Posts Tagged ‘Donald Trump

01
Jan
18

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2017

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2017. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

*sorry about the low quality of my “awesome” graphic, Photobucket is now locking me out of my own images, and this is the best I could do*

Awesome:

  1. The #MeToo Movement – Hollywood has been rocked by allegations of sexual harassment. The perpetrators are taking falls. And it’s been happening elsewhere too, like in Congress. This is a great thing. People need to keep their cocks in their pants. It is not difficult. And if you can’t abide by the rules of society, then you deserve what you get.
  2. Doug Jones Defeats Roy Moore – A guy who has prosecuted the KKK defeated a child molester in an Alabama senate race. This should not have even made headlines except for the facts that Donald Trump supported the child molester (no surprise), and that Moore almost won. Apparently, in Alabama, the only thing worse than a child molester is a democrat. At least enough people showed up to the polls to vote for someone who isn’t a despicable piece of shit.
  3. Nintendo Switch – Nintendo’s newest system is both a console and a portable. Plus, their new games like Breath of the Wild and Mario Odyssey have been critically acclaimed. It looks like Nintendo has gotten their mojo back, and we should have lots of great games in store for us soon.
  4. Florida Man Beats Up ATM – This guy got overpaid by an ATM. It pissed him off so much, he punched the ATM. He got arrested for property damage, but still, you have to hand it to him. He doesn’t take any crap from the machines. When Skynet rises to destroy humanity, this guy is going to be our John Connor. Although why someone would be mad about getting extra money is a mystery…
  5. Elon Musk Going to Mars – Well, at the very least he’s sending his Tesla roadster to Mars. That’s cool, right? Maybe someday he can help make space travel a reality. I can “get my ass to Mars” a la Schwarzenegger in Total Recall, and have sex with hot three-boobed alien babes.

Shitty:

  1. Everything Donald Trump – The greasy Cheeto who wormed his way into the highest office in the U.S. despite having no political or military experience, or even a functioning brain is probably the worst thing to happen to the world this decade. Historians will someday write volumes about how much this dipshit set world progress back. Here is the briefest of lists of terrible things this shit-gargler did this year: lying to the American public about the number of people at his inauguration, firing FBI director James Comey, attempting to obstruct justice in the Russian investigation, passing tax cuts for the super rich because they aren’t already doing well enough, saying that white supremacists are “very fine people,” instituting the unconstitutional muslim travel ban, trying to roll back everything the Obama administration did “just because,” backing out of the Paris climate accord, shrinking the size of national parks to allow for oil drilling, and supporting child molester Roy Moore for a U.S. Senate seat. I could go on, but you get the idea.
  2. United Airlines dragging passenger off plane – Seriously, how terrible is UA anyway? Dragging dude off of planes due to their own fuckup? It was beyond reprehensible. At least that guy got a windfall from those douchebags in a legal settlement. This just proves the airlines are run by corrupt assholes (like most corporations), and they are the worst way to travel.
  3. Las Vegas massacre – It was the worst mass shooting in modern-day American. The saddest part was that it has become so commonplace that we barely even blink anymore. And the worst part is Republicans saying that it still isn’t time to talk about gun control. Apparently, “never” will be the right time for them. The only way they would want to talk about gun control is if Trump suddenly decided it was a good idea, and they’ve got their heads so far up his ass they would have no choice but to agree.
  4. Hurricane season – Hurricanes decimated people, cities, and entire countries this year. I don’t have much to say about this other than these were terrible tragedies, and if there’s any way you can help (i.e. through donations or volunteering), then give it a whirl. A lot of people need our help.
  5. Death of Net Neutrality – I guess Awesomely Shitty won’t have to worry about traffic slowdowns since no one actually reads this site, but a lot of big ones like Netflix are in trouble. Anytime you try to monetize a utility, it turns out horribly. I’m sure losing Net Neutrality will nothing but fill coffers of rich assholes, and piss off everyone else. Never mind that the FCC is now being run by a huge tool, who got paid off by the big companies to kill Net Neutrality. Ugh, what a fucking joke.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2018 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

01
Jan
17

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2016

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2016. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

