The Interview
A couple of dipshits starring in a terrible movie.
10 minutes into The Interview, I found myself doing something I had never thought possible: I agreed with North Korea. The Interview is so horrible, I agree with North Korea that this cinematic abortion of a film should be wiped from the face of the Earth. This is one of the laziest, stupidest, most incompetent movies I have ever seen. Written by Rogan, it features a journalist and his producer flying to North Korea for an exclusive interview with dictator Kim Jong-Un. The CIA tasks them beforehand with assassinating the dictator. What follows is a non-stop parade of dick jokes, fart jokes, oral sex jokes, sticking stuff up butt jokes, and general screaming. I never laughed once during the entire 2 hour runtime. I didn’t even smirk. Even in the worst comedies, I can at least find myself chuckling once or twice. But here, no, not once. The movie’s jokes are lazy and recycled and done far worse than any other movie you’ve seen. Rogan and Franco seem to think that if they simply reference penises, it will elicit huge laughs from the audience. That’s not how it works, guys. You can’t just say “penis” and expect the movie to be laugh riot. There needs to be a punchline. This is the drawback of having a screenplay written by a guy who is high 24 hours a day, stoners think everything is funny. They tried to make Kim Jong-un interesting and likable, but failed there too. The actor playing Kim is too handsome to be confused with the chubby, goofy-looking kid running that country. Sony should be ashamed of themselves for making this movie. Not because it insulted North Korea, but because it’s a horrible piece of shit. North Korea was right, this movie sucks ass, and should not be watched by anyone.
Verdict: Shitty
Godzilla (2014)
Rowr, rowr, rowr rowr rowr rowr.
The new Godzilla movie is a bigger letdown than the giant monster himself. Bryan Cranston stars as a guy who is obsessed with Godzilla after the atomic monster blows up a Japanese town and kills Cranston’s wife in the process. Cranston is great as the obsessed scientist, a role he’s familiar with. Unfortunately, the movie plays the ol’ switcharoo. Cranston dies early, and the rest of the movie features a bland hero played by the dude from Kick-Ass. Kick-Ass follows Godzilla around, from one disaster set piece to the next. Godzilla turns out to be a heroic monster, as he fights giant mutated grasshoppers or something. Apparently, they are Godzilla’s natural enemy and he, oh, whatever, fuck this shit. It’s just an overwrought explanation for having giant CGI monsters fight each other. The fight scenes are OK, and Godzilla actually looks pretty good. But the movie features nothing we haven’t already seen before. The pacing is lethargic, and they bring nothing new to the table. I was pretty bored by the end of it. Maybe the inevitable sequel will be better, but I won’t count on it.
Verdict: Bad
Awesomely Shitty 
Never saw the Interview and heard it was nothing great, but I didn’t know it was that horrible. And you’re right about the Godzilla movie being a monster letdown, although seeing Big G for the first time was pretty impressive. It seems all too typical – the best actor and most interesting character (by miles!) being unceremoniously bumped off half an hour into the movie and a block of wood getting the attention afterwards.
Yeah, you are advised to stay clear of The Interview, it really is that horrible. As far as Godzilla goes, I don’t think anyone is capable of making a great Godzilla movie. The character is iconic and everything, but it’s a hokey monster, they can’t make a serious film about him and make it work. Although, they might have been close if they had kept Cranston alive as the main character.
Have been waiting for your review for The Interview, and you didn’t let me down Brik. Honestly – what an absolute waste of a film, right? Too many words already spent on discussing how absolutely shit it is!
Godzilla, yeah, I agree with you. Though I ended up enjoying it a bit more than you. Particularly liked the Halo Jump sequence in the film. That stood out for me. Though, they wasted it a little bit by featuring that in the trailers.
I’m glad you agree, Jaina. Godzilla wasn’t all bad, I suppose, but it could have been so much better. And yes, The Interview, was a waste of film, data, or whatever the hell they shot this monstrosity on.
So how does this Godzilla actually compare to the 98′ ZIlla?
Huzzah for North Korea, imagine they’d made The Interview with NK journalist killing Obama? With the same quality as the interview?
It’s actually better than the 1998 Godzilla movie. That was an abysmal piece of shit.
If North Korea made their own version, it would probably be just as stupid and unfunny, but with far worse production values than The Interview.
Agree thoroughly on The Interview. That was utter garbage.
As you’d know by now, I really enjoyed Godzilla, even overlooking some of the faults you rightly point out. I’m just a sucker for monster smash, irrespective of human characters.
Good work again, mate.
Haha, thanks. I figured you’d like Godzilla. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. It certainly wasn’t up my alley, though.