Fuck You, Air Travelers

I am sending out a giant FUCK YOU to everyone who was traveling by air this holiday season. But most especially to the selfish motherfuckers who put their goddamn oversized Gortex coats and laptop cases in the overhead bins (you know who you are). Those bins aren’t for your fucking coats and laptop cases, that’s what the spot underneath the seat is for. The bins are for the rolling carry-on’s that are too big to fit under the seat. But you assholes put your fucking shit up there and take up the space, so I can’t put my goddamn carry-on anywhere. There was this one guy in particular. I asked him if I could move his stuff (a laptop case and a coat – you guessed it), so I could put my carry-on into the bin above my seat. He said I could move it around, but he wouldn’t be altruistic enough to take it out of the bin. So much for the fucking holiday season, and looking out for your fellow man and all that bullshit. This was happening everywhere, and becoming such a big problem that they crew made a special announcement telling those assholes to put their small cases and coats under the seats so people could put their larger carry-on’s in the overhead bins. (This has been getting really bad since the airlines started charging for checking bags… so fuck you, too, airlines.) After the announcement was made, I looked around and failed to see a single person do this. This is something that could only happen in America, where we care more about our own fucking comfort than: 1) following the rules, or 2) doing something to aid our fellow man. I eventually did find a spot for my bag, although it was in the first class section, approximately fifty rows up from where I was sitting, crammed into a seat barely large enough for a small midget. So, the selfishness of the other air travelers really made my experience a great one. Thanks a lot, assholes. Go fuck yourselves.