Happy (Shitty) Ten Year Anniversary

In keeping with the crappiness of this blog, I decided to find a generic looking image. Ten years is a long time. Most film review blogs don’t last half as long. While it seems that this site has been on life support lately, the updates have still trickled in. I had no idea I’d keep my curmudgeonly reviews going for an entire decade, but hey, here we are. I appreciate my faithful readers, and my regular commenters for staying loyal all this time. I also appreciate the fact you keep coming back despite my hating just about everything I watch. I know I have trashed movies and TV shows some of you absolutely love, so thanks for sticking around. Most of all, I’d like to thank the people with no sense of humor, who comment angrily on one of my many satire posts; you’re the true spice of life.

So, for the tenth anniversary, I thought I would share my top ten favorite posts in the history of the blog. Fitting for a tenth anniversary, right?

20 Shittiest Anime of the Decade published January 22, 2010

Avatard Me Up (AKA Everyone is an Idiot) published February 20, 2010

Fake Indie Movies (AKA Fuck You, Hipsters) published July 17, 2010

4 Horsemen of the Film-Making Apocalypse: Part 4 – M. Night Shyamalan published December 3, 2010

Your Wedding Sucked published June 25, 2011

Reasons Why Predator Is Better Than The King’s Speech published July 29, 2011

Conan the Barbarian – Probably the Greatest Movie Ever Made published January 7, 2012

Classically Shitty: Breakfast at Tiffany’s published January 28, 2012

Michael F. Assbender Is In Everything published February 17, 2012

Lessons Learned From The Wicker Man (AKA Oh No, Not the Bees!) published October 26, 2012

I had trouble narrowing it down from a top 20 to a top ten, so there have been some decent posts over the years. And looking at my output, my best stuff came between 2010 and 2012. In TV terms that would be seasons 3-5. After that, I guess the blog jumped the shark. If you have a favorite post I didn’t list, let me know what it is in the comments.

Ten years are in the book, and here’s to a few more.

Happy (Shitty) Nine Year Anniversary (Belated)

It’s hard to believe that this blog has been alive for nine years. I’m pretty late on the anniversary post. And as some of you have noticed, I haven’t been posting frequently anymore. I’ve been incredibly busy with my new job, saving lives, and banging supermodels every day. The time for writing shitty posts about shitty movies has become smaller and smaller. I don’t know where the future of Awesomely Shitty is heading. I hope to continue to post, but it will be more erratic than it had been. Let’s look forward to the tenth year of Awesomely Shitty! Thanks, everyone, for reading.

Safety Nation is Coming Soon

Safety Nation is coming soon. What is Safety Nation? It’s my first published novel! That’s right, your (un)friendly neighborhood BrikHaus is publishing a book. After years of trashing other people’s hard work, now it’s my turn to face public scrutiny. I’ve toiled away for a long time writing as a hobby, and I’ve finally written something I think is good enough to share with the world.

In the coming weeks I will be providing updates on the status of the book: the cover art (what you see above is not it), the release date (sometime in December, but the final date isn’t firm yet), and several chapters. Be prepared for lots of text to grace the site as I take a break from watching Michael Bay shitstorms, fake hipster crap, and moeblob anime abominations. I still plan to post my regular stuff intermittently, just so Awesomely Shitty doesn’t become a complete advertisement.

And what is Safety Nation about? Well, it’s a satire of dystopian literature, a genre that takes itself far too seriously. It’s also based in part on my own torturous experience working for a huge, dumb bureaucracy. I’ve included the exciting book blurb for your reading pleasure below:

Safety Inspector Smith never wanted to save the world; he only tried so he could get some peace and quiet.

Smith has been a government drone for thirty years. He works for an institution obsessed with the safety of its citizens. Whether it’s making people practice safe sex, abolishing all junk food, or replacing real grass with hypoallergenic artificial turf, the government uses its Safety Inspectors to make sure everyone stays safe. But Smith doesn’t care about any of that. All he wants is to move away from the bustling city, its people, and all its regulations.

Stuck in a terrible job, Smith sees a glimmer of hope in his new partner, a rookie named Lowry. He soon learns she has a greater knack for government work than he ever did. Together, they cut corners, dodge red tape, and fool their dimwitted superiors into giving them promotions.

