04
Oct
14

It’s Pilot Season – 2014

The Fall 2014 television season is upon us. And that means we’re inundated with the worst the networks have to offer. Each year brings us new series; a few will be great, but most will be unwatchable trash. There’s far too many horrible series out there for me to review them all. So, I’ve decided to watch the three pilots that had the most promotional advertising of this season and review them. Please note, my reviews are not necessarily what I think of the entire series, but simply my thoughts on the pilot episode.

Gotham

Holy shit on a stick, Batman! Gotham is Fox’s attempt at cashing in on the tiresome superhero craze that plagues the world. Last year, I complained that doing an Avengers show without the Avengers was an idiotic idea. Gotham is more of the same, as it is a Batman show without Batman. It’s a prequel to the adventures of the caped crusader. And, guess what? It sucks. Nobody gives a fuck about the origins of all these villains. What’s the point? None of them are ever going to die, because they wouldn’t live to face the dark knight. So, there is no tension whatsoever. This is combined with a cheap series of sets that look like they came from the 90s, plus an entire backdrop of CGI just for an extra layer of shit. The writers are trying to make this into long-form series by positing the idea that Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed in a conspiracy, rather than a random mugging. I think they are going to be stretching a thin idea too far. There is no way they can keep this going for multiple seasons and make it good. Not that the first episode was good either. It was a huge hunk of gouda, a slice of the stinkiest cheese imaginable. Everyone chews scenery, bringing in over the top performances which also belong in the 90s. 

Verdict: Shitty

The Mysteries of Laura

Fuck me, I can’t believe I watched this piece of shit. It’s a dramedy about a divorced female cop living in New York City (remember, the only two interesting cities in the United States are New York and Los Angeles) trying to catch bad guys and raise her children at the same time. The show would be better off deciding between drama and comedy, because it fails at doing both rather miserably. Most of the jokes don’t land, the cutesy children come across as sociopaths from hell, and the will-they, won’t-they shit of whether or not she and her ex will get back together is tiresome. The police aspect is just as retarded. She solves cases with intuition rather than evidence. And the last thing we need on TV is yet another generic police procedural. Laura is supposed to be an endearing every-woman, but she comes across as exhausting and annoying instead.

Verdict: Shitty

Red Band Society

This show tries to capitalize on the “sick kid romance” genre popularized recently by The Fault in Our Stars. And just like that wretched movie, Red Band Society is an abomination, and an absolute joke in terms of portraying medical issues in a real sense. Mistake #1: children don’t live in hospitals like they were boarding schools. Mistake #2: hospitals do not have schools inside them. Mistake #3: no hospital would put a male and female patient in the same room. Mistake #4: differently diagnosed patients end up on their respective wards, they don’t all get crammed together in the same place. Mistake #5: a girl with an eating disorder wouldn’t be treated in a hospital on a long-term basis; in fact, none of those people would stay in a hospital long-term, especially not the guy who is a hypochondriac. Mistake #6: no doctor anywhere would agree to surgically remove a minor’s leg without parents, a guardian, insurance, or basic medical testing. Mistake #7: no nurse anywhere would throw away freshly baked muffins; I have never seen a nurse throw away any food of any kind. Basically, this is a groaner of a show. It’s supposed to be charming, but it’s not, it’s moronic. You realize that in the first minutes when the narrator reveals himself to be a comatose boy, who apparently is omniscient despite being a vegetable. He can even enter peoples’ dreams, how amazing! It tries to humanize the horrors of terrifying medical illnesses, but it doesn’t have relatable or interesting characters. When you don’t give a shit about any of them, it’s impossible to hang onto anything.

Verdict: Shitty

Check out last year’s entry: It’s Pilot Season – 2013

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14 Responses to “It’s Pilot Season – 2014”


  1. October 6, 2014 at 12:54 am

    Only watched Gotham out of these and gave it two episodes before giving in to the shitty-ness. Network TV is failing massively, it feels.

  2. October 6, 2014 at 7:16 am

    I saw a bit of Gotham and it just looked too over the top. It’s basically the superhero version of Once Upon A Time which is also incredibly corny. None of these seemed worth watching despite all the promotion. Also, Scorpion on CBS looks terrible. I might try a few of the new comedies out but there’s way too much quality shows that I haven’t started to try to pick up one of these crappy new ones.

  3. 6 lokifire
    October 6, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Aw, man, Brik, everything DOES suck this season. This is terrible. High hopes for midseason replacements?

  4. 9 downsyndromextreme@aol.com
    October 7, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    lol those posters are awful
    little black power on the last one

  5. 11 scotvalkyrie
    October 16, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Toss Gracepoint in here and then we will have full proof that the networks are trying to kill us with stupidity.


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