Awesome

  1. Safety Nation My book! OK, well, technically, it’s not being released until January 2017 (later this month), but it was completed in 2016, as was the cover art, and the big ramp up for promotion was done then, too. Besides, I needed something else good to keep this list from being too unbalanced.
  2. Chicago Cubs Win the World Series – I’m not a huge baseball fan, and I’m not a Cubs fan at all. But I’m happy that the long-suffering fans of the team could finally have a moment of glory. Going over 100 years without winning a title is a very long time, longer than any of the fans have been alive. So, this win, for them, was legendary. Even a curmudgeon like me can appreciate that.
  3. Deadpool, Stranger Things, and Arrival Hollywood can be a strange place. It will regurgitate shitty reboots and remakes, and at the same time produce incredible original content. The three examples I listed above were the standouts for me this year. Deadpool was crass and hilarious, and took many shots at Hollywood’s coveted superhero franchises. Stranger Things was an X-Files/Goonies mash-up on Netflix that kept me glued to the edge of my seat. Arrival was a cerebral alien/linguistics movie that has no right being made by mainstream Hollywood, yet it was, and it was incredible. Despite the constant dumps Hollywood takes on us all year long, it is still capable of producing great content.

Shitty

  1. Donald Trump – I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The U.S. elected a demagogue; a fascist, racist, misogynist moron with no political experience to the highest office in the land. What’s worse, he’s already flip-flopped on all of his campaign promises, and stacked his cabinet with people who are poised to make the entire country come crashing down. Why else would he appoint a climate change denier the head of the EPA, or someone who wants to abolish the Department of Education as the head of said department? He’s got baby-sized hands and a Twitter addiction, so he seems like presidential material, right?
  2. Brexit – I’m not up on all my European politics, but even I know this was a total disaster. The British equivalents of the U.S. citizens who voted for Trump supported this measure. By leaving the EU, Britain can single-handedly tank the entire European economy. What is it with old fucks trying to take everyone down with them, with one final regressive vote before they all die and leave us in the shitter?
  3. Harambe – They executed a gorilla for being a gorilla.
  4. Zika Virus – Oh, great, a super virus spread by the common mosquito that attacks fetuses. And said fetuses are born with tiny heads so that they can’t develop normal brains. And, to make matters worse, no politicians can seem to be bothered to spend any money trying to protect us from it. Why should they? The tax money needs to go to something more useful, like redistricting, voter suppression, defunding Planned Parenthood, and other admirable endeavors.
  5. Fake News – Fake news was everywhere this year. It’s always been a thing, I mean, haven’t you ever heard of Fox News? But this year it went out of control. Virtually every article posted to Facebook by your dumbass relatives was fake or largely fake. Sometimes, they would take something true and spin it so hard it no longer resembled the original story. All this did was further cement a Republican victory in the U.S. After all, poorly educated people love to vote against their own interests, and who better to target with fake news than those who have the critical thinking skills of ten year-olds?
  6. More Terrorism – It seems like there are more and more mass shootings, stabbings, and suicide bombings. Every time you turn on the damn news, there it is. It doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to end. But, hey, Donald Trump has a fool-proof plan to defeat ISIS. He hasn’t told anyone yet. But he’s going to be the President now, so come on Drumpf, what’s the plan? Oh, that’s right, you never had one, did you, you fucking windbag?
  7. Celebrity Apocalypse – A lot of our favorite celebrities died this year. Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Garry Shandling, Merle Haggard, Doris Roberts, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Anton Yelchin, Gene Wilder, Alan Thicke, George Michael, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, and a hell of a lot more. I couldn’t even list them all. It’s hard to believe that any celebrities would make it out of 2016 alive. Then again, if 2016 wanted to take out Drumpf as a final farewell, I wouldn’t be sad.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2017 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

 

01
Jan
16

Awesomest/Shittiest Things of 2015

It’s that time once again, people. Time to look back at the awesomest and shittiest things of 2015. As always, it remains a struggle to find things for the awesome category, and to keep the shitty category to a minimum. Check it out:

Awesome

  1. Gay Marriage Legal in the U.S. – Finally, the U.S. gets with the program and allows all its citizens to marry. It’s been a long time coming. The religious nutjobs in this country wail and moan that this somehow infringes upon their rights to practice their religion or something. I know, it makes no sense. But now we can more easily ignore these assholes, and live it up at our fabulous gay friends’ weddings.
  2. Water on Mars – We’re one step closer to landing on the red planet now. A colony will come next. And then, we’ll all be living out our Total Recall fantasies. It’ll be awesome. Three-boobed aliens for everyone! Oh wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yes, this is a great step forward in space exploration.
  3. Martin Shkreli Indicted for Fraud – This little fucker thought he was a genius by taking a cheap drug and jacking up the price 5,000%. He immediately earned the ire of pretty much everyone in the world. And now, he’s been charged with fraud and arrested. Not for the price hike, mind you, but something else entirely. Hey, at least there’s some justice in the world. I hope he gets sent to a federal pound-you-in-the-ass-penitentiary, but he’ll probably wind up in a resort.
  4. Climate Change Conference – For the first time ever, a group of nations got together to create legislation to help save the planet from ourselves. While it’s unclear if the proposals will do any real good, it’s better than continuing to stick our heads in the sand and pretend their isn’t a problem. Now that we are taking this first step forward, hopefully we will be on the road to cleaning up the mess we’ve made of the world. I don’t want to be living in Kevin Costner’s Waterworld, do you?
  5. 250 People Pay it Forward at McDonald’s – One day in Florida, a woman decided to pay for the meal of the customer in the drive-through behind her. That caused a chain reaction in which 250 consecutive people “paid it forward.” Sometimes, in this cruel, shitty world in which we live, it’s hard to remember that we can be good to one another. At least some people remember.