Just when things are looking up, a maniac threatens to overthrow the government. Smith couldn’t care less, but Lowry jumps into the fray. By a twist of fate, Smith holds the key to saving the world, and he would do anything to help his friend.

Darkly humorous, “Safety Nation” is a satirical take on dystopian fiction, told in a hard-boiled style.

That’s it for now. I’m really excited for you to read this book. Hopefully, all three of my regular readers will pick up a copy. I had a lot of fun (not to mention agonizing over) writing it, and I hope you get to enjoy reading it.

Happy (Shitty) Eight Year Anniversary

I’m two days late on my anniversary post this year. In fact, I completely forgot about it. So, I don’t have much of a post this time around. Mostly, I’m amazed that this shitty blog has kept on going for so long. I actually finished medical school and residency, got married, and had a kid in all that time. It’s pretty crazy stuff. The only reason this probably works is my once-per-week posting. If I posted daily, I’d burn out, and this blog would end up in the great trash heap in the sky. As always, I’d like to thank the people who stop by to read and comment regularly. This venture wouldn’t be half as much fun without you. Will Awesomely Shitty make it to year nine? Well, Hollywood will keep making shitty movies, so probably yes.

Happy (Shitty) Seven Year Anniversary

I’m sitting at the computer, and I’m feeling exhausted. I’m trying to drum up the energy to write another anniversary post. I can’t believe I’ve been writing this blog for seven years. Sure, it seems like it’s on life support sometimes, but somehow it has chugged along.

Awesomely Shitty can’t die no matter how hard Hollywood or I try. At this point, this blog is a mythological creature like a vampire or a Terminator or John McCain. It’s unbelievable that it has lasted for this long.

My favorite part of this blog is all the cool people I’ve met over the years. Maybe we haven’t actually met and had a beer together in real life, but meeting online is still a form of meeting. There are great regulars who never fail to drop by and leave a comment even though I’m too lazy to comment on their websites. I love all of you.

And there are the jackasses, too. The ones that think I’m an idiot because I didn’t like their favorite anime, or I’m too immature to understand art-house cinema, or I’m a virgin because I didn’t like Red Dead Redemption. But I write the blog for them, too. I get a kick out of how furious people get over words (opinions) on a computer screen.

I’m glad that people read this blog and get a reaction of some kind. That’s the whole point. Why would anyone read a blog that loved everything or only gave synopses of movies without an opinion?

Sometimes my posts are funny, and I’m glad I made you laugh and brightened your day for a few moments.

I write this blog for everyone, but mostly I write it for myself. I’d like to think I will keep writing it until I die. And who know, maybe I will? But probably not.

In all honesty, I don’t know how many more posts this blog has in it before it joins the thousands of others that will sit on the WordPress servers, defunct, until the end of time.

Here’s to seven years of Awesomely Shitty, and who knows how many more!

Happy (Shitty) Six Year Anniversary

That’s a six. It came up in Google image search. Yes, it’s amazing.

I managed to evade The Man and The Good Taste Police long enough to last one more year. It’s amazing to think that I have been writing this blog for six years. Sure, it’s little more than a hate-filled rant against Hollywood, but it still takes some effort on my part to churn out all this drivel. I don’t really know how long I’ll be writing this blog. As long as Michael Bay is making movies, though, I’ll try my best to be here to watch shit so you don’t have to. Once again, let me thank all of you who drop by and read the blog and leave comments. Awesomely Shitty wouldn’t be half as much fun without you. So, until next year, here’s a happy (shitty) anniversary to me.

It’s Time to Honor Myself

Apparently, summertime is awards season. Awards season for Awesomely Shitty. That’s right, fuckos, I got not one, but two blogging awards. Hells yeah! I rule! Ahem. Okay, sure they were given to me by regular visitors, but it still counts. It’s not like the Academy is made up of anything but peers, anyway. I just count myself fortunate that so many people read my blog and don’t want to murder me. It’s amazing, really.

