The Lego Movie

Hey, kids, be sure to buy all the toys!

Let’s just get this out of the way: The Lego Movie is not good. Everyone thinks it’s good, but it’s not. At best it’s average. People have become so blinded by the horrible garbage runoff that Hollywood incessantly churns out, that anything that isn’t remotely putrid is lauded as a masterpiece of cinema. That’s what happened with The Lego Movie. It wasn’t terrible, therefore, everyone thought it was amazing.

The Lego Movie starts out promising as it immediately critiques the homogenization of our culture, where everyone watches the same shitty TV show, drinks the same overpriced coffee, and listens to the same terrible pop music. “The Special” is the one person who will break the mold and revolutionize the Lego world. Unfortunately, this is where the film falls back in line with every trope you’ve seen before.

The Borrower Arrietty

The Borrower Arrietty

Why is it that Hollywood feels the need to dumb shit down to the lowest possible level for children?

Recently, Mrs. Brik and I went to the first-run movie theater (which we rarely do) to check out The Borrower Arrietty. Here’s a list of the crap we saw trailers for before Arrietty started: Mirror Mirror, Madagascar 3, The Lorax, Brave, and a horrible Disney Channel sci-fi sitcom.

Madascar and Lorax are both an assault upon the eyes. Bright, clashing colors, huge amorphous shapes, and a general sense of unreality that makes me want to puke. Of course, if it’s for kids it has to look cartoony and overdone. Apparently, kids can’t understand something animated that looks at least somewhat real. Mirror Mirror looks just as shitty, except it’s live-action. The whole movie looks cheap and fake and must have been filmed entirely on a green screen. Plus, the addition of Julia Roberts in anything automatically drops it into the crap heap. The woman hasn’t been in anything good since Ocean’s Eleven in 2001, and she sucked in that, too. Brave also looks like a CGI shitfest, but it comes from Pixar and they have a good track record, so I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt this time and hope it might be good. And that Disney channel show. Jesus fucking Christ. Mrs. Brik and I were cracking up at how retarded it looked. They make the most obvious, lamest, safest jokes imaginable. Sure, kids don’t need to be subjected to Chris Rock or George Carlin style standup, but they aren’t morons. They can understand a joke with mild complexity. All of these are proof that we as a culture constantly insult our childrens’ intelligence. Unfortunately, our children like this drivel because it’s all they are ever exposed to.

They should be exposed to good stuff, like anything in the Studio Ghibli film library. The Borrower Arrietty (that’s the official title which was inexplicably changed to The Secret World of Arrietty in the U.S. and just Arrietty in Europe) is one of those movies, and would be a great option for something you could watch with a kid.