24
Jul
08

Kanon – Faggy Anime Defined

Kanons cast of assholes

Kanon's cast of assholes

There is a growing subgenre of anime that I like to call “faggy anime.” What is faggy anime, you ask? Well, it’s simple. Kanon is faggy anime. Clannad is faggy anime. Air is faggy anime. Basically, any series with over the top moe, a heavy romance theme, or a show that is based on a dating sim is faggy anime. Usually, these series feature a bunch of extremely well endowed high school girls who are totally shy, and all secretly like the protagonist. The thing that pisses me off about these shows is that they go into “cute overload.” They toss all conflict, drama, and any aspect of decent story telling to wind. In their place, they put a bunch of cute shit everywhere. The protagonist has the choice of any girl he wants (kind of like me in real life), but of course he is always too much of a pussy to act on it (unlike me). This rings especially false since 99% of anime feature high school students, and you know that a real life high school boy would be hitting that shit in a fucking second. But he doesn’t do that. He just can’t decide which girl he likes best. This is probably because he is actually gay. But let’s not over-analyze this stuff. Over-analyzing anime can lead to brain damage. It makes me sad that anime used to be the bastion of hard core violence and tentacle rape, but now it’s just a glut of moe shit.

You know what would be better than watching Kanon? Anything. This has to be some of the worst, sugary treacle to ever be broadcast over the airwaves. The characters are completely unbelievable. The main guy has amnesia, which is only sort of half-explained by the end. For some unknown reason I wanted to know what happened to him, so I subjected myself to this shit for 24 fucking episodes. Then, the explanation is sort of “oh by the way” and it really pissed me off. The other characters are all girls, and only exist for him to date one at a time. Yeah, let’s not bother giving them personalities or anything. At this point the show was bad, but not horrible. But then it is discovered that the first girl is actually a fox that became human. She dies later. At this point I was screaming, “Fuck you” at the show (with dual middle fingers, of course) for being completely inane. Come on, assholes, this is seriously the best you could fucking come up with? Jesus.

So the show meanders around with no plot or overarching story. He just goes from girl to girl. One of them fights invisible demons which turn out to be made by her own super healing abilities. WTF? The next one has an incurable, unnamed disease (it would have been too much work for the writers to go on Wikipedia for five seconds and actually research a real disease) who is supposed to die on her 16th birthday, or some such shit. She doesn’t die, and this is given no explanation whatsoever. The last girl is this really annoying, gluttonous midget who just makes weird noises and doesn’t know how to speak Japanese. It turns out she isn’t real at all, but the manifestation of her spirit. She’s a ghost? No, she’s actually in a coma at the hospital. I know this doesn’t make any sense, but just roll with it.

omg they r so hawt!!1

omg they r so hawt!!1

Then, I thought something awesome was going to happen. The only female character remaining was the guy’s cousin, who has a crush on him. I thought, “No way!” Were they actually going to hook up, and end the series with some sweet, sweet incest? I hoped so. I hoped that this show was actually going to try something radical. But guess what? It didn’t. He ends up…. wait for it…. CHOOSING THE FUCKING COMA VICTIM! Yes, that’s right, he winds up with someone who can’t move or speak. Someone who isn’t even conscious. Someone with a tube surgically implanted in their stomach, and a bunch of bed sores all over their body. Great choice, asshole!

Complaints about the idiocy of the show’s “story” aside, how did everything else fare? The animation quality was actually quite good. It stayed fairly consistent throughout. There isn’t a lot of action, so it was probably easy to do this. There was some usage of CGI here and there, but it wasn’t really noticeable, which is certainly a good thing. The music was fine. It was pretty unmemorable, and just faded into the background. There were no stand out tracks, and the opening was so sappy it was practically unwatchable. However, it wasn’t irritating, and no songs ever outstayed their welcome. The acting was fine, although all the little “cute” sounds (e.g. UGUUUUUUUUUU) got overwhelmingly annoying at times. ADV Films has released the series in the U.S. on DVD, so if you’re into faggy anime or you are a masochist, you can pick it up and watch it over and over again.

Overall, this was a horrible series. The plot and character actions defy all logic. Every guy that watches faggy anime just fantasizes that he is the series protagonist. This gives otaku a skewed world vision. It makes them think that all girls are incredibly hot and shy, and there are 10 of them that all want their boner. Sorry, but this just isn’t true. Stop watching this shit already.

Verdict: Shitty

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44 Responses to “Kanon – Faggy Anime Defined”


  1. 1 LeoXiao
    August 29, 2008 at 10:46 am

    too bad this is what 90% of anime is like…

  2. 2 X
    March 20, 2009 at 7:58 am

    I was wondering how much Kanon sucked. Evidently, it’s a completely miserable pile of colors. These Japanese soap operas would be a lot better if they focused more on the sex instead of the KAWAIIIIIIIII CUTENESS FUCK YOU aspect. Thanks for the review.

  3. 3 God
    November 26, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I thought kanon was pretty good. Clannad was amazing. Perhaps your just not a romance type of person. I personally love romance tragedy. Im not much of a fan of PORN or HENTAI. If your looking for that, then you shouldn’t really be watching ANIME. there are things called HENTAI.

