Okami 2: Why Don’t You People Listen to Me?

Ok, so apparently people love crap. They must. There is no other explanation for why stuff like live-action Transformers, Kanon, Twilight, and every show on MTV are so popular. This love of shit spreads to every media, including video games. A while ago I wrote a completely even-handed review of Okami for the Wii. Despite my best warnings to you people, you didn’t listen. Despite horrible sales, you continued to write glowing reviews lauding the “merits” of this game, and guess what message you sent to the creators?

“LOL HEY CREATORS OF OKAMI TIHS GAME IS AWESOME YOU SHOULD TOTALY MAK EA SEQUAL LOL!”

And video game designers being the money-hungry whores that they are, decided to go ahead a make a sequel. If the first one didn’t sell, then the sequel will totally be a success, right? Now there is Okami 2, which is titled Okamiden. Typically, sequels will keep the best elements that worked in the original game, get rid of the aspects that didn’t work, and offer additional changes to create a new gaming experience. Is that what they did with Okamiden? No, of course not.

Did they get rid of the terrible Celestial Brush that never worked? No. Well, then they must have gotten rid of the monotonous side-quests of circling trees. No. Um, so they let you finally take recognition for being a god? No. So they must have changed up the repetitive combat system? No. Uhhh, is it a side scroller? Sorry, still no.

Okami is the Poor Man’s Zelda

Beggin’ Strips: Dogs Don’t Know it’s Not Bacon. “It’s Bacon!!!”

I don’t have much to say about Okami, and mostly that is because it is so goddamn average. Nothing about it makes it stand out from the heaping pile of mediocre titles the video game industry craps out on a monthly basis. Now I know what you’re going to say, “BUT BRIK, HTIS GAME IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKIN ABOUT TEH BEST PART ARE THE ANIME GRAPHICS LOL.” Before you go ahead and post that just think about this: you are an idiot.

Okami has virtually no redeeming qualities. The graphics are all cel-shaded, which was a cool gimmic back in 2003, but is kind of outdated at this point. The music is bland, uninspiring, pseudo-historical Japanese fare. The story has also been done to death, offering nothing new whatsoever. “BUT BRIK YOU PLAY AS A WOLF GOD WAHT OTHER GAMES DO YOU NOW ABOUT THAT HAVE HTAT LOL?” It doesn’t matter, just replace the wolf with a short guy wearing green tights, and you have another Zelda clone.