Posts Tagged ‘orson welles

02
Nov
13

Classically Shitty: The Third Man

The Third Man? How will I understand this movie when I haven’t seen The First Man or The Second Man?

OK, you guys, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You saw the title of this post, and you immediately got upset. Perhaps a little butthurt. It’s fine if you did. Massage those ass cheeks, and you’ll feel better in no time. Before you scroll down to the comments section to leave me some typed diarrhea, just read this post with an open mind. I think you’ll discover that The Third Man is actually a giant piece of shit, and not the classic filmfags purport it to be.

This 1949 movie was directed by Carol Reed, a man with a woman’s name. It was written by British novelist Graham Greene (you’ve only heard of him because they read one of his books in Donnie Darko). It starred Joseph Cotton and Orson Welles. It also won a shitload of awards when it was released, and has perpetually been on many “Best of” film lists. You know, none of that impresses me. It’s easy to win the Cannes Film Festival award for Best Picture when your competition consists of nothing but a bunch of sissy French crap. Anyway, I digress.  Continue reading ‘Classically Shitty: The Third Man’

04
Mar
12

Classically Shitty: Citizen Kane – A Tale of Forbidden Love

I bet Kane wishes Leland was underneath him right now.

Extra! Extra! Read All About it!

Greatest Film of All Time Reviewed by BrikHaus!

Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest film of all time. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a score of 100%, the American Film Institute (whatever the fuck that is) ranked it as the #1 film ever made (apparently they haven’t seen Conan the Barbarian), and every film school instructor in the world jerks off to it on a regular basis. The real question we should be asking is: Why? Why do so many people give so many shits about this movie?

Film-fags will throw around terms like, “Deep Focus” and “Low-Angle Shots” and “Lightning Mix.” Those are film-making techniques that director Orson Welles helped to pioneer in this movie. Innovative techniques are not a reason for Citizen Kane to be called the greatest movie of all time. That would be like saying the 1893 Duryea Motor Wagon was the greatest car of all time because it had a 4 horsepower, single cylinder gasoline engine, a friction transmission, a spray carburetor, and low tension ignition.

You could say that Orson Welles is the “greatest pioneering film director of all time” but that has little to do with his movie being the best ever. So, again, why do people fawn all over this movie? Here’s why: it’s about gays. Yes, that’s right. It was a pioneering film with a rich subtext about a homosexual love affair. Orson Welles had HUGE balls to make a movie about gay love in 1941, and that is the reason it remains such a beloved classic to this day.

Continue reading ‘Classically Shitty: Citizen Kane – A Tale of Forbidden Love’




December 2019
M T W T F S S
« Oct    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Archives

BrikHaus - Find me on Bloggers.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 411 other followers