31
Oct
15

World War CGI

I finally got around to watching scruffy, long-haired Brad Pitt fighting zombies in World War Z. It’s as derivative as zombie movies can get. It’s kind of like a vampire movie in that respect, there’s only so many things you can do with the concept. At the end of the day, all these movies follow the same basic formula: zombies attack, people escape, zombies eat people, people kill zombies, etc. So, it might be a little unfair to be super hard on World War Z for being formulaic in a genre that is mired in formula. But you know what? Fuck it, I don’t care. This movie sucks a smelly turd.
There are a few things I learned from World War Z, first and foremost being, you absolutely do not want Brad Pitt anywhere near you if you want to survive a zombie attack. There are five major zombie attack sequences in the film, and all of them are Brad Pitt’s fault.

  1. Pitt and his family are in Philadelphia. Everything is serene. Once they go into the city proper, the zombie apocalypse is unleashed.
  2. Pitt goes to South Korea, where the military is holding off a zombie attack. Once he arrives, the zombies overrun the military.
  3. Pitt goes to Isreal, which is the only safe country in the world. Once he arrives, the zombies climb over the protective wall and go on a killing spree.
  4. Pitt boards a plane, escaping the zombies in Israel. Everything is calm and peaceful. But out of nowhere, zombies appear and eat everyone, requiring Pitt to blow up the plane.
  5. Pitt goes to a World Health Organization research facility in Wales, which has sealed away the zombies. Pitt decides to go into the zombie horde, putting everyone at risk.
As you can see, Pitt is totally bad luck. Everywhere he goes, the zombies follow him. Even the country of Israel, which had erected gigantic protective walls isn’t safe. Pitt’s dark cloud causes the zombies to pile over the wall and infest the country, only moments after he arrived. He’s the most unlucky guy on the planet. He must have walked under a ladder, broken a mirror, and had a black cat cross his path all at the same time.
And forget about teaming up with Pitt. Don’t even think about it. Pretty much everyone he meets is doomed. In Philadelphia, his family briefly finds refuge in an apartment with a Hispanic family. Minutes after Pitt leaves, the Hispanic family are eaten by zombies. In Korea, the military guys he teams up with are eaten by zombies. An Israeli soldier loses her arm thanks to Pitt. Pitt blows up and crashes an airplane killing everyone on board. You would be a lot safer running away on your own than teaming up with Pitt. He’s Captain Kirk and everyone around him is a Red Shirt.
Pitt isn’t very good at making decisions. Mostly, he flails around impotently while everyone around him dies. No matter what he decides to do, everything ends up in disaster. The Israeli soldier he was fighting with gets her arm bitten by a zombie. Pitt slices her arm off with a knife to stop the zombie infection. Um, yeah, OK, I’m pretty sure you can’t cut off someone’s arm with a single swipe of a knife, what with the bones and such. Last time I checked, knives weren’t lightsabers. His detonating a grenade in an airplane kills everyone on board except for him and the Isreali soldier. He killed the pilots who were uninfected, and he killed anyone else on board who might have also escaped the zombies. He doesn’t even care about others, only himself. What a selfish jerk.
The most annoying thing about World War Z is the CGI zombies. In close ups, they are real actors in makeup, which is always a good decision. However, in wider shots, the zombies are all CGI. You can tell they’re CGI because they look so obviously fake. The zombies run around, contort, crash into things, and spasm in unnatural ways. Real actors couldn’t do this, so they resorted to CGI. They should have trashed the idea of making the zombies do unnatural things, and just let real actors do the best they could. It wouldn’t have looked so goddamn fake. The other thing the zombies do is form huge piles with their own bodies, climbing higher and higher, in order to scale massive structures. Again, it looked completely fake and stupid.
The zombies run really, really fast. They run much faster than any person could, so all the running zombies are relegated to CGI. The first movie I remember seeing that had fast zombies was 28 Days Later. That was pretty scary, because you didn’t expect zombies to run at you. You expected them to amble slowly, allowing you plenty of time to escape. Since then, all zombies run, and they run faster and faster. They hurtle through the air in World War Z. The only next logical move for Hollywood is to have zombies who fly. I’m calling it now. The next big zombie movie will have flying zombies.
Eventually, Pitt finds the cure for the zombie attacks, and he saves the world. He’s able to go to a safe zone where he can see his bratty children and spoon-faced wife. They should have just put Angelina Jolie and their real kids in the film. It would have been more believable. There’s no way a guy as handsome as Pitt, in any reality, would be slumming it with the trolls they cast as his family.
Verdict: Shitty
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9 Responses to “World War CGI”


  1. November 1, 2015 at 2:31 am

    Flying zombies? Fuck it, I’m out.

    I agree with your points here, but I think I was a lot more tolerant of the shittiness of this movie.

  2. November 1, 2015 at 6:33 am

    Oh Lordy, flying zombies? When it happens, we’ll know where the idea came from.

  3. 5 Themaster20000
    November 4, 2015 at 9:23 am

    Yeah,I didn’t bother with this one. It just seemed like a heavy CGI-fest,along with being a zombie movie,which has just been done to death. Hell, the genre peaked back then with Return of the Living Dead,which was the first to have fast zombies.

  4. November 15, 2015 at 6:22 am

    I remember watching this film. I can’t remember a fucking thing of what happened in the film apart from Brad Pitt and the stupid zombies. Do not get why this film was a “surprise hit” in the box office.

  5. November 22, 2015 at 7:45 pm

    It’s one of those movies I have no idea why I watched. I’m really not into zombies. I mean I’m fine with them now and then, I loved 28 days after and quite enjoyed Zombieland, but I can’t see what’s the need for so many zombie flicks. Zombie is probably the most inflexible creature ever to grant movie screens. You can do something interesting with vampires, ghosts, and other shit if you want to, but zombies are quite a challenge. One that movie makers apparently don’t want to take. I mean right now even going back to actual folklore would be refreshing – spare us the rationalizing approach already, it might have been interesting to take zombies out of fantasy domain and explain their existence as caused by a virus some time ago, but now I would actually pay money to see zombies who are created by voodoo black magic, I mean that would put some actual villain in the story at least.

    • November 23, 2015 at 7:40 am

      I like your idea about having an actual villain. That would make for a much more interesting zombie movie. That’s something they pretty much all lack. That is sort of the point of zombies, I suppose, that they could be anyone, but horror movies need villains to be interesting.


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