26
Mar
11

The Zen of Spam

Maintaining a blog for two and a half years has its perks. One of the best parts is getting great spam messages in the comment inbox. While most of them are links to porn sites or incoherent gibberish, there are some that are comedic gems. I have listed some of my favorites, in no particular order. Read them and meditate. To understand them is to achieve enlightenment.

  • Hello. Good blog. I enjoy reading it. It has great games and Jason Statham content.

It’s awfully nice of you to say that. I can’t tell you how many Jason Statham articles I’ve written (zero), but I’m happy you found them to be enjoyable. And as for games, my personal favorite is a spirited game of strip Twister. Ah, the wonderful middle school gym class memories…

  • Wow! what an idea ! What a concept ! Beautiful… Amazing…

Since you left this comment in the post Sexman Monday: Iron Man 2, I have to assume that Sexman is the one you find to be beautiful and amazing. I would never dare to disagree. He is quite a catch.

  • Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

I had no idea these random spam-generating bots could be so profound.

  • One time I accidentally stumbled upon a remarkable site that allowed me to meet my beloved. The site is very popular, I’m glad that came across him, his name I’ll write in the next post

What site was it? Who did you meet? What is his name? Tell me now! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!!!

  • A speech does not need to be eternal to be immortal.

One thing a speech does need is to be coherent, which is something this spam message severely lacks.

  • Simplicity is an exact medium between too little and too much.

Another message about simplicity, huh? These random spam-generating bots seem to have a major hard on for simplicity.

  • Unquestionably the biggest fantasy of most people is to glowing in their own homes. It is achievable for everyone decent not all can pay such an scrutiny, do not go nearby and the stairs that you will live and see and not throw anything.

I can’t tell you the number of times (zero) I laid awake at night, dreaming about glowing in my own home. Unfortunately, I just can’t find anything radioactive enough. Maybe I need to check the listings near Chernobyl. Or Japan. What? Too soon?

  • “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.”

I think you meant this famous quote, “Better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” Spam bots should really take that quote to heart. Next time you want to send some porn or computer viruses my way, make sure it’s the good stuff.

  • Ernest Hemingway~ Theres absolutely nothing noble in becoming superior for your fellow males. Accurate the aristocracy is being superior to your former self.

I believe the actual quote is, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, for the love of god never quote Hemingway on this website again. The only bipolar, drug-addicted, narcissist that can ever grace Awesomely Shitty is Charlie Sheen. Hemingway can give me a call when he has tiger blood flowing through his veins.

  • As we’re on If There Was a Video Game Version of Sucking Balls, it Would Be Called Halo. Awesomely Shitty, Gaming is popular with teenagers, women, children, as well as men. Older people say they play games as it alleviates loneliness and puts them in contact with others. Statistics reveal that 41% of gamers are women and more than 43 % gamers are aged 25-49. And, research predicts that the games market in 2011 will be US$ 99 billion.

Thanks for the informative message, Marketing Research Spam Bot. Knowledge is power. An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. Joe! Anyone got any more knowledge proverbs I can throw in here?

  • Is Bigfoot Real or pseudo? For more than 400 a long time, there have been reporting’s of a man like beast that is utterly covered in hair.

I think he’s pseudo. Then again, people have been reporting his presence for more than 400 a long time, which is a really long time. Maybe he’s real after all. Thanks for opening my mind, X-Files Spam Bot.

  • A sex toy is an object or device that is primarily used to facilitate human sexual pleasure. The most popular sex toys are designed to resemble human genitals and may be vibrating or non-vibrating. The term can also include BDSM apparatus and sex furniture such as slings, however it is not applied to items such as birth control, pornography, or condoms.

Maybe this is true in the West. However, I’m willing to bet that the most popular sex toys in Japan are designed to resemble alien/demon tentacles, and may be vibrating or non-vibrating. Even though I get all of my cultural knowledge from hardcore anime porn, this has got to be accurate.

  • Thoroughly cooked, I entitled you all again. After my extended companionship in the forum is not, I could not learn the shibboleth to your old sketch and started a up to date one. I’m pleased as punch that I am again with you.

Don’t get too down on yourself, after all not many people can learn the shibboleth to my old sketch. It’s rather tricky. But keep on shibbolething, someday you just might figure it out.

  • Hello. And Bye. fr33 pr0n this is it!

Where? You didn’t give me any fr33 pr0n. Is it the spam message itself? What kind of fr33 pron is this? L33t speak pr0n? Damn you, internet. Don’t you know by now that the only type of pr0n that gets me off is dwarves dressed up in plush animal costumes while they gangbang asians in schoolgirl uniforms who are puking into each others mouths while Gary Busey rides a bull and cackles maniacally in the background?

  • While the focus is on the stock horse and Western riding, the editors include articles on other breeds, as well as some information on English riding.

Last time I checked, I haven’t written any posts on horse riding, so I have to assume this is a reference to a fr33 horse pr0n site.

  • Ola i,m beginner in this questbook and i will want the newinfo postated heare.I can see your web fromwordpress and i have tryed to register some days a go but this secret code was hard ro read but i manage it 🙂 This was my introduction in this forum
    Regards Me
    And this is my web you can send to my e-mail

First, I think you meant to say “hola.” Second, you clearly are a beginner to this questbook called the internet. Now that I think about it, questbook is a great description of the internet. Navigating its unknown depths can be like a quest. A quest for fr33 pr0n, but a quest nonetheless.

There  you have it. A profound collection of spam. I hope you liked it. Consider your mind expanded. Or blown. Whichever works.

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3 Responses to “The Zen of Spam”


  1. 1 Anon
    March 27, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Greatest filler post ever.

  2. 2 Tomash
    April 1, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Well, at least you didn’t get any Viagra spam, which is incredibly more alarming when sent by a loved one.


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