02
Sep
12

Classically Shitty: Raging Bull

Raging pug?

Raging Bull is another one of those “classic” movies the film-fags love. Just take a look at this quote from a professional film critic. It pretty much sums up everything the film-fags think about this movie: “An essential addition to the libraries of all true cinephiles, the film is a triumph both for De Niro and his director, Martin Scorsese.”

It’s amazing to me that these fuckers loved this piece of shit so much. It also amazes me how film-fags refer to themselves as “cinephiles,” which is one of the most pretentious -sounding things I’ve ever heard. These people probably sit around in their skinny jeans, berets and striped shirts, smoking cigarettes, eating baguettes, and talking in fake French accents about how their taste in movies runs so much deeper than that of the average person.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the capability to express in words how much this movie sucks ass. The English language doesn’t have strong enough curse words to truly convey my hatred for Raging Bull. So, I decided to illustrate my reactions to the viewing experience by showing you pictures of pugs.

1) Anticipating watching the movie.

2) Getting the DVD from Netflix.

3) Beginning the movie / first boxing scene.

4) There doesn’t seem to be a lot going on…

5) OK, this movie is slower than I had expected.

6) I’m getting bored now.

7) Super fucking bored, how much longer is this movie anyway?

8) I’ll go get a snack, that will help my boredom.

9) Still hungry, time for some potato chips.

10) Nothing’s haaappeniiing…

11) ZZZZZZZZZZ

12) ZZZZZZZZZZ

13) ZZZZZZZZZZ

14) Holy shit! I woke up and realized what a fucking awful movie this is!

15) Maybe I’ll watch something better like Conan the Barbarian.

16) All right, now this is a good movie.

As you can see, yet another “classic” film has turned out to be a boring, bloated, overwrought turd. There must be some kind of conspiracy out there, where critics get together and label crap as “classic” and then get a good fucking laugh over how people will watch shitty movies and pretend to profess their love for them. This movie is trash, and should be avoided by all humans and pugs alike.

Verdict: Shitty

Of course not everyone agrees… for a counterpoint, check out “Movies that Everyone Should See: Raging Bull” at Fogs’ Movie Reviews. We released our reviews concurrently, so be sure to check it out.

Check out these other entries in the Classically Shitty series:

Blazing Saddles

Citizen Kane

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

The Hustler

2001: A Space Odyssey


25 Responses to “Classically Shitty: Raging Bull”


  1. September 2, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Foiled again by the unassailable wisdom of the Brik. Damn it! Why didnt I take into account the effect this movie had on small dogs? What was I thinking?

    Conan is a FAR superior film, of course. :D

  2. 3 WL
    September 2, 2012 at 11:07 am

    boxing? you should check out sum Ippo, yo.

  3. September 2, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I gotta side with Fogs on this one. I did enjoy this review quite a bit though.

  4. 8 Rekcuf Gup
    September 2, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    What should I feed my pug other than butt pills, cigeratte ashes and beer?

  5. 10 U-10
    September 18, 2012 at 1:09 am

    I think I found the perfect article/site for you, since you hate “film-fags” so much:

    http://insomnia.ac/commentary/on_the_genealogy_of_art_games/
    http://culture.vg/

    Written/run by Alex “icycalm” Kierkegaard, who has a firm grasp on philosophy; especially that of the late Friedrich Nietzsche.

  6. 13 U-10
    September 18, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Here, maybe these will help better:

    http://insomnia.ac/commentary/for_artfags_only/
    http://insomnia.ac/commentary/massage_my_ass/
    http://insomnia.ac/commentary/are_u_an_artfag/

    Read any one of these articles. Do you see any parallels between the “artfags” that icycalm raves on about, and the “film-fags” that YOU rave on about?

    • September 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

      I don’t know if I see a lot of parallels. To me, “filmfags” is really a term of endearment. I love those guys, I really do. It’s just that they spout a bunch of nonsense about how movies are some amazing artform, and when they do they come off as absurd and pretentious. But I like them.