    • 4 Tsukihime
      January 28, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      Thank you. I didn’t see anything wrong with the anime(yes I agree that there are a lot of anime out there with the same things. Ex/ guy with multiple well-endowed females to choose from to screw around with). The character’s eyes are a little scary in my opinion(well, the female eyes anyway. The men characters were not bad. They had just enough depth, unlike the girls do).
      To the blogger: Something should be said here about the company that made Kanon and AiR and Clannad. KEY started off as a company that made dating sim games. I’m honestly a tiny bit surprised that there were actually no hentai scenes in the animated counterparts of the visual novels they had made(Clannad excluded). Let me put it in simpler terms for the blogger: KEY. makes. this. genre. of. anime. Well, they made at least some of it. More companies have been coming around doing the same thing lately. Why? Because it’s successful. It’s getting them money. And a lot of it. Why would they keep making this kind of series if they were getting nothing for it? There must be a high demand for it, otherwise it wouldn’t be supplied by so many companies. In other words, if you wanted to watch a series about tentacle rape, you shouldn’t be looking for anime, but hentai instead. It’s not their fault that their level of perversion is not as high as yours.

  4. 6 Graham
    August 26, 2011 at 1:52 am

    Shiori was cured by Mai.. so was aunt Akiko.

  5. May 2, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    In order to write a detailed post on Clannad, I would have to rewatch it. I’d rather gouge my eyes out. Sorry.

  6. May 20, 2013 at 10:57 am

    You seem to hate faggy anime even more than I do. And that’s saying something!

  7. 9 TwinS
    May 21, 2013 at 11:39 am

    A seven-year-old could write something better (and more epic) than Kanon. None of its events make any sense, the characters are forgettable, and it is non-stop inaction.

  8. 11 Metal Man
    May 23, 2013 at 11:03 am

    Puss in Boots still has a better voice and more personality and facial expressions than the deadpan demon fighter.

    • May 24, 2013 at 8:43 am

      If you are talking about the Antonio Banderas version, then I completely agree.

      • 13 Metal Man
        May 24, 2013 at 10:47 am

        Yep. I really like that version. Long after seeing his movie, I figured that by dropping Kanon before the demon fighter’s arc, I wouldn’t miss anything I haven’t seen from something better.

  9. 14 Shadow Man
    May 24, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    Do you know what needed to happen in Kanon? This:

  10. 16 Crash Man
    May 24, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I know just what would make Kanon better:
    http://tinyurl.com/ph465u9

  11. 17 Metal Man
    May 27, 2013 at 11:47 am

    I just saw Ramiel destroy the fox girl:
    http://tinyurl.com/q6r3pfq

  12. 18 Ring Man
    June 1, 2013 at 10:57 am

    If you’ve seen one visual novel-based anime, you’ve seen them all. In fact, if I never noticed the title of one, I would have no idea what I was watching. Conversely, memorable action epics always have something to give them an identity of their own.

  13. June 3, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    You mentioned Scryed in your post! You won a lot of bonus points for that. 🙂

  14. 21 Flame Stag
    June 5, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    When the fox girl died, I couldn’t really care less. The music and writers were clearly trying to manipulate me, but unlike Kamina, she had zero strong moments to connect me to her. In addition, Miles Tails Prower is a far superior fox to that girl. (Why am I thinking about Kamina and Tails right now instead of Kanon? Simple: Kanon sucks.)

  15. 23 Launch Octopus
    June 10, 2013 at 11:01 am

    The demon hunter had fight scenes for the sake of fight scenes and they were very generic. Putting action scenes in an inaction anime doesn’t make it better; rather it reminds me that there are far superior action epics with great character development.

  16. 24 ASDFwarrior
    June 20, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    Ha ha ha, Mega Man X just destroyed the UGUU girl because Kanon sucks:

    • 25 ge
      October 15, 2013 at 6:42 pm

      At least canon was better than 2004 and after story was way better than the original.
      I know you think they are all shit but I would still recommend after story.
      At least its not air or kon.
      Still a better love story than twilight.

      • October 19, 2013 at 10:05 am

        I’m sure everything is a better love story than Twilight. I really don’t think I could bring myself to watch After Story, but who knows? Maybe some day I’ll be in the mood to punish myself.

  17. 27 Cut Man
    January 5, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    A single episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic had better storytelling than the entirety of Kanon (and Air and Clannad, for that matter) and much more memorable and multidimensional characters.

  18. 29 Twilight Sparkle
    April 15, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    UGH! The typical scene from Kanon has nothing to offer. To quote the Nostalgia Critic: “TELL A STORY! Seriously, there’s only so much whimsical pandering an audience can take! Do something of substance!”

  19. 31 g
    May 11, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    I dare you to watch the 2002 edition

  20. 32 Princess Luna
    July 3, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Couldn’t get past the first episode. It was too boring, and I’m a BRONY. It didn’t have what the bronies like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for: Action, story, and inspirational messages.

    And by the way, Severus Snape killed Kanon’s cast last night: http://tinyurl.com/nrthard

  21. 33 0ctaviamelody
    June 16, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    I’m a brony for life, but Kanon WILL fade out. Did you know that bronies are generally smarter than the Debbie Downers who watch Kanon? It’s true! Bronies learn more in one episode of MLP: FiM than Kanon fans learn in 24.

  22. 34 Princess Celestia
    December 31, 2015 at 10:33 am

    Great news! People don’t talk about Air or Kanon as much anymore and have moved on to other shows like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Star Wars Rebels, Regular Show, and Steven Universe. Hell, Elsa from Frozen gets a million times more attention than anyone in Kanon!


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