Archive for January, 2017

28
Jan
17

The Mist, Trainwreck

The Mist

A 2007 adaptation of a Stephen King novel directed by Frank Darabont seems like a recipe for success. After all, the two of them made fan-favorite The Shawshank Redemption. Sadly, though, this movie was a misfire for everyone involved. It takes places in a sleepy Maine town that gets overrun by a mysterious mist. What’s in the mist? Giant bugs and tentacle monsters (*facepalm*). The characters crowd inside a supermarket while they try to wait out the pending apocalypse, but the group loses cohesion and the fight to stay alive becomes exponentially harder.

There are all kinds of problems with this movie. Foremost is the absurd length. It’s over two hours long, and for what essentially boils down to a monsters-killing-everyone flick, that’s about thirty minutes longer than it needs to be. The pacing of the scenes between the monsters is laborious, and the film drags most of the time. And when the monsters come out, the incredibly dated CGI makes them more hilarious than frightening.

None of the characters are remotely interesting, and there is nothing for the audience to latch onto. The only good thing about this movie was the ballsy, super-dark ending. I hadn’t expecting something so bleak, and it definitely worked. But watching the dreck that came before didn’t make it worthwhile.

Verdict: Shitty

Trainwreck

Trainwreck falls squarely into the “check out the socially-inept, rude, funny, fat chick” genre of comedy films. Written and starring Amy Schumer, Trainwreck fails to bring anything new to the table, and instead recycles the same clichéd relationship jokes that have been done a million times over. None of the characters are relatable, from the unbelievably oversexed Schumer to the as-exciting-as-paint-drying Bill Hader. There is a bizarre subplot with Schumer’s father, played by a young Colin Quinn, suddenly getting dementia, being put in a home, and dying. It is strange because he acts normal, is way too young to have dementia, let alone be her father, and it adds nothing of value to the story. In the end, Schumer and Hader’s characters break up, and they get back together without an apology or any growth on the part of Schumer’s deplorable character. I admit I laughed at some of the jokes, and, most surprising of all, LeBron James was the highlight of the film. Overall, though, it’s not worth it.

Verdict: Bad

21
Jan
17

Rogue One: A BrikHaus Review

Another year, and another Hollywood attempt to cash in on peoples’ childhoods. This time, it comes (again) in the form of Star Wars. The last movie, The Force Awakens, turned out to be nothing more than a thinly veiled remake of the original. It was watchable in the same sense that McDonald’s is edible. You can eat it, and maybe even enjoy it in the moment, but later on you feel sick and full of regret. That means the odds were already stacked against Rogue One.

Rogue One is a prequel to the original trilogy. Star Wars prequels have an abysmal track record, but George Lucas didn’t have anything to do with this one. So, I went into it hopeful that, at the very least, it wouldn’t be a total clusterfuck. Thankfully, it wasn’t.

Continue reading ‘Rogue One: A BrikHaus Review’

18
Jan
17

Safety Nation Review Copies Available

Do you have a blog where you frequently/occasionally/rarely review books? Or maybe you review movies, but are interested in reviewing something different?

Are you interested in a free copy of Safety Nation?

Well, today is your lucky day. If you are a blogger, and are interested in reading my novel (and how could you not be?), send me an email at: brikhaus81 at gmail dot com. I will send you a free review copy of the ebook. Of course,  you need to have an actual, legitimate website for this to work.

All you need to do is read the book and publish a review of it to get the word out to your readers. Pretty sweet deal, right?

If you’re interested, let me know. For those of you who have already grabbed copies, I hope you are enjoying it!

12
Jan
17

Safety Nation is Now Available

Today’s the day, my first novel, Safety Nation, is available for purchase! I hope you have enjoyed getting to read the first 100 pages, because now you have to buy the book to read the rest.

Here’s how you can buy it. For the first 90 days, Safety Nation will be available exclusively on Amazon. You can buy the ebook or the paperback. Once the 90-day exclusivity period is over, the ebook will be available from all the other major retailers. The paperback will always be exclusive through Amazon.

Of course, the ebook is cheaper, but let me take a minute to convince you to buy the paperback. Why? Because it’s fucking gorgeous, that’s why. It’s sturdy, professionally bound, and has a velvety matte finish. And let’s not forget how amazing the cover art it. I’m getting horny just thinking about it. The paperback also lets you see my chosen fonts, which isn’t possible on the Kindle format. With that, you just get whatever fonts come pre-loaded on the e-reader. Besides, in today’s digital world, isn’t it nice to hold an actual book in your hands?

If you’re worried about the price, don’t be. I only take home, like, 20% of the price, with the rest going back for production costs and Amazon’s cut. At the end of the day, I’m not making a killing off this thing. I just want you to read the best possible version of it.

If you still don’t believe me, have a look and see how well the book turned out.

You can get either the ebook or the paperback, it doesn’t really matter to me. Just as long as you read it!

Click here to purchase it.

Thanks, everyone, who helped make this book possible.

07
Jan
17

Safety Nation Chapter 11

There are only three more days until Safety Nation is published! Until then, enjoy one more chapter!

In case you have missed the chapters so far, here are links to them:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Announcement/Blurb

Cover Art

As always, the chapter below, and entire novel, are copyrighted.

— — —

Safety Nation by Logan Riley

11

I sipped my coffee, wishing it was hotter.

