Posts Tagged ‘gene roddenberry

31
May
13

Star Trek Into My Heart (of Darkness)

The Enterprise will crash and burn, just like this movie.

In case you haven’t noticed, there is a new Star Trek film out in theaters. It’s called Star Trek Into Darkness,┬ábut it should have been titled Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan Shitty Remake Turbo Edition. It’s basically just a redo of the earlier film, but lazier and dumber. It has all the trappings of a big-budget Summer Shit-Spectacular, and none of the thoughtfulness or intelligence of a good movie. As a world famous blogger, I interviewed all of the main people involved in the creation of this movie. I have included excerpts from my interviews for your reading pleasure.

Interview #1 – Chris Pine

To boldly go where no eyebrows have gone before.

Me: Thank you for meeting with me today, Chris.

Pine: You’re welcome.

Me: Tell me about your approach to playing Captain James T. Kirk.

Pine: This first thing I like to do is really get to the core of the character. I do this by making goofy faces. I try to look drunk or constipated as much as possible. My face is actually quite rubbery, and doesn’t look at all natural. Kind of like a melted latex mask. I think it helps me as an actor.

Me: Is that where your giant eyebrows come in?

Pine: Oh yeah, definitely. The bushier the better. My eyebrows are a lot bigger than William Shatner’s. It’s a sign of virility.

Me: What do you have to say to people who feel that you aren’t Captain Kirk? What I mean is, that you were horribly miscast. That you don’t look, sound, or behave in any way like the original character?

Pine: I tell them “thank you.” I come from a long line of actors in remakes who don’t bother to pay attention to the source material. I think it really elevates it, you know? The original character, who is beloved from the TV series and film series, is not something people want to see respected. After all, this strategy worked really well for Steve Carrel in Get Smart and Will Smith in Wild Wild West.

Me: I think Chris Hemsworth, who plays your character’s father in the 2009 film, would have been a better choice for your role.

Pine: You mean Thor? Nah, he doesn’t have the eyebrows for it.

Me: What did you think about Kirk’s relationship with Spock in this movie?

Pine: I wanted to kiss him.

Me: Kirk and Spock wanted to kiss?

Pine: No, I mean I really wanted to kiss Zachary Quinto. He’s totally hot. I want him.

Continue reading ‘Star Trek Into My Heart (of Darkness)’

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11
May
09

Star Trek: The First Generation

I checked out the new Star Trek movie this weekend, being brave enough to even go on opening night. When I say brave enough, I mean I had to take two extra Xanax’s just to be able to spend that much time so close to other people. I don’t do well in public places.

I had fully intended to wear my Ferengi costume, but my fellow Trekkers said that since Ferengis were never in the original series I wouldn’t be canon. They were right. Sadly, I went with the tride and true, but overused, Klingon costume. While waiting in line we got in an argument about which Starship Enterprise was the best. Clearly, the NCC-1701-A was the best, but those other, retarded Trekkers were trying to convince me that NCC-1701-E was better. Just because it has new phaser banks and torpedo launchers, plus it can be piloted by a joystick doesn’t mean it’s good. Come on, it can’t even do a saucer separation like the NCC-1701-D! How could anyone think that is cool?

Once I got up to the ticket counter, I realized I had forgotten to put my wallet into my costume, so my “friend” had to buy my ticket. My “friend” is the same individual that thinks The Menagerie counts as one episode, even though the Wikipedia entry clearly states that Parts I and II have different air dates. It’s like he just put his head in the sand and ignored the experts. Anyway, my “friend” did buy my ticket, but he wasn’t able to get the student discount for me since I didn’t have my Student ID. He had to pay full price, and expects me to pay him back for it. He and I both know that I am a student, so I don’t see why I should have to give him $9.50, when the student rate is $7.00. Idiot.

Continue reading ‘Star Trek: The First Generation’




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