Posts Tagged ‘Kick-Ass

08
Feb
15

The Interview, Godzilla (2014)

The Interview

A couple of dipshits starring in a terrible movie.

10 minutes into The Interview, I found myself doing something I had never thought possible: I agreed with North Korea. The Interview is so horrible, I agree with North Korea that this cinematic abortion of a film should be wiped from the face of the Earth. This is one of the laziest, stupidest, most incompetent movies I have ever seen. Written by Rogan, it features a journalist and his producer flying to North Korea for an exclusive interview with dictator Kim Jong-Un. The CIA tasks them beforehand with assassinating the dictator. What follows is a non-stop parade of dick jokes, fart jokes, oral sex jokes, sticking stuff up butt jokes, and general screaming. I never laughed once during the entire 2 hour runtime. I didn’t even smirk. Even in the worst comedies, I can at least find myself chuckling once or twice. But here, no, not once. The movie’s jokes are lazy and recycled and done far worse than any other movie you’ve seen. Rogan and Franco seem to think that if they simply reference penises, it will elicit huge laughs from the audience. That’s not how it works, guys. You can’t just say “penis” and expect the movie to be laugh riot. There needs to be a punchline. This is the drawback of having a screenplay written by a guy who is high 24 hours a day, stoners think everything is funny. They tried to make Kim Jong-un interesting and likable, but failed there too. The actor playing Kim is too handsome to be confused with the chubby, goofy-looking kid running that country. Sony should be ashamed of themselves for making this movie. Not because it insulted North Korea, but because it’s a horrible piece of shit. North Korea was right, this movie sucks ass, and should not be watched by anyone.

Verdict: Shitty

Godzilla (2014)

Rowr, rowr, rowr rowr rowr rowr.

The new Godzilla movie is a bigger letdown than the giant monster himself. Bryan Cranston stars as a guy who is obsessed with Godzilla after the atomic monster blows up a Japanese town and kills Cranston’s wife in the process. Cranston is great as the obsessed scientist, a role he’s familiar with. Unfortunately, the movie plays the ol’ switcharoo. Cranston dies early, and the rest of the movie features a bland hero played by the dude from Kick-Ass. Kick-Ass follows Godzilla around, from one disaster set piece to the next. Godzilla turns out to be a heroic monster, as he fights giant mutated grasshoppers or something. Apparently, they are Godzilla’s natural enemy and he, oh, whatever, fuck this shit. It’s just an overwrought explanation for having giant CGI monsters fight each other. The fight scenes are OK, and Godzilla actually looks pretty good. But the movie features nothing we haven’t already seen before. The pacing is lethargic, and they bring nothing new to the table. I was pretty bored by the end of it. Maybe the inevitable sequel will be better, but I won’t count on it.

Verdict: Bad

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