Samurai 7 is an anime reimagining of Akira Kurosawa’s classic film Seven Samurai. The movie is incredible, a truly epic tale of samurai, the futility of war, life, death, and the end of the samurai era. It should be seen by everyone, especially those who take an interest in film and/or Japanese culture. Samurai 7, on the other hand, is none of those things. It’s a watered down, cheesy, stupid, badly animated piece of crap from none other than Gonzo, the kings of shitty anime. What they did was take a 3 and 1/2 hour movie and stretch it into 26 episodes, roughly 13 hours. To do this, they obviously needed to include more shit. They added great stuff like a merchant lord trying to kill samurai because he thought their poor, farmer companion was hot, the same merchant lord discovering he is a clone of the emperor, a group of omnipotent merchant bat-people, and of course samurai flying through the air and destroying the shit out of giant robots with puny swords. In classic Gonzo style, the animation quality varies wildly, the CGI (of which there is plenty) is amateurish, the writing is weak, half the story makes no sense, and the thing drags on and on. It might have worked as a 13 episode series, but 26 was way too long. Half the episodes were filled with nothing happening. Gonzo didn’t rush the ending, which is unusual for them, but it wasn’t enough to save this series from being crap.
Eden of the East
Another series from troll master Kenji Kamiyama. This is the same asshole who did an amazing job with Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, and then turned around and intentionally created the shitfest known as Moribito. Eden of the East falls somewhere in between. While it isn’t a huge piece of shit like Moribito, it does not reach any level of greatness or even goodness. It has an interesting premise, but it isn’t executed well. The series is only 11 episodes long, but somehow manages to drag its way lethargically through half those. The writing is aimless, boring, and has no clear sense of where it is going. The first couple of episodes were cool, and the last few weren’t half bad either. But I can’t forgive it for essentially having no direction. Clearly, Kamiyama had no idea where he was going when he started it. Also, nothing is wrapped up by the end of the series. Oh sure, there are two more movies that supposedly conclude the story, but my interest in watching good things will preclude me from watching those.
Strike Witches (AKA Cameltoe Heaven)
Uuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh. Typical, horrible, eye-gougingly bad piece of moe shit. Let’s do a quick checklist of what this series has to offer.
- Super moe characters.
- Super moe characters with flat chests.
- Super moe characters with flat chests and annoying voices.
- Weak plot.
- Shitty “action” sequences.
- In this alternate universe, women do not wear anything below the waist (i.e. skirts or pants).
- On second thought, item number 6 isn’t so bad.
- Oh, who am I kidding, item number 6 just makes the show all that more retarded.
So, pretty much every I hate.