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award is given to a blogger who has less than 200 followers. Liebster in German means “beloved, favorite, dearest.” The goal of the Liebster Award is the help new or growing blogs connect with other bloggers. It’s a good way for readers to discover new blogs. I was given this award from Sidekick Reviews. It’s a great blog that I highly recommend checking out. I appreciate the award, thanks a lot.

The rules for Liebster Award recipients:

1. List 11 random facts about yourself.
2. Answer the questions that were asked of you (by the blogger that nominated you)
3. Nominate 11 other blogs for the Liebster Award and include a link to their blogs.
4. Notify the bloggers of their award.
5. Ask the award winners 11 questions to answer once they accept the award.

Here are the random facts: 

Happy (Shitty) Five Year Anniversary

Well, it’s happened, folks. I’ve wasted five perfectly good years of my life working on this blog. I’d like to thank those of you who drop by and leave comments and/or hate messages on a regular basis. You know who you are. Without you, trashing shitty movies and anime wouldn’t be half as much fun.

To celebrate the big day, Mrs. Brik and I decided to go to Hawaii. We stayed at a luxurious private beach, drank the finest champagne, snorkeled off the coast, and ate the flesh of endangered species. I may or may not have participated in hunting humans for sport. Hey, you only turn five once, right? Might as well live it up.

As a treat for all of you, I have put links to the most popular posts of all time from the last five years. If you have already seen these, now is your chance to relive the magic. If you haven’t, please enjoy.

1. 20 Awesomest Anime of the Decade
2. 20 Shittiest Anime of the Decade
3. Fake Indie Movies (AKA Fuck You, Hipsters)
4. Things I Hate About Assassin’s Creed
5. Classically Shitty: Breakfast at Tiffany’s
6. Red Dead Redemption Can Go to Hell
7. Your Wedding Sucked
8. Conan the Barbarian – Probably the Greatest Movie Ever Made
9. Michael F. Assbender is in Everything
10. Reasons Why Predator is Better than The King’s Speech
11. Okami is the Poor Man’s Zelda
12. Avatard Me Up (AKA Everyone is an Idiot)

Let’s see if The Man allows me to go another year.

New Year, New Logo (Part 3)

As you can see, the logo at the top of the page has changed once again. It’s the fourth banner featured at Awesomely Shitty. This stunning artwork was brought to you by Chaz the Silencer, the same genius who created the site’s second banner. He’s obviously a rock star, a sex god, and a pillar of humanity. Be sure to check out his blog to pay the man some respect. I really like this logo for a few reasons. First, the colors are fantastic. Second, it is unique and funny. And third, it features an example of something awesome and something shitty (with the shitty thing getting destroyed): Conan the Barbarian and Lucky Star. Well, I hope you like it, too, because you’ll be looking at it for at least a year. Hopefully, Awesomely Shitty will continue to be your go-to place for the worst reviews on the Internet in 2013!

Happy (Shitty) Four Year Anniversary

Four years already, huh? That’s a long time filled with a lot of insults. If this blog was a four year old human, it would be able to do a lot of stuff by now, including:

• Cooperates with other children –> there is a blog roll on the side of the page
• Talks about interests and disinterests –> that much is obvious
• Can’t tell the difference between real and make-believe –> that would explain my unadulterated rage
• Knows basic rules of grammar such as “he” or “she” –> in light of the “irregardless” post, I’d say this is a yes
• Can sing a song or poem such as “Wheels on the bus” –> at least this involves singing
• Tells stories –> such as the Tale of the iPhone
• Can say first and last name –> you mean “Awesomely” and “Shitty”, right?
• Knows the names of some colors and numbers –> as long as they are black, white, red, orange, and blue – and let’s just forget the whole numbers thing
• Understands the idea of counting –> Transformers 1, Transformers 2, Transformers 3, etc.
• Uses scissors –> but only to cut out pictures of Michael F. Assbender and put them on my wall
• Plays board or card games –> do drinking games count?
• Hops and stands on one foot for two seconds –> too lazy to try
• Catches a bounced ball –> too lazy to try
• Can pour own drinks –> for the aforementioned drinking games

Wow, it’s just like this blog is a real person! So, happy (shitty) four year anniversary to me! Until next time, amigos (fuckos).