02
Jun
12

Irregardless, You Sound Like an Asshole

lolcats, appropriate for any occasion.

I’ve been working on my Ph.D. in Internet Trolling for the last 15 years. In all that time, I’ve probably read a billion blog and forum posts. One thing I’ve learned from all that is people have terrible grammar. And I don’t mean the occasional typo or awkwardly phrased sentence. Hell, immune from that I am not. Ahem. What I mean is really fucking horrific grammar. The kind of stuff that makes you question whether you’re reading modern English or Celtic runes. It just goes to reinforce the fact that people are stupid.

Further reinforcing that is the constant use of fake words. It would be way too much work for the average mouth-breather to use a dictionary, so instead they type words they think are real. Unfortunately, more often than not, they turn out to be bullshit words that people propagate because they want to sound intelligent, but are too lazy to put any work into actually being intelligent.

My all time favorite most hated example of this is the fake word “irregardless.”

OK, so I guess you could say that “irregardless” is a real word, because it is something that people say. That’s like believing Bigfoot is real because a lot of people think he is. Just because you want something to be a certain way, doesn’t make it so. No matter how much you want “irregardless” to be a cool-sounding, super-fancy word, it never will be. “Irregardless” is not something you will find in the dictionary, except that it may be there to point you in the direction of “regardless” or “irrespective” which are, in fact, real words.

See?

Yes, that’s right, the words you are thinking of are “irrespective” and “regardless.” Putting them together does not suddenly create a new hybrid word that is more powerful than all other words combined. No, you just sound like Sarah Palin, making up bullshit words like “refudiate.” Clearly, you have no respect for the English language. You continue to rape it like it is some poor 13 year old Russian prostitute trying to pay off her father’s gambling debts.

I realize that I’ve probably just blown your mind by telling you that “irregardless” is not a real word. Of course, you may be thinking that “irregardless” sounds like a perfectly cromulent word, so why not just go ahead and use it? Well, the problem is that to people who have half a brain, you sound like a dumbfuck. Just because “irregardless” is a portmanteau of two real words doesn’t make it real by extension. Kind of like replacing a sandwich’s two pieces of bread with two pieces of fried chicken, and continuing to call it a sandwich. It is no longer a sandwich. It is a godless monstrosity meant to destroy mankind.

Oh, the humanity!

So, here’s a breakdown of why you shouldn’t use “irregardless.” Let’s start with the definitions of its root words:

Regardless: heedless, unmindful, without concern as to advice

Irrespective: without regard to something else, ignoring or discounting

Basically, the two root words mean the same thing. But when you combine them you form a double negative. “Ir” means “not” and “less” means “without.” If regardless means you are unmindful of something, and you put a negative in front of that, it changes the meaning. It now means you are mindful of something. You have changed the meaning 180 degrees. For example:

“I must make the decision regardless of consequences.” — or — I must make the decision despite the consequences.

“I must make the decision irregardless of consequences.” — or — I must make the decision because of the consequences.

The entire meaning of the sentence has now changed. You see how stupid that sounds? That’s exactly what you sound like when you say “irregardless.” You sound like a pseudo-intellectual moron, throwing around words (real or fake) without knowing what the hell they mean.

What he said.

To my surprise very intelligent people such as professors, doctors, lawyers, etc all make this mistake. I think they say it because they think it sounds more intelligent. “LOL WELL I COULD SAY REGARDLESS BUT PEOPLE WILL THINK I’M EVEN SMARTER IF I SAY IRREGARDLESS NOT INSTEAD LOL!” Yeah, that about sums it up. People use the word to make themselves look smarter but end up looking dumber as a result.

Take “irregardless” out of your vocabulary. It doesn’t belong there in the first place. You might be an intelligent person (although that’s doubtful if you’re wasting your time reading this blog), but if you say, type, or think the word “irregardless”, you sound like an asshole.

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22 Responses to “Irregardless, You Sound Like an Asshole”


  1. June 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Great rant, sir. My biggest pet peeve is “anyways” — why do people feel the need to add an “s”??

  2. June 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Splendidly Informative Article.

    But, You know, it’s been a while since we had some Classically Shitty…

    • June 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

      It has been a while since we had some Classically Shitty, hasn’t it. Unfortunately, in order to write those, I need to subject myself to the so-called classics…

  3. 5 mrsbrik
    June 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    The double down sandwich is in fact a sandwich. A delicious, delicious sandwich. And you say “zomg” all the time which is totally not a word. Anyways.

  4. June 5, 2012 at 4:16 am

    Brik says “ZOMG”? 😀 I’m glad I stopped by today!

    Havent been by in awhile because I’ve been busy being a self aggrandizing douchebag.

    Irregardless, this site is still one of the funniest around.

  5. June 8, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Fooooogggggsssssyyyyy, come out to plaaaaayyyyy!

  6. 10 Binarystep
    April 27, 2013 at 10:15 am

    Actually, irregardless is a word. It has been around since the 1760’s.

    • April 27, 2013 at 2:25 pm

      You have a source for that?

      • 12 Wade Wilson
        May 20, 2013 at 1:29 pm

        Earliest use I’ve come across is @1927. While it is listed in the Dictionary, and is in fact a word, it is an ignorant redundancy/double negative, and means the same exact thing as ‘regardless’. It is commonly used by stupid people who are oblivious to this simple, obvious fact.
        And yes- it makes you sound like a stupid asshole.

      • May 21, 2013 at 7:54 am

        Thanks for the info! Despite the fact that it “exists” it still doesn’t make any sense to use it.

      • 14 Binarystep
        May 21, 2013 at 8:38 am

        Dictionary.com.

      • May 21, 2013 at 12:52 pm

        Even Dictionary.com lists irregardless as originating around 1910-1915 and not the 1760s as you stated earlier.

      • 16 Binarystep
        May 23, 2013 at 9:59 am

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irregardless

        ^1795 use of it mentioned 🙂

        Also, what are your thoughts on conversate/pronunciate?

      • May 24, 2013 at 8:37 am

        I’ve never heard anyone use “conversate” or “pronunciate” in my presence. Just looking at those words makes me angry.

      • 18 Binarystep
        May 21, 2013 at 8:42 am

        Also, it’s just language evolution. Languages change. “Robin Hood” used to be spelled “Robyn Hyod”. The only language that’s static is Latin, a dead language. On another note, in Shakespeare’s time, people used double negatives to add emphasis to words. And the only reason double negatives are frowned upon is that they’re impossible in Latin.

      • May 21, 2013 at 12:54 pm

        Yes, that’s true, languages are constantly evolving. If in Shakespeare’s times people did use double-negatives, that’s great and all, but we generally don’t use them today. So in that case, it would seem wrong to use irregardless, even if it would have been accepted centuries ago. Nevertheless, I still can’t stand that word. 🙂

  7. 20 Trev
    January 21, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    What about “awful”? It has a lot more misuse than “irregardless” or “supposebly”.


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