Archive for the 'Random' Category

01
Jan
18

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2017

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2017. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

*sorry about the low quality of my “awesome” graphic, Photobucket is now locking me out of my own images, and this is the best I could do*

Awesome:

  1. The #MeToo Movement – Hollywood has been rocked by allegations of sexual harassment. The perpetrators are taking falls. And it’s been happening elsewhere too, like in Congress. This is a great thing. People need to keep their cocks in their pants. It is not difficult. And if you can’t abide by the rules of society, then you deserve what you get.
  2. Doug Jones Defeats Roy Moore – A guy who has prosecuted the KKK defeated a child molester in an Alabama senate race. This should not have even made headlines except for the facts that Donald Trump supported the child molester (no surprise), and that Moore almost won. Apparently, in Alabama, the only thing worse than a child molester is a democrat. At least enough people showed up to the polls to vote for someone who isn’t a despicable piece of shit.
  3. Nintendo Switch – Nintendo’s newest system is both a console and a portable. Plus, their new games like Breath of the Wild and Mario Odyssey have been critically acclaimed. It looks like Nintendo has gotten their mojo back, and we should have lots of great games in store for us soon.
  4. Florida Man Beats Up ATM – This guy got overpaid by an ATM. It pissed him off so much, he punched the ATM. He got arrested for property damage, but still, you have to hand it to him. He doesn’t take any crap from the machines. When Skynet rises to destroy humanity, this guy is going to be our John Connor. Although why someone would be mad about getting extra money is a mystery…
  5. Elon Musk Going to Mars – Well, at the very least he’s sending his Tesla roadster to Mars. That’s cool, right? Maybe someday he can help make space travel a reality. I can “get my ass to Mars” a la Schwarzenegger in Total Recall, and have sex with hot three-boobed alien babes.

Shitty:

  1. Everything Donald Trump – The greasy Cheeto who wormed his way into the highest office in the U.S. despite having no political or military experience, or even a functioning brain is probably the worst thing to happen to the world this decade. Historians will someday write volumes about how much this dipshit set world progress back. Here is the briefest of lists of terrible things this shit-gargler did this year: lying to the American public about the number of people at his inauguration, firing FBI director James Comey, attempting to obstruct justice in the Russian investigation, passing tax cuts for the super rich because they aren’t already doing well enough, saying that white supremacists are “very fine people,” instituting the unconstitutional muslim travel ban, trying to roll back everything the Obama administration did “just because,” backing out of the Paris climate accord, shrinking the size of national parks to allow for oil drilling, and supporting child molester Roy Moore for a U.S. Senate seat. I could go on, but you get the idea.
  2. United Airlines dragging passenger off plane – Seriously, how terrible is UA anyway? Dragging dude off of planes due to their own fuckup? It was beyond reprehensible. At least that guy got a windfall from those douchebags in a legal settlement. This just proves the airlines are run by corrupt assholes (like most corporations), and they are the worst way to travel.
  3. Las Vegas massacre – It was the worst mass shooting in modern-day American. The saddest part was that it has become so commonplace that we barely even blink anymore. And the worst part is Republicans saying that it still isn’t time to talk about gun control. Apparently, “never” will be the right time for them. The only way they would want to talk about gun control is if Trump suddenly decided it was a good idea, and they’ve got their heads so far up his ass they would have no choice but to agree.
  4. Hurricane season – Hurricanes decimated people, cities, and entire countries this year. I don’t have much to say about this other than these were terrible tragedies, and if there’s any way you can help (i.e. through donations or volunteering), then give it a whirl. A lot of people need our help.
  5. Death of Net Neutrality – I guess Awesomely Shitty won’t have to worry about traffic slowdowns since no one actually reads this site, but a lot of big ones like Netflix are in trouble. Anytime you try to monetize a utility, it turns out horribly. I’m sure losing Net Neutrality will nothing but fill coffers of rich assholes, and piss off everyone else. Never mind that the FCC is now being run by a huge tool, who got paid off by the big companies to kill Net Neutrality. Ugh, what a fucking joke.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2018 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

Advertisements
01
Jan
17

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2016

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2016. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

