Hara-kiri (1962)

Hara-kiri is a 1962 samurai film directed by Masaki Kobayashi and starring Tatsuya Nakadai. Generally speaking, I don’t really like Japanese live action films much. I don’t know why I keep watching them. They are mostly garbage. Fortunately, this one was a lot different.

It’s hard to explain what this movie is about without spoiling everything that happens. So, I’ll just give you the gist of it. During the feudal period in Japan, many samurai were left without masters (ronin). Some would go to the homes of lords and ask for a place where they could commit Hara-kiri to die with honor. Sometimes, though, certain ronin would not kill themselves, and refuse to leave the Lord’s home unless they were paid off.

Nakadai shows up at the home of one such lord. He is a ronin and wants to commit Hara-kiri. The lord is away, so Nakadai speaks with his head counselor. The counselor is uncertain about letting Nakadai commit Hara-kiri, because the last ronin who showed up for this very purpose did so as a bluff to get money.

The Town, Red Sun

The Town

Da fackin’ cast of Da fackin’ Town.

“Hey Tawmmy, guess what? That cawksuckah Ben Affuck made a movie called The Town. This queah made a lawt of shitty movies in the past like Reindeah Games and Ahmahgedon. Now awll of a sudden he thinks he’s a fackin’ directah. Anyway, this heah movie is about some bank rawbbahs from Chahrlestown. They rawb a bunch’a banks in Bawston and try to get away from da Feds. Dougie, Jem, Gloansy, and Dez ah the robbahs and they do pretty good for awhile, until Dougie gets a hahd-on for a hawstage they took earliah named Claire. Dougie ain’t no queah like some guys I know from Southie, and he dates Claire for awhile and tries to keep his double lives separate. Meantime this big faggy retahd Fed dude named Frawley is goin’ after ’em, tryin’ to put Dougie and his crew behind bahs. There’s a lot of shoot-outs and beatin’s and we get to see our fayah city of Bawston a lawt. It’s gawt some good writin’ and actin’ and Affuck does a fackin’ good job’a directin’. For a queah, anyway. Tawmmy, you should really check out this movie, it’s worth watchin’. Go Sawx!”

Verdict: Good

Red Sun

The cast of Red Sun

At first I thought this was going to be a comedy. It’s a 1971 film starring Charles Bronson and Toshiro Mifune that is about a cowboy and a samurai teaming up in the Wild West. How could it not be a comedy? Well, it’s not, it’s serious. Fortunately, they did infuse several funny moments and a few funny one-liners along the way. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously, but on the whole, yes, it is a regular Western. Where it lacks in the story department, it makes up for it with charm.

Bronson plays a charismatic outlaw who is forced to team up with Mifune who plays a stoic samurai (does he play anything else?). Their mission is to retrieve a stolen Japanese Imperial sword from Bronson’s former gang who betrayed him and left him for dead. Mifune and Bronson play surprisingly well off one another. They each get their moments to shine, with each besting the other in various scuffles, and each getting to kill plenty of bad guys with their special skills. Ursula Andress is the girl who provides little more than a nice body to look at. The villain is the bland Alain Delon, who apparently is famous, but from this role you’d never guess that.

If not for Mifune, this would be a generic and forgettable Western. However, his character lends a lot of originality to the movie which I’ve never seen anywhere else in the genre. Fortunately, the samurai acts like a samurai should, and doesn’t do a lot of horseshit you’d expect in a Hollywood movie. The movie loses a couple of points for having white guys play Indians, and a sort of derp-tastic finale. Otherwise, though, it’s solid. At least solid enough for an obscure, cult Western. Plus, it’s kind of cool to see Mifune speaking English.

The best part of all, was that I got this movie from Netflix, and the disc they sent me was a Chinese bootleg. It was obvious with all the Chinese characters on the menu, and to start the movie you click the Paly button. I hope Netflix continues to rent bootlegs. They rule.

Verdict: Average

Shigurui – Lethargy Frenzy

Hurrrr, serious business.

At first glance I thought I would have loved Shigurui. Reading a few synopses told me it had all the stuff I love: hardcore violence, nudity, rape, hardcore violence, misogyny, and hardcore violence. Even the title Shigurui – Death Frenzy, made me super pumped to watch it. Unfortunately, what I actually found myself watching was anything but awesome. Oh sure, it did have hardcore violence, nudity, rape, and misogyny but the execution was piss-poor. If a series like Shigurui was able to sap all the fun out of great stuff like sex and violence, then what hope is there for it to be good?

The story takes place in feudal Japan, and is told almost entirely in an extended flashback. It features two promising young samurai who struggle to become the next heir of an elite Japanese clan of sword fighters. There is deceit and betrayal, and someone emerges victorious while the other sulks away with hurt feelings. The guy who got butthurt ultimately decides to return for revenge. Telling the story in four sentences makes it sound totally awesome. However, the plodding pace and lethargic narrative absolutely kill any chance the series had of being interesting.