a lot of people in the balls and runs away. This, I think, is the primary gag in the movie. It is also a sad commentary on what this film is. It’s a punch in the balls to the audience. If you paid money to see this shit, you got punched in the balls. If you saw it for free on Netflix, you still got punched in the balls, because this movie sucked 111 minutes of your life away. Don’t waste your time with this stinky piece of shit.
Verdict: Shitty
The World’s End

British culture summarized in a single picture.

The World’s End is directed by Edgar Wright, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and written by Wright and Pegg. It features the exploits of 6 childhood friends who return to their hometown to complete a famous pub crawl called “The Golden Mile.” The final pub on the crawl is the aptly named “World’s End.” The movie also forms the third act of the loose thematic “Cornetto Trilogy.” It’s one of those trilogies where none of the movies have anything in common except for the actors, director, and some thematic elements. I call bullshit on the fact they planned this as a trilogy. I bet they never had any consciousness of a trilogy back when they made the first or even second installments, but it only dawned on them when this movie went into production. In any case, the movie shows how different each of the 6 friends have become. Five of them have grown up, but one, Gary King played by Pegg, is still living life like he was 18 years old. He’s a drunk, a drug-addict, and an all-around loser. He revels in the nostalgia the pub crawl brings, while his other friends are wary of it. As the pub crawl goes on, the comedy becomes greater, and the characters warm up to each other. It seemed like things were really going to get deep, with serious character introspection, when the film throws a sudden curveball. It turns out that the town has been overrun by alien/bodysnatching robots. They started with this small town, and have plans for global domination. Only the 6 friends stand in their way. Things go balls-out crazy from this point forward. There are zany action scenes, chase sequences, killer robots, and heaping doses of comedy throughout the final act. The film turns itself into a commentary on our modern society and how everything has become homogenized (essentially all the pubs are identical) and how we have become like zombies, enslaved by our own technology. Zombies, hmm, yes, the alien robots are pretty much exactly like zombies. Which brings me to my biggest complaint about the film. The first film in the “Cornetto Trilogy,” Shaun of the Dead, was a spoof on zombie movies. The second, Hot Fuzz, was a spoof on cop movies. This film, sort of backtracks and does the zombie thing again. The town is overrun, the heroes are outnumbered, and slowly they are all turned into alien robots. They already did this before, and it seems like the filmmakers are spinning their wheels. The other problem was that the character depth we were just on the brink of experiencing was thrown away in favor of chases and fights. The characters do show growth by the end, but only in the most superficial ways (Gary quits drinking). To be perfectly honest, I greatly preferred the first half of the film. I want to see more of that, I want to see where those characters go in an organic way, without all the gimmickry of alien robots. Alas, we’ll never know. Overall, though, this was a fun movie. It was about something, had a deeper message, and had great action and comedy. Of the “Cornette Trilogy,” I’d say it’s my second favorite entry. Here’s how I would rank all three films:
Hot Fuzz > The World’s End > Shaun of the Dead
Verdict: Good
15
Feb
14

Iron Sky

They even have to “heil” on the moon.

Iron Sky is one of those movies that has a great concept and absolutely horrible execution. The plot is about a group of Nazis who escaped Earth in 1945 and colonized the dark side of the moon. They’ve been spending years building their space armada with plans to eventually return as a conquering force. It has all the trappings of what could be a cheesy yet brilliant sci-fi parody film. Iron Sky certainly gets the cheesy part right, but it fails everywhere else.
There are loads of problems with this movie. The writing, the acting (or perhaps over-acting), the directing, pretty much everything except the CGI was horrendous. The CGI surprisingly looked pretty good. That’s the only thing Iron Sky has going for it. And that certainly isn’t worth the price of admission. FYI, the price of admission is free on Netflix, but it’s still not worth it.
11
Jan
14

Ted is Stuffed Full of Shit

“From the creator of Family Guy”? There’s a real selling point.

