I checked out the new Star Trek movie this weekend, being brave enough to even go on opening night. When I say brave enough, I mean I had to take two extra Xanax’s just to be able to spend that much time so close to other people. I don’t do well in public places.
I had fully intended to wear my Ferengi costume, but my fellow Trekkers said that since Ferengis were never in the original series I wouldn’t be canon. They were right. Sadly, I went with the tride and true, but overused, Klingon costume. While waiting in line we got in an argument about which Starship Enterprise was the best. Clearly, the NCC-1701-A was the best, but those other, retarded Trekkers were trying to convince me that NCC-1701-E was better. Just because it has new phaser banks and torpedo launchers, plus it can be piloted by a joystick doesn’t mean it’s good. Come on, it can’t even do a saucer separation like the NCC-1701-D! How could anyone think that is cool?
Once I got up to the ticket counter, I realized I had forgotten to put my wallet into my costume, so my “friend” had to buy my ticket. My “friend” is the same individual that thinks The Menagerie counts as one episode, even though the Wikipedia entry clearly states that Parts I and II have different air dates. It’s like he just put his head in the sand and ignored the experts. Anyway, my “friend” did buy my ticket, but he wasn’t able to get the student discount for me since I didn’t have my Student ID. He had to pay full price, and expects me to pay him back for it. He and I both know that I am a student, so I don’t see why I should have to give him $9.50, when the student rate is $7.00. Idiot.
When we got into the theater a bunch of people laughed at us for wearing our costumes. They probably wouldn’t have laughed if I had rememberd to bring my Klingon bat’leth. I look like a badass with that. I have practiced a lot at home with it, and I’m pretty good at swinging it around, free-form style. When you watch the video of me with it you can see that I’m intimidating. I should upload that to Youtube some day.
Even though we got there half an hour early, most of the seats were already taken. We could either sit in the very front or very back. We went for the back, because I didn’t want to get another muscle spasm by having to look up at the screen for two hours. When we finally sat down, my “friend” and some random guy started talking about which was better, Star Trek or Star Wars. I can’t believe he would participate in such a moronic debate. This random guy was saying that Star Wars was better because of the Force, Darth Vader, Light Sabers, and Death Star. Really? Was this dweeb serious? I don’t think I need to explain to you why all of that stuff is wrong. It’s obvious why Star Trek is superior, so I won’t waste your time going into the reasons (if you are intelligent, you probably know why anyway). George Lucas is a dipshit. Gene Roddenberry was a visionary.
So after waiting for what seemed like a lifetime in Vulcan years, the movie finally started. We were forced to sit through cel phone ads, shitty trailers, and that godawful Papa Roach National Guard music video/recruiting commercial. I felt like the only way I could have gotten through it all was with some Romulan Ale, but my mom didn’t have any blue Kool-Aid in the fridge for me to put some vodka in, so I had to go sober. Eventually all the nonsense ended and the film began.
They changed a lot of stuff that is supposed to be canon. Clearly J.J. Abrams doesn’t understand the meaning of canon. You can’t just go changing it! My “friend” was telling me that he didn’t violate canon because the entire movie took place in an alternate reality. But he doesn’t even know that Chekov wasn’t introduced until episode 36 (production number 30 – the first episode of the second season), so you can’t believe what he says, anyway.
The special effects were nice, although the Enterprise looked too futuristic. They really should have used something similar to the sets from the original series if they wanted to be serious about continuity. The music was kind of a let down because they didn’t use the original themes, or even the film themes except during the closing credits. The acting was good, but the new cast didn’t have the same amount of charisma as the original cast. Leonard Nimoy was amazing in it. Live long and prosper, Leonard! I do wish they would have found some way to put William Shatner in it, because Star Trek would be nothing without him. I’ve probably given away my position on the epic Kirk vs. Picard debate, but that’s ok. I can see why some people like Picard, but Kirk was the first, and best captain. Sisko takes a distant third, Archer fourth, and… I’m not even going to mention Janeway.
Well, when everything was over I went back home and fired up my DVD player to relive the glory days of the original series. I have both the original DVD release and the CGI remastered release. I usually watch the original just because I like my Star Trek unspoiled, but I have the remastered for completion’s sake. While watching I started making a checklist of all the things the new movie got wrong or contradicted. I should post that sometime soon. Maybe I’ll make a video blog about it, and when I do I’ll finally get to wear my Ferengi costume. Oh, and I’ll show off my sweet bat’leth moves, too.