  7. 15 Fuckyou
    November 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    well the person who writes this blog knows how to attract people like me onto this page.

    worthless cunt whose blog relies on ‘shit’ movies and the ‘cinephiles’ who love them.

    you don’t like raging bull, i fucking get it. didnt need to read 98% with some fucking dog which you clearly went to some sort of effort to get into position.

    and before you assume im sort of raging bull cheerleader i havent said anything of my thoughts in this comment about the movie. your blog, and the worthless wankers who comment approvingly actively seek to criticize anything and everythin and they are the worst sort of people.

    • November 28, 2012 at 8:21 am

      I agree that we definitely are the worst sort of people. When you compare the readers of this blog to child molesters, terrorists, and Republicans, we rank far lower than any of them.

      If you had bothered to read this post, which you clearly didn’t, you would notice that all of these dogs are different. You can easily find these pictures on the Internet with minimal effort.

      The fact that this particular post got you mad is hilarious considering it is easily one of the least offensive things I have ever written. If you got this offended by seeing pictures of dogs in a review of a movie you like, well, I hope no one ever insults you in real life, as you will probably end up killing yourself.

      As a parting comment, you mentioned I know “how to attract people like me onto this page” and “the worthless wankers who… criticize anything and everythin [sic] and they are the worst” — well, that would include you then wouldn’t it?

      Have a super day.

  8. 17 Sugar Ray Robinson
    July 19, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    Not a fan of Conan the Overlong, Nonsensical, Shittily Produced and Directed, and Ultimately So Very Disappointing, Considering That Arnold Schwarzenegger Versus James Earl Jones Should Have Been the Cinematic Equivalent of Galaxies Colliding. And I don’t hate Enraging Bullshit as much as you do.

    But I’ll say this: the only Scorsese movie worth watching more than twice is GoodFellas. Largely because it doesn’t feature Robert De Niro front-and-center. Christ, how I hate that one-trick ponyfucker. One of the main reasons Raging Hemorrhoids blows is because ever since, De Zero has been playing Jake LaMotta over and over and over and over and over and over and over . . . .

  9. February 26, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Another slow moving film, definitely takes some work to “get into it,” so to speak. As an unnecessary aside, the producers of my feature film actually made Raging Bull II, but for legal reasons it was changed to The Bronx Bull. I even have a crew t-shirt for this film, given as a gift. The reason for that aside is because one of my friends worked on this film, and he told me, “I really need to see Raging Bull before I work on the sequel!” I said ok, we can rent it, and I’ll show it to you. He spent the entire movie saying, “This is the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen. Holy crap this movie SUCKS!” I laughed and I was like, “It’s a classic!” I was being ironic. He looked at me, “Are you serious? This is a fucking pile of ass!” As it kept dragging on and on, I started realizing, huh, this is really not as good of a film as I remembered. I mean it’s unbelievably slow. It may have a great performance by De Niro but it’s borderline unwatchable by today’s standards. It kind of does seem like a conspiracy sometimes when we have to hear about how GREAT some movie is and I’m like are you kidding me? You actually would say — with a straight face — that this movie is better than Transformers? I always use Transformers as an example for everything because it’s blatantly offensive to critics, since anything based on a toy property and directed by Michael Bay is basically to critics what holy water is to vampires. I just think it’s funny, though, because as much as I wouldn’t say Transformers is an example of great art, the fact remains it IS a better movie (i.e. it IS more entertaining and fun to watch) than a large section of “classic films” or even modern “indie masterpieces.” I don’t care how many Oscars The English Patient won, if you asked 100 people which is a more enjoyable film, Transformers would be chosen about 99 times. We all know it, it’s just not “cool” to trash classic films because they are automatically great, apparently. It’s like the Mona Lisa. Everyone has seen it. Everyone knows it’s thoroughly mediocre and completely unremarkable. Most of us painted something with more originality in 3rd grade art class, but we all still have to say, “Ah, yes, yes, the Mona Lisa, yes, what a masterpiece, the greatest piece of art ever,” then in everyone’s mind they’re thinking, “Crap, am I the only person who lies about this to everyone? I mean, everyone else really likes this? I’ll keep pretending I like it, too, so i don’t sound stupid.” I don’t care about sounding stupid — I am a smart guy — I would rather say it how it is. If something is crappy, it’s crappy, it doesn’t matter whether it won 10 Oscars or whether it makes every list of great films, that doesn’t change the crappiness of it.


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