Awesome

  1. Safety Nation My book! OK, well, technically, it’s not being released until January 2017 (later this month), but it was completed in 2016, as was the cover art, and the big ramp up for promotion was done then, too. Besides, I needed something else good to keep this list from being too unbalanced.
  2. Chicago Cubs Win the World Series – I’m not a huge baseball fan, and I’m not a Cubs fan at all. But I’m happy that the long-suffering fans of the team could finally have a moment of glory. Going over 100 years without winning a title is a very long time, longer than any of the fans have been alive. So, this win, for them, was legendary. Even a curmudgeon like me can appreciate that.
  3. Deadpool, Stranger Things, and Arrival Hollywood can be a strange place. It will regurgitate shitty reboots and remakes, and at the same time produce incredible original content. The three examples I listed above were the standouts for me this year. Deadpool was crass and hilarious, and took many shots at Hollywood’s coveted superhero franchises. Stranger Things was an X-Files/Goonies mash-up on Netflix that kept me glued to the edge of my seat. Arrival was a cerebral alien/linguistics movie that has no right being made by mainstream Hollywood, yet it was, and it was incredible. Despite the constant dumps Hollywood takes on us all year long, it is still capable of producing great content.

Shitty

  1. Donald Trump – I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The U.S. elected a demagogue; a fascist, racist, misogynist moron with no political experience to the highest office in the land. What’s worse, he’s already flip-flopped on all of his campaign promises, and stacked his cabinet with people who are poised to make the entire country come crashing down. Why else would he appoint a climate change denier the head of the EPA, or someone who wants to abolish the Department of Education as the head of said department? He’s got baby-sized hands and a Twitter addiction, so he seems like presidential material, right?
  2. Brexit – I’m not up on all my European politics, but even I know this was a total disaster. The British equivalents of the U.S. citizens who voted for Trump supported this measure. By leaving the EU, Britain can single-handedly tank the entire European economy. What is it with old fucks trying to take everyone down with them, with one final regressive vote before they all die and leave us in the shitter?
  3. Harambe – They executed a gorilla for being a gorilla.
  4. Zika Virus – Oh, great, a super virus spread by the common mosquito that attacks fetuses. And said fetuses are born with tiny heads so that they can’t develop normal brains. And, to make matters worse, no politicians can seem to be bothered to spend any money trying to protect us from it. Why should they? The tax money needs to go to something more useful, like redistricting, voter suppression, defunding Planned Parenthood, and other admirable endeavors.
  5. Fake News – Fake news was everywhere this year. It’s always been a thing, I mean, haven’t you ever heard of Fox News? But this year it went out of control. Virtually every article posted to Facebook by your dumbass relatives was fake or largely fake. Sometimes, they would take something true and spin it so hard it no longer resembled the original story. All this did was further cement a Republican victory in the U.S. After all, poorly educated people love to vote against their own interests, and who better to target with fake news than those who have the critical thinking skills of ten year-olds?
  6. More Terrorism – It seems like there are more and more mass shootings, stabbings, and suicide bombings. Every time you turn on the damn news, there it is. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to end. But, hey, Donald Trump has a fool-proof plan to defeat ISIS. He hasn’t told anyone yet. But he’s going to be the President now, so come on Drumpf, what’s the plan? Oh, that’s right, you never had one, did you, you fucking windbag?
  7. Celebrity Apocalypse – A lot of our favorite celebrities died this year. Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Garry Shandling, Merle Haggard, Doris Roberts, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Anton Yelchin, Gene Wilder, Alan Thicke, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, and a hell of a lot more. I couldn’t even list them all. It’s hard to believe that any celebrities would make it out of 2016 alive. Then again, if 2016 wanted to take out Drumpf as a final farewell, I wouldn’t be sad.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2017 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

 

01
Jan
16

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2015

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2015. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