Shitty

  1. Terrorist Attacks – It seems like you can’t turn on the damn TV without hearing about another terrorist attack somewhere in the world. France got hit twice garnering the most media coverage. But we can’t forget the Middle East where this sort of thing happens on a daily basis.
  2. Mass Shooting in the U.S. – a shooting at a church, a shooting at a holiday party, the shooting of TV reporters on the air, a shooting at an Oregon community college, a shooting at a Planned Parenthood, and probably several more. Yeah, the U.S. totally doesn’t have a gun problem. It’s not like we aren’t the only industrialized country in the world that doesn’t have this problem. Oh wait, we are? Nevermind. HURR DURR WE NEED DEM GUNS IN CASE WE NEED TO RISE UP AGAINST DE GUBMENT HURR DURR SECOND AMENDMENT PROTECTS ALL DE UTHERS HURR DURR.
  3. Refugee Crisis – The Arab Spring hasn’t turned out to be all that great in retrospect. In fact, it’s led to pretty much nothing but violence, terrorism, and civil wars. Syria’s refugee crisis has grown out of that, and has become a worldwide problem. People are deathly afraid to take in the refugees even though they are just regular people trying to get their families out of a horrible situation. If people would grow some balls and start helping these refugees, then maybe we could make the world a slightly better place. Still shitty, yes, but slightly better.
  4. U.S. Political Campaigns – I think I mention politics in every one of these posts. This year was no better. It seemed like the campaign for President began just as soon as Obama was re-elected. Republican doofuses started blasting us with fear mongering and divisive hate speech early this summer, and are only going to double-down as the next year gets underway. With perennial numbskull Donald Trump taking the lead, it’s a true race to the bottom. It seems like the dumber these guys act, the more support they get. Maybe I should move to Canada.
  5. Bill Cosby Charged with Aggravated Assault – The whole Cosby thing blew up last year, but he’s finally been charged. First of all, he hasn’t been convicted yet except for in the court of public opinion. Everyone assumes he’s guilty. He probably is, I realize that, but can’t the guy have a trial first? Second of all, I love The Cosby Show. And so do you. Everyone does. But now I’m suddenly supposed to never watch it again? It’s a brilliantly written show, and one of the greatest sitcoms of all time. Can’t people separate actors from their work? Are they that easily swayed? I guess so. If Cosby’s guilty, of course I want him prosecuted to the fullest extant, but until that day comes, I’m going to be watching reruns of The Cosby Show.

Well, another year has come and gone. 2016 is just getting started. I’m sure there will be many more awesome and shitty things happening during the Earth’s long trek around the sun. Let’s hope, no matter what happens, we can ridicule them with reckless abandon.

14
Sep
12

The Only Show On NBC is The Biggest Loser

That is one fat logo.

I swear to god, every time I’m scanning through the channels and come across NBC, it is invariably airing an episode of The Biggest Loser. It’s another one of those reality TV shows where someone gets eliminated every week, a clone of Survivor. Instead of featuring people losing weight from starvation on an island, it features people losing weight by exercising.

They get the biggest fatties, I’m talking about the fattest of the fat. The people your mom told you not to point at and make fun of, but you do anyway. Every time I’ve watched this show, it’s 2 painful hours of watching sweaty fatties do pushups and run on treadmills and talk about how courageous they all are for exercising. Great job, fatties. Personally, I think it seems way more courageous to eat McDonald’s and Dairy Queen and drink 64 ounce sodas every day and risk a slow, painful death by diabetes. But then again, this is an American TV show, so I guess to Americans exercise is hard and therefore courageous.  Continue reading ‘The Only Show On NBC is The Biggest Loser’




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