All of Healthcare Detail had swarmed onto Hospital Twelve. The facility was one of the major downtown healthcare centers. It was a gigantic building that served hundreds of patients a day.

Atwood walked at a brisk pace. The other agents hurried to keep up with her. I walked at my regular pace. I couldn’t run because I would spill my coffee.

I was so tired from last night’s investigation that I bought a cup of coffee from a Central Office vending machine. It tasted a month old and was lukewarm. Even so, I drank the sludge, eager for the caffeine to hit my brain.

At Healthcare Detail, Atwood pointed to the electronic map which displayed blueprints of Hospital Twelve. The map blinked and was replaced with the names and faces of three physicians. Atwood told us they were violating safety regulations and had to be arrested immediately. She assigned us each to a group of four. My team consisted of Zamyatan, Lowry, and Atwood herself.

Before the briefing adjourned, Atwood said, “This is a huge case, everyone. Career defining. Don’t screw this up for me.”

The other agents nodded in the affirmative. The bevy of people broke up and departed for the parking garage. My team piled into Zamyatan’s car. Zamyatan took the driver’s seat, Atwood the front passenger’s seat, and Lowry and I were consigned to the back.

“Nice to see you again,” I said to Lowry.

“Thanks,” she said, looking slightly ill.

The Auto-Driver engaged and the vehicle took off. Atwood craned around and looked at me, stone-faced. “Don’t get any ideas, Inspector Smith. I only put you with us so I could keep an eye on you. I don’t want you ruining this.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Continue reading ‘Safety Nation Chapter 11’

01
Jan
17

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2016

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2016. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

Awesome

  1. Safety Nation My book! OK, well, technically, it’s not being released until January 2017 (later this month), but it was completed in 2016, as was the cover art, and the big ramp up for promotion was done then, too. Besides, I needed something else good to keep this list from being too unbalanced.
  2. Chicago Cubs Win the World Series – I’m not a huge baseball fan, and I’m not a Cubs fan at all. But I’m happy that the long-suffering fans of the team could finally have a moment of glory. Going over 100 years without winning a title is a very long time, longer than any of the fans have been alive. So, this win, for them, was legendary. Even a curmudgeon like me can appreciate that.
  3. Deadpool, Stranger Things, and Arrival Hollywood can be a strange place. It will regurgitate shitty reboots and remakes, and at the same time produce incredible original content. The three examples I listed above were the standouts for me this year. Deadpool was crass and hilarious, and took many shots at Hollywood’s coveted superhero franchises. Stranger Things was an X-Files/Goonies mash-up on Netflix that kept me glued to the edge of my seat. Arrival was a cerebral alien/linguistics movie that has no right being made by mainstream Hollywood, yet it was, and it was incredible. Despite the constant dumps Hollywood takes on us all year long, it is still capable of producing great content.

Shitty

  1. Donald Trump – I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The U.S. elected a demagogue; a fascist, racist, misogynist moron with no political experience to the highest office in the land. What’s worse, he’s already flip-flopped on all of his campaign promises, and stacked his cabinet with people who are poised to make the entire country come crashing down. Why else would he appoint a climate change denier the head of the EPA, or someone who wants to abolish the Department of Education as the head of said department? He’s got baby-sized hands and a Twitter addiction, so he seems like presidential material, right?
  2. Brexit – I’m not up on all my European politics, but even I know this was a total disaster. The British equivalents of the U.S. citizens who voted for Trump supported this measure. By leaving the EU, Britain can single-handedly tank the entire European economy. What is it with old fucks trying to take everyone down with them, with one final regressive vote before they all die and leave us in the shitter?
  3. Harambe – They executed a gorilla for being a gorilla.
  4. Zika Virus – Oh, great, a super virus spread by the common mosquito that attacks fetuses. And said fetuses are born with tiny heads so that they can’t develop normal brains. And, to make matters worse, no politicians can seem to be bothered to spend any money trying to protect us from it. Why should they? The tax money needs to go to something more useful, like redistricting, voter suppression, defunding Planned Parenthood, and other admirable endeavors.
  5. Fake News – Fake news was everywhere this year. It’s always been a thing, I mean, haven’t you ever heard of Fox News? But this year it went out of control. Virtually every article posted to Facebook by your dumbass relatives was fake or largely fake. Sometimes, they would take something true and spin it so hard it no longer resembled the original story. All this did was further cement a Republican victory in the U.S. After all, poorly educated people love to vote against their own interests, and who better to target with fake news than those who have the critical thinking skills of ten year-olds?
  6. More Terrorism – It seems like there are more and more mass shootings, stabbings, and suicide bombings. Every time you turn on the damn news, there it is. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to end. But, hey, Donald Trump has a fool-proof plan to defeat ISIS. He hasn’t told anyone yet. But he’s going to be the President now, so come on Drumpf, what’s the plan? Oh, that’s right, you never had one, did you, you fucking windbag?
  7. Celebrity Apocalypse – A lot of our favorite celebrities died this year. Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Garry Shandling, Merle Haggard, Doris Roberts, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Anton Yelchin, Gene Wilder, Alan Thicke, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, and a hell of a lot more. I couldn’t even list them all. It’s hard to believe that any celebrities would make it out of 2016 alive. Then again, if 2016 wanted to take out Drumpf as a final farewell, I wouldn’t be sad.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2017 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

 




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