Awesome

  1. Gay Marriage Legal in the U.S. – Finally, the U.S. gets with the program and allows all its citizens to marry. It’s been a long time coming. The religious nutjobs in this country wail and moan that this somehow infringes upon their rights to practice their religion or something. I know, it makes no sense. But now we can more easily ignore these assholes, and live it up at our fabulous gay friends’ weddings.
  2. Water on Mars – We’re one step closer to landing on the red planet now. A colony will come next. And then, we’ll all be living out our Total Recall fantasies. It’ll be awesome. Three-boobed aliens for everyone! Oh wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yes, this is a great step forward in space exploration.
  3. Martin Shkreli Indicted for Fraud – This little fucker thought he was a genius by taking a cheap drug and jacking up the price 5,000%. He immediately earned the ire of pretty much everyone in the world. And now, he’s been charged with fraud and arrested. Not for the price hike, mind you, but something else entirely. Hey, at least there’s some justice in the world. I hope he gets sent to a federal pound-you-in-the-ass-penitentiary, but he’ll probably wind up in a resort.
  4. Climate Change Conference – For the first time ever, a group of nations got together to create legislation to help save the planet from ourselves. While it’s unclear if the proposals will do any real good, it’s better than continuing to stick our heads in the sand and pretend their isn’t a problem. Now that we are taking this first step forward, hopefully we will be on the road to cleaning up the mess we’ve made of the world. I don’t want to be living in Kevin Costner’s Waterworld, do you?
  5. 250 People Pay it Forward at McDonald’s – One day in Florida, a woman decided to pay for the meal of the customer in the drive-through behind her. That caused a chain reaction in which 250 consecutive people “paid it forward.” Sometimes, in this cruel, shitty world in which we live, it’s hard to remember that we can be good to one another. At least some people remember.

Shitty

  1. Terrorist Attacks – It seems like you can’t turn on the damn TV without hearing about another terrorist attack somewhere in the world. France got hit twice garnering the most media coverage. But we can’t forget the Middle East where this sort of thing happens on a daily basis.
  2. Mass Shooting in the U.S. – a shooting at a church, a shooting at a holiday party, the shooting of TV reporters on the air, a shooting at an Oregon community college, a shooting at a Planned Parenthood, and probably several more. Yeah, the U.S. totally doesn’t have a gun problem. It’s not like we aren’t the only industrialized country in the world that doesn’t have this problem. Oh wait, we are? Nevermind. HURR DURR WE NEED DEM GUNS IN CASE WE NEED TO RISE UP AGAINST DE GUBMENT HURR DURR SECOND AMENDMENT PROTECTS ALL DE UTHERS HURR DURR.
  3. Refugee Crisis – The Arab Spring hasn’t turned out to be all that great in retrospect. In fact, it’s led to pretty much nothing but violence, terrorism, and civil wars. Syria’s refugee crisis has grown out of that, and has become a worldwide problem. People are deathly afraid to take in the refugees even though they are just regular people trying to get their families out of a horrible situation. If people would grow some balls and start helping these refugees, then maybe we could make the world a slightly better place. Still shitty, yes, but slightly better.
  4. U.S. Political Campaigns – I think I mention politics in every one of these posts. This year was no better. It seemed like the campaign for President began just as soon as Obama was re-elected. Republican doofuses started blasting us with fear mongering and divisive hate speech early this summer, and are only going to double-down as the next year gets underway. With perennial numbskull Donald Trump taking the lead, it’s a true race to the bottom. It seems like the dumber these guys act, the more support they get. Maybe I should move to Canada.
  5. Bill Cosby Charged with Aggravated Assault – The whole Cosby thing blew up last year, but he’s finally been charged. First of all, he hasn’t been convicted yet except for in the court of public opinion. Everyone assumes he’s guilty. He probably is, I realize that, but can’t the guy have a trial first? Second of all, I love The Cosby Show. And so do you. Everyone does. But now I’m suddenly supposed to never watch it again? It’s a brilliantly written show, and one of the greatest sitcoms of all time. Can’t people separate actors from their work? Are they that easily swayed? I guess so. If Cosby’s guilty, of course I want him prosecuted to the fullest extant, but until that day comes, I’m going to be watching reruns of The Cosby Show.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2016 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

