Iron Sky

They even have to “heil” on the moon.

Iron Sky is one of those movies that has a great concept and absolutely horrible execution. The plot is about a group of Nazis who escaped Earth in 1945 and colonized the dark side of the moon. They’ve been spending years building their space armada with plans to eventually return as a conquering force. It has all the trappings of what could be a cheesy yet brilliant sci-fi parody film. Iron Sky certainly gets the cheesy part right, but it fails everywhere else.
There are loads of problems with this movie. The writing, the acting (or perhaps over-acting), the directing, pretty much everything except the CGI was horrendous. The CGI surprisingly looked pretty good. That’s the only thing Iron Sky has going for it. And that certainly isn’t worth the price of admission. FYI, the price of admission is free on Netflix, but it’s still not worth it.

The “white face” makeup is totally convincing.

The story follows a black male model (who is too ugly to pass as a model) who gets sent to the moon as a publicity stunt to help Sarah Palin’s presidential re-election campaign. Of course, he’s an absolute idiot, he acts like a buffoon, and it’s impossible to believe that this guy and one other astronaut could have successfully landed on the moon. Within moments, he’s captured by the Space Nazis, and the villains realize they can use his iPhone to power their ultimate weapon, a giant UFO. A female Space Nazi with a heart of gold (I can’t believe I just typed that) decides to help him escape, and she later learns that she’s been duped by Nazi propaganda. The rest of the movie features the Space Nazis returning to Earth, turning the black guy white, helping Sarah Palin’s political campaign, and eventually fighting a giant space battle against all the major world powers.
With that plot, the movie could have been good given proper jokes and a massive dosing of satire. The jokes, however, fall flat. They are mostly crass fart jokes, racial epithets, unnecessary screaming, and the saddest Downfall “Hitler Speech” parody I’ve ever seen. There really aren’t any jokes, now that I think about it. The actors play everything super hammy and hope that will make the movie funny. It doesn’t, it just makes it annoying.

The main actress is cute, that’s got to count for something, right?

The Sarah Palin impersonation is terrible. The woman barely looks like her, and she speaks with a Southern drawl. Palin, being from Alaska, sounds nothing like that. Could the actress playing her not have spent at least two minutes researching the person she was making a farce of? Apparently not. I think porn star Lisa Ann did a better Palin impersonation. They should have gotten her for this movie instead.
There are a lot of other logical problems, such as a beautiful 30-something half-asian woman playing Palin’s campaign manager and Space Nazi love interest. She later gets promoted to being in charge of the U.S. space fleet for inexplicable reasons. The actress playing her couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper bag.

She looks how I feel about this movie.

The other ridiculous part is the forced love subplot between the black guy and main female Space Nazi. They fall in love at the end of the film. Of course, they spend hardly any time together, the actors have no chemistry, and they have nothing in common. It was a complete waste of time, and forced in just because the filmmakers thought it was a good idea. I can’t imagine why.
I could go on and on about how much this movie blows, but I think I’ll wrap it up here. Now, I’m a fan of cheesy movies, and I love so-bad-it’s-good movies like Troll 2. But Iron Sky doesn’t fall into either of those categories. It’s just bad. There’s nothing good, enjoyable, or redeeming about it. Avoid at all costs.
Verdict: Shitty

10 Responses to “Iron Sky”

  1. 1 lokifire
    February 15, 2014 at 9:34 am

    Oh, poo. I’d been looking forward to this one, too. Sadness!

  2. February 15, 2014 at 9:52 am

    It seems to be trying too hard to be silly. You make it sound like a Uwe Boll film!

  3. February 15, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    ‘Great concept and horrible execution’… I couldn’t have put it better myself. A shame because I had looked forward to this one, hoping it’d be so bad it was good.

    • February 15, 2014 at 9:55 pm

      Me, too. Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be. I really wish they would have spent more time on the screenplay than on the CGI. Cheesy CGI would have enhanced the movie if it had had a great satirical screenplay.

  4. 8 Paragraph Film Reviews
    February 16, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Awww man, enjoyed reading you put your boot in to that big-time, but I’ll be sticking up for this one. For me there were so many sweet details, throwaway lines and background LOLz that it kept me smiling for the duration. There are parts they should have made more of (like the two 1940s Nazi’s and “white chicks” guy roaming New York) but hand on heart this is more entertaining – at least to me – than most of the B-movies / SyFy / Straight-to-dvd stuff I get to see!

  5. February 19, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Heh heh, I cannot believe you watched thi- wait…. um, yes I can. This looked bad from the get-go, and there’s no way in hell I’ll be stepping anywhere near it. Sharknado put me off these movies for life.

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