Seth MacFarlane has taken a massive dump on the public once again. His directorial debut is nothing more than a rehash of the same tired jokes and pathetic characters he’s been shitting at us for over a decade. This time movie-goers were subjected to his lame brand of “comedy.”
The biggest problem is that Seth MacFarlane has one idea. That is, a semi-dysfunctional family who resides in an everyday American town gets involved in wacky adventures with their talking animal. Family Guy: talking dog (which died and was replaced by another talking dog). American Dad: talking alien and talking goldfish. The Cleveland Show: talking bears. And now Ted: talking teddy bear. Clearly, MacFarlane is a one-trick pony. He has absolutely no other ideas. Hell, he already had a talking bear on The Cleveland Show, and he recycled that on Ted. For fuck’s sake, how does this guy keep getting license to create new shows when every show is already exactly the same as the last?
21
Dec
13

Rare Exports – Crappy Christmas to You

This picture is better than the actual movie.

Rare Exports is a 2010 Finnish movie about Santa Claus. Although, it’s not Santa in the big red suit with a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. No, this version of Santa is a lot nastier. The film’s conceit is that Santa is a mythical monster, like something you’d see in an original Brother’s Grimm fairy tale. Santa is a feral creature who lives in the isolated woods of Finland. He ravenously kills and eats anyone who is naughty. Unfortunately, just about everyone is naughty, so no one is safe.
Sounds like a great setup, right? The premise is cool as hell, and certainly wins points for originality. OK, not exactly. The idea of a nearly impossible to please Santa Claus was already done in Futurama. A robotic Santa had such high standards that only Dr. Zoidberg made it to the nice list. Everyone else got a helping of laser blasts and rocket attacks. So, the idea isn’t completely original. But what idea is? The important thing is the execution. As long as they executed it well, everything will be fine.
The execution, however, sucked. The movie’s running time is only 82 minutes. Within such a short time to work, and with a cool premise, the best thing would be to introduce the characters, then jump right into the action. Rare Exports doesn’t do this. It spends the first 60 minutes farting around with boring characters. When shit finally gets going, there are only 20 minutes of film left. To say that the first hour of the movie is squandered would be an understatement.
14
Dec
13

Attack the Block is a Mush-Mouthed Mess

So gangsta.

Attack the Block is a 2011 British movie that is really more an attack on good taste than anything else. There are so many goddamn problems with this movie, I don’t even know where to begin.

The movie takes place in south London slums (?) and features a street gang (?) as the main characters. I use question marks because those things are really uncertain to me. Is that supposed to be slum, and is that supposed to be a gang? Honestly, the streets are pristine and the gang are a bunch of cute kids trying to act tough but looking cherubic instead. It’s a quaint version of what the British filmmakers must think a tough gang is like. I mean, if you want to see real slums and real gangs, then you need to watch The Wire. Those are some mean streets populated by tough motherfuckers. The gang in Attack the Block, on the other hand, features a bunch of kids playing hookey from school and thinking they are tough shit.

The central plot of the movie is about an alien invasion, and of course the only people that can stop it are the gang. The aliens are woefully hilarious. They are a bunch of guys in gorilla suits with glow-in-the-dark teeth running around on all fours. They don’t seem to have spaceships or technology or anything else for that matter. How’d they get to Earth in the first place? Did the head alien have explosive diarrhea and shit them into space or something?

Continue reading ‘Attack the Block is a Mush-Mouthed Mess’

09
Nov
13

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Hellsing Ultimate

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

So… many… characters…

I am a huge fan of the original anime series Fullmetal Alchemist. It’s a near-perfect vision of what anime should be. It has drama, humor, love, action, suspense, you name it, it has it. It was so good, in fact, I proclaimed it to be one of the greatest anime of the 2000-2009 decade.
Something very common in anime is for a popular manga to be animated before it has concluded. This happened with the original Fullmetal Alchemist series. Once the animators hit episode 34, they had caught up to the manga. They then had to create a brand new ending to finish the series. Fast forwarding several years, the manga has been completed. Not wanting to miss any chance at milking a cash-cow, the series was remade, from the beginning, to tell the entire story.
This, unfortunately, was a huge mistake. The first 34 episodes of the TV series (I don’t know how many books of the manga it took) is compressed into a mere 13 episodes. The content is told in an extremely hurried fashion. While the previous series used these episodes to introduce us to the characters and to slowly build the drama, the new series rushes through everything so quickly it doesn’t have a chance to breathe.



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