01
Jan
15

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2014

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2014. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:
Awesome
  1. I Procreated – Yes, that’s right, I procreated. Mrs. Brik and I have welcomed Baby Brik into the world. We are now evolutionarily fit. She’s a happy, funny, cute bundle of joy with the most discerning taste in films you’ve ever seen in a six month old. Expect a post from her soon.
  2. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford – The crack smoking mayor of Toronto provided nothing but laughs this year. Whether it was being found drunk in public, running away from television cameras, or dancing in Canadian parliament, this guy was a parade of hilarity. I love the fact that he was an actual elected official. It’s a nice change from what we get in the U.S., the typical holier-than-thou, super-corrupt but pretending to be squeaky clean assholes. The fact that Rob Ford let it all hang out and didn’t seem to care was rather refreshing.
  3. The Cool Pope – The head of the Catholic Church still has a lot of dusty old beliefs about homosexuality, women’s participation in the church, or any number of things. However, this pope has been pretty progressive, as far as popes go. He acts more like a regular guy and less like a reclusive king than any pope in recent memory. He is cool with welcoming unwed mothers into the church, he called for homosexual to no longer be shunned, he’s all right with contraception as long as it prevents spread of disease, he’s anti-poverty, anti-death penalty, and is pro-environment. He even stated that it is completely possible for there to be alien life, and he’d gladly baptize an alien. Sounds great to me. He’s trying to bring the world’s most craggy, immovable institution into the modern era.
  4. China Anal Probes its Pigeons – As a part of China’s National Day celebration, they planned to release 10,000 pigeons over Tiananmen Square. Fearing a possible terrorist attack, each pigeon was inspected: under the wings, under the legs, and inside the anus. Now, if any terrorist has the capability to put high-grade explosives inside a pigeon’s butthole, he has an unparalleled dedication to his job. Also, I feel sorry for whomever had to stick their fingers inside 10,000 pigeon anuses. It seems like nothing good ever happens in Tienanmen Square.
  5. New Zealand Man Fights a Shark – A New Zealand man was spear fishing with his friends when he was attacked by a shark. Being a crazy New Zealander, and probably using an enchanted sword, he stabbed the shark until it fled. When he got out of the water, he saw his leg was lacerated, so he did what anyone would do: stitch it up himself and go to a pub. He wrapped a towel around his bleeding leg while he continued to drink. Pretty baller move.
  6. U.S./Cuba Relations Re-open – After 50 years of a pointless, idiotic policy of punishing Cuba for being Communist, the U.S. announced they are going to thaw the long-standing frosty relations. Cuba will again be a vacation destination, and a more valuable member of the international community. I’m sure cigar aficionados will also be thrilled.
Shitty
  1. Everything about North Korea – The People’s Republic of North Korea has been a joke for years, but now they have reached the level of self-parody. Their leader Kim Jong Un leaves the spotlight for a month, only to be found later, hobbling around on a cane after an attack of gout and/or an eating binge. They hacked into Sony Pictures, leaked several films, and a metric ton of the executives’ correspondence, then threatened a 9/11-style attack on the U.S. if the film The Interview was release in theaters. It was released to way more attention than if North Korea had said nothing about it. The 9/11-style attack never happened. Finally, the U.S. government stated it would respond to North Korea’s hacking shenanigans in kind, with North Korea threatening an apocalypse if this happened. After their internet was shut off, North Korea called President Obama a monkey. That’s it. That was their big threat. North Korea is the national equivalent of the boy who cried wolf.
  2. Russia Invades Ukraine – All hail glorious leader Putin! Comrade Putin, out of the kindness of his heart, decided to unite the people of Crimea and Russia by invading Ukraine. They innocently annexed Crimea just like Hitler innocently reclaimed Austria. Putin’s provocateur’s continue to battle it out with Ukrainian forces, and they even shot down a commercial jet. Putin denied all involvement, and, let’s be honest, nobody believes him for a fucking second, and he knows it. Russia has started a modern war they thought they could get away with it, but only alienated themselves from the rest of the world in the process. Thanks a lot, Tsar Putin.
  3. The Colbert Report Ends – After 9 years on Comedy Central, Stephen Colbert ended his show. He will be taking over The Late Show on CBS once David Letterman retires. I’ve been a longtime fan of Colbert, and I’ve been watching his show since the night it premiered. I’m very happy for him. However, I’m also extremely disappointed. His show was satirical and subversive, and provided humorous, intelligent discourse into the affairs of the world. Colbert could get away with anything from testifying to Congress about migrant workers, bashing President Bush to his face, and creating his own Super PAC. If his own network told him not to do something, he would go ahead and do that thing. I shudder to think of Colbert on CBS, with him doing lame standup and pandering to two guests pimping their current movies. Blargh.
  4. Ebola Will Kill Us All – If you don’t live in one of the African countries affected, chances are, Ebola isn’t going to kill you. 24-hour news networks would beg to differ. They want you to cower in fear, and continue to stay tuned so they can generate ad revenue. 24-hour news networks are like the North Korea of the journalism world. They talk a big game about scary stuff that will kill you, but ultimately nothing ever materializes.
  5. CNN Can Only Cover One Story at a Time – Malaysia Airlines flight 370 seemed to be the only news story on CNN this year. To be fair to CNN, they also talked about race riots in the U.S., ISIS/ISIL/Whateverthefucktheywanttobecalledthisminute, and Ebola. So, they covered a grand total of 4 news stories this year. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time, guys.
  6. Death Eaters Take Control of U.S. Government – OK, so Lord Voldemort hasn’t taken the presidency yet, but his cronies now control the U.S. House and Senate. If that isn’t one step closer to total evil domination of the world, I don’t know what is. The only person worse than Voldemort running the country would be Putin.
  7. Shitty Bonus)  Winter Olympics – I already wrote a full post about the shittiness of the Sochi Winter Olympics here. Feel free to read it again and reminisce.
Well, another year has come and gone. 2015 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.
01
Jan
14

