Shigurui – Lethargy Frenzy

Hurrrr, serious business.

At first glance I thought I would have loved Shigurui. Reading a few synopses told me it had all the stuff I love: hardcore violence, nudity, rape, hardcore violence, misogyny, and hardcore violence. Even the title Shigurui – Death Frenzy, made me super pumped to watch it. Unfortunately, what I actually found myself watching was anything but awesome. Oh sure, it did have hardcore violence, nudity, rape, and misogyny but the execution was piss-poor. If a series like Shigurui was able to sap all the fun out of great stuff like sex and violence, then what hope is there for it to be good?

The story takes place in feudal Japan, and is told almost entirely in an extended flashback. It features two promising young samurai who struggle to become the next heir of an elite Japanese clan of sword fighters. There is deceit and betrayal, and someone emerges victorious while the other sulks away with hurt feelings. The guy who got butthurt ultimately decides to return for revenge. Telling the story in four sentences makes it sound totally awesome. However, the plodding pace and lethargic narrative absolutely kill any chance the series had of being interesting.

Facebook Movie – The Social Network – dismissive wanking motion

I recently had the (dis)pleasure of watching the critically jizzed upon film, The Social Network. Essentially, it’s just The Facebook Movie, or perhaps more accurately, The Thefacebook Movie, although it should really be called, Filling Two Hours with Mark Zuckberg’s Passive-Aggressive Bullshit. Seriously, what the fuck was this movie supposed to be about?

I guess it’s supposed to tell the story of the founding of internet juggernaut Facebook. But it’s not really about that. Actually, very little time is spent on Facebook itself. Half the movie is spent watching Zuckerberg obsess about how to create/improve his website, and the other half is spent in depositions as Zuckerberg defends himself against two simultaneous lawsuits. Obviously, you can’t make a movie about the actual Facebook webpage, but there could have been a more interesting angle for the filmmakers to take. Actually, either angle alone would have been fine, they should have just picked one or the other and gone with that, instead of taking this schizophrenic approach, trying to cram both stories into a two hour running time. Neither version works nearly as well as it could.

I appreciate that Zuckerberg is not a hero in this movie. It is a rare thing for a Hollywood movie to actually have a morally ambiguous, or perhaps villainous, central character. They could have gone the cliche route and have the movie be about cuddly Zuckerberg’s triumph against adversity to become a multi-billionaire. But they didn’t, so at least they succeeded in that aspect. Unfortunately, they still managed to drop the ball, because, let’s face it, most Hollywood screenwriters are idiots.

Zuckerberg’s personality is given to us at face value. He passive-aggressively interacts with people, he shadily sides with Napster Dude to cockblock his former business partner Eduardo, and he speaks like an abrasive jerk to people he feels are beneath him (i.e. everyone). Zuckerberg’s motivations are left completely up to the imagination of the viewers. A more in-depth look at his psyche is not offered up. Most likely this is because the writer exhausted all of his creative juices dreaming up ridiculous scenes where computer programmers do shots while having underground coding competitions. God forbid they try to actually EXPLORE the main character’s motivations and social failings. Does he have Asperberger’s? Was he abused as a child? Is he stuck in a bi-curious phase? We’ll never know. The way things are presented, we are expected to accept that Zuckerberg’s character is a total douche just because he is a total douche (maybe that works in real life, but not in movies). That’s weak ass writing. I would expect nothing less from Hollywood assholes.