Posts Tagged ‘Will Ferrell

27
Apr
14

The Lego Movie

Hey, kids, be sure to buy all the toys!

Let’s just get this out of the way: The Lego Movie is not good. Everyone thinks it’s good, but it’s not. At best it’s average. People have become so blinded by the horrible garbage runoff that Hollywood incessantly churns out, that anything that isn’t remotely putrid is lauded as a masterpiece of cinema. That’s what happened with The Lego Movie. It wasn’t terrible, therefore, everyone thought it was amazing.
The Lego Movie starts out promising as it immediately critiques the homogenization of our culture, where everyone watches the same shitty TV show, drinks the same overpriced coffee, and listens to the same terrible pop music. “The Special” is the one person who will break the mold and revolutionize the Lego world. Unfortunately, this is where the film falls back in line with every trope you’ve seen before.

Continue reading ‘The Lego Movie’

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08
Mar
13

Classically Shitty: Serpico

Nice hat.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I should make this a Classically Shitty post. Serpico is more of a stupid movie than a shitty one. They had a lot of good pieces (actors, director, true story, etc.), but couldn’t execute them in any logical fashion. Everything that happens, happens in the dumbest possible way. It’s more Classically Stupid than anything else. But then I thought, “You know what? Fuck it.” Serpico is just as Classically Shitty as everything else in this series.

The movie opens with a rip-roaring, high-octane car chase around the streets of New York City where — oh, wait, sorry, I’m thinking of some other movie. Serpico opens with the titular police officer (played by Al Pacino) being casually taken to a hospital after having been shot in the face. People learn of his wounding, and react in the most apathetic manner imaginable. “Huh? What’s that? Serpico was shot? Oh, okay. Hey, did you see the Yankees game last night?” After that, the rest of the movie is told through an extended flashback.

Frank “Paco” Serpico is an honest cop with a great nickname. Serpico is also a really a weird dude. For the first half of the movie he is working in some kind of fingerprint┬ácatalog┬ásystem, and he talks in this weird, kind of nasal, kind of high-pitched voice. He literally prances around the police department like a ballerina. He spends time in the bathroom with other dudes with the lights off. When people accuse him of being gay (even though the film shows us he isn’t), he doesn’t bother to deny it. Eventually, all his hard work talking weird, dancing, and cavorting in bathrooms pays off, and he gets promoted to a new division as a “plainclothes” officer. Continue reading ‘Classically Shitty: Serpico’

28
Jul
08

Sexman Monday: Step Brothers and No Country for Old Men

It’s Monday, so it’s time for another review from our site’s official film critic, Sexman. He begins with a review of the recently released Step Brothers, and then goes off on a tangent about the shitty oscar winning No Country for Old Men. I don’t care what those other pretentious critics think, if Sexman hated that film, then it’s garbage. I watched it once and found it to be a decent movie, but with Sexman’s iron-clad arguments, I feel I have to change my opinion. No Country for Old Men sucked ass, and Step Brothers was awesome. Here’s a quote from this amazing review:

“Step Brothers takes the cake… it’s fast, it’s dirty, and that’s how I like it.”




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