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2013

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2013. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:
Awesome
  1. Stephen Colbert Snubbed by Daft Punk – One of the biggest highlights from the world of music this year was the long-awaited release of a new Daft Punk album. I’ve always been a big fan, and I happily welcomed their new work. The most popular song from the album was titled Get Lucky It was one of the most popular songs this summer. Daft Punk is sort of notorious for being camera shy (which I whole-heartedly endorse for all celebrities), and rarely make public appearances. I was shocked (and excited) to hear that they were going to appear on The Colbert Report to play their “song of the summer.” And then they didn’t show up. No, they opted out and left Colbert high and dry. Fortunately, the episode we got was much funnier than what had been intended. Cobert danced to a recording of Get Lucky and had his famous friends join in. Hugh Laurie, Jeff Bridges, Jimmy Fallon, Bryan Cranston, Matt Damon, and more showed up to join in the fun. It was absolutely fucking hilarious. By a stroke of good luck, Robin Thicke was in New York promoting his new album and hot summer song Blurred Lines at the same time. Colbert managed to snag Thicke, and he performed the real “song of the summer” live on-stage. All in all, this was the music/comedy highlight of 2013.
  2. Horse Meat Scandal – I wrote a post on this earlier in the year. I find it totally, outrageously crazy that this scandal ravaged Europe. In case you didn’t hear, the basics boil down to this: people thought they were getting the same old processed meat in their foods as always, but as it turned out, they were getting beef mixed with horse. And in some cases, 100% horse. My thoughts are still the same. If nobody can tell the difference, then what’s the big fucking deal? The only reason people care is because horses are cute and cows aren’t. I’m still a long way from finishing my quest to eat every cute animal in the world. Hey, it’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.
  3. Dennis Rodman Goes to North Korea – The world was stunned to learn that former NBA star Dennis Rodman visited North Korea in February. Apparently, that was the start of a beautiful friendship, as Rodman has gone on record several times talking about new BFF Kim Jong-Un. Rodman stated that Kim was a “friend for life”, a “great dad”, and that Obama should give him a call sometime. Rodman has gone again since then, and he plans to return in January 2014 to help coach a series of basketball games. This news story ends up in the Awesome category because it is so completely insane that it has no choice other than to be awesome. I can only imagine what it’s like, seeing a 6 ft. 7 in. tall, black, green-haired, face-pierced guy being best friends with a chubby Korean midget. They have to make a sitcom out of this. How can they not? Hilarity would ensue. On a more serious note, I hope that Rodman could potentially open Kim’s mind a bit about relaxing the human rights atrocities his country is notorious for. But I’m not going to hold my breath.
  4. Manti Te’O’s Fake Girlfriend – Super-genius football player Manti Te’O played at the collegiate level for Notre Dame. He entered the national spotlight when he stated that his close girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, died after battling Leukemia. Or was it in a car wreck? I’m not sure. Neither was Te’O. As it turns out, she wasn’t his girlfriend at all. She wasn’t even a girl. In fact, she wasn’t even a real person. Kekua turned out to be completely fictious, dreamed up by a man named Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (no doubt a true humanitarian), because he had fallen in love with Te’O and figured this was the only way they could be together. They had met through online dating and became very serious, despite never having met in person. While the story was pretty awesome and hilarious on its own, it does speak to the dangers of our online world. People can be duplicitous, and just imagine how much damage could have been created if Tuiasosopo actually had a vendetta against Te’O. Humanity is doomed.
  5. Dog Butt Jesus – This summer everyone got a little hysterical when a picture surfaced of a dog’s butt (and hind legs) that looked like our lord and savior. If you search for the image online and check it out you’ll see that, yeah, it kind of looks like Jesus. It’s amazing that a dog’s butt could be such a holy thing, when usually all its good for is taking dumps and shitting out random objects like plastic and strings. If the Virgin Mary could show up in a grilled cheese sandwich and religious people would cheer, then I don’t understand why they’d be upset about Jesus showing up in a dog’s butt. Dog is man’s best friend, after all, and humans spend a lot of time around dog butt. It seems like the most logical place for Jesus to show up.

