Ok, so apparently people love crap. They must. There is no other explanation for why stuff like live-action Transformers, Kanon, Twilight, and every show on MTV are so popular. This love of shit spreads to every media, including video games. A while ago I wrote a completely even-handed review of Okami for the Wii. Despite my best warnings to you people, you didn’t listen. Despite horrible sales, you continued to write glowing reviews lauding the “merits” of this game, and guess what message you sent to the creators?
“LOL HEY CREATORS OF OKAMI TIHS GAME IS AWESOME YOU SHOULD TOTALY MAK EA SEQUAL LOL!”
And video game designers being the money-hungry whores that they are, decided to go ahead a make a sequel. If the first one didn’t sell, then the sequel will totally be a success, right? Now there is Okami 2, which is titled Okamiden. Typically, sequels will keep the best elements that worked in the original game, get rid of the aspects that didn’t work, and offer additional changes to create a new gaming experience. Is that what they did with Okamiden? No, of course not.
Did they get rid of the terrible Celestial Brush that never worked? No. Well, then they must have gotten rid of the monotonous side-quests of circling trees. No. Um, so they let you finally take recognition for being a god? No. So they must have changed up the repetitive combat system? No. Uhhh, is it a side scroller? Sorry, still no.
The big change up they made was to make the dog-god Amaterasu into a puppy named Chibiterasu. In Japanese, Chibi means “little.” Are you fucking kidding me? That’s the best name they could come up with? Little-terasu? That’s like doing a prequel to Hellboy and naming it Hellbaby. See how it works in English? Or rather, doesn’t work? Suddenly, it’s no longer cute. Now you can see it in all of its terribleness.
Okami was originally released for the PS2, and then ported over to the Wii. The sequel, however, will be on the Nintendo DS. On the positive side, this should resolve the issues with the Celestial Brush spazzing out and never working (as it did for the Wii). On the negative side, it makes it seem like more of a Zelda clone than ever, since there are approximately 175,000 Zelda games made for portable systems. Don’t deny it Okami-fanboys, game creator Hideki Kamiya has stated that Zelda was a huge inspiration for him.
Let’s face it, Okami was a shitty game. It failed to have good sales in Japan, and continued to fail to have good sales in the U.S. Failing in two counties (with quite disparate markets) should tell you something. Unfortunately, the gaming blogosphere is dominated by weeaboo nerds, who forgave all of Okami’s faults because it looked like a Japanese watercolor painting.
Whatever. I guess Okamiden will be fairly benign. I just wish people would listen to me for once. Don’t waste all your time and money developing, releasing, buying, and playing a game that is AVERAGE at best. Save your money for something awesome. Like a Detroit Metal City game. Now that would rule. Getting to play as Krauser as he rapes the Tokyo Tower would be the most epic gaming experience of all time.
Just because a game lets you pretend to be Japanese doesn’t make it good.