Shitty
  1. NSA Scandal – While the horse meat scandal was hilarious, the recent United States NSA scandal was horrendous. There’s nothing like learning that the U.S. government spies on all of its citizens’ communications 24 hours a day. I suppose this should be expected, but I was hoping that the government still favored privacy and rights of people over HURR DURR WE HAVE TO DO THIS TO PROTECT US FROM TERRORISTS HURR DURR. President Obama promised to have one of the most transparent presidencies ever, but when this revelation came out, that was all blown to shit. And the guy who let us know about all this, Edward Snowden, is now forever on the run. Obama has actually lobbied hard to protect the rights of whistleblowers. Everyone is encouraged to speak out if we see that something is amiss (“If you see something, say something”). However, that’s a sham. If you see anything the government is doing illegally, you are supposed to keep your goddamn mouth shut. Things got even more ludicrously out of hand when we later found out the NSA was tapping the phones of high-ranking official of other governments, like the Chancellor of Germany. Great job there, NSA. Keep on monitoring those damn Nazis, never mind the fact that WWII ended in 1945. We are sliding down that slippery slope that will lead us into a total surveillance state. And with the godforsaken Xbox One monitoring us at all times through the Kinect, well, George Orwell’s predictions were proven right after all.
  2. The Royal Baby – Ugh. For fuck’s sake, nobody gives a shit about the royal baby. Okay, sure, maybe the British do, but nobody else does. Why was the U.S. media insisting on making this a story? Prince Baldy and Princess So-Beautiful-She-Only-Married-Baldy-for-the-Status had sex and reproduced. They only did what everyone else on the planet is capable of doing. I’m sorry, but this is not a news worthy story. Now, if the baby had developed the theory for cold fusion, then, yes, I would be interested. But it didn’t do that. It did what all babies do: shit and cry. I have nothing against the baby, not at all. But the fact that the media insisted everyone should care about these do royals procreating was totally annoying. This was the year 2013, why do we care about royalty at all? They don’t do anything but collect taxes from people for no other reason than they used to be in charge a long time ago. And that makes them interesting? Didn’t we fight the Revolutionary War so we could ignore these assholes? Ugh. For fuck’s sake.
  3. Action Stars’ Failed Comebacks – 2013 was the year that Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis all staged magnificent comebacks to the action movie genre. Of course, they all failed spectacularly. They unleashed some of the cheesiest, hammiest (now I’m getting hungry), most generic action movies in a long time. They wanted to recapture the magic of the 80s, but you know what? The 80s are over. I love those old movies, but they are a product of their time. The kind of stuff they did then just doesn’t work today. And I don’t think another 20 Expendables movies is going to change that.
  4. U.S. Government Shutdown – The U.S. government is so completely fucked up that it managed to land not one but two spots on this year’s shitty list. The two party system is completely broken. The entire government, and the hundreds of thousands of federal employess, not to mention millions of citizens who depend on services, were held hostage over an ideological hissy-fit. Republicans got most of the blame and rightfully so. They kept trying to block the Affordable Care Act, despite their attempts at blocking it were denied countless times by the courts and the voters themselves. Democrats came out looking pretty good at the end, but they are not without blame. The fact that they play such a massive role in the perpetutation of the broken political system leaves them just as culpable. No government should have to shut down because the players are stuck in a pissing contest. They have proven definitively that they don’t give a shit about the American people. They only care about their personal legacies and catering to radical groups of voters who make up the minority of the public. Maybe the NSA should think about monitoring the politicians and arresting those assholes for crimes against the country. They would have no shortage of suspects, that’s for sure.
  5. Miley Cyrus was Everywhere – I don’t have a problem with Miley Cyrus. She’s a kid, and she is acting like a kid: stupid. The only problem is that she’s a kid celebrity, and therefore her antics are plastered across our TVs and computers for all the world to see. I don’t need to see a vacuous bimbo shaking her ass with her tongue sticking out. I’ve been to college, I know what that’s like. We don’t need to keep recycling it over and over again. The shitty part about this was how the media kept trying to make her antics into a news story. No matter how expected her behavior was, the media kept trying to make it into something big, something it was not. Nobody cares about kids being stupid. That’s what they do best. Can we please stop paying attention to this nonsense?

Well, another year has come and gone. 2014 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

10
Aug
13

It’s Time to Honor Myself

Apparently, summertime is awards season. Awards season for Awesomely Shitty. That’s right, fuckos, I got not one, but two blogging awards. Hells yeah! I rule! Ahem. Okay, sure they were given to me by regular visitors, but it still counts. It’s not like the Academy is made up of anything but peers, anyway. I just count myself fortunate that so many people read my blog and don’t want to murder me. It’s amazing, really.

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award is given to a blogger who has less than 200 followers. Liebster in German means “beloved, favorite, dearest.” The goal of the Liebster Award is the help new or growing blogs connect with other bloggers. It’s a good way for readers to discover new blogs. I was given this award from Sidekick Reviews. It’s a great blog that I highly recommend checking out. I appreciate the award, thanks a lot.

The rules for Liebster Award recipients:

  1. List 11 random facts about yourself.
  2. Answer the questions that were asked of you (by the blogger that nominated you)
  3. Nominate 11 other blogs for the Liebster Award and include a link to their blogs.
  4. Notify the bloggers of their award.
  5. Ask the award winners 11 questions to answer once they accept the award.

Here are the random facts:  Continue reading ‘It’s Time to Honor Myself’

01
Apr
13

The Zen of Spam 3

Maintaining a blog for over four years has its perks. One of the best parts is getting great spam messages in the comment inbox. While most of them are links to porn sites or incoherent gibberish, there are a few comedic gems. I have listed some of my favorites, in no particular order. Read them and meditate. To understand them is to achieve enlightenment.

  • F*ckin? awesome things here. I?m very satisfied to see your article. Thanks so much and i am having a look ahead to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

Thanks? a lot for the compliment. I?m very satisfied to see your spam comment. Thanks so much and i am having a look ahead to… TOUCH ME?! Holy shit! I think this spambot is stalking me.

  • she is about to masturbate in the bedroom in a hotel room after taking her clothes off when her girlfriend s dude buddy knocks at the door.

Woah, that sounds really fucking hot. It’s like I’m reading Penthouse Forum all of a sudden. Hey, don’t stop there. What happens next? I’ve got my tissues and lotion ready. Don’t leave me hanging!

  • Had a wardrobe fitting for the next season of iCarly! Freddie’s clothes are Freddie-er than ever. And I still fit in last season’s jeans! 😀

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS! ONE OF THE CAST MEMBERS FROM iCARLY READS MY BLOG! SQUEEEE! Ahem. But why does it have to be Freddie? Why can’t it be Carly instead? She’s legal now, right?

Continue reading ‘The Zen of Spam 3’




November 2018
M T W T F S S
« Sep    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Archives

BrikHaus - Find me on Bloggers.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 405